Chapter Seventy
Marella took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, hating where the conversation was going. He liked how they were, and didn’t want to change it and she did. She’d always been afraid that she loved him more than he loved her. It was hard to know what Lee was thinking at any given time. His face rarely showed emotion, his eyes always had that cold look in them, and he didn't talk about his feelings or his past. Marella was stunned that she even had to bring up the idea of marriage. It seemed like the next logical step in a relationship of seven years.
“If it’s just a piece of paper then what’s the problem?”
“Where is this coming from all of a sudden? Is this because of Kelley? His wedding is not by choice.”
Lee never yelled at her. It was the one thing she was always thankful for, no matter how much they argued, he never yelled at her, never got aggressive. His voice was always low and deep and it gave her the courage to say what she really wanted to say. She had no idea why she suddenly felt so nervous. She knew Lee and he knew her, they'd spent seven years together and he trusted her enough to tell her that he'd just killed his father.
Marella took a deep breath and looked into Lee's eyes. “He did choose though. Why is it such a big deal for you to want to marry me?”
“Once we get married you’ll want other things and I can’t … I won’t.”
Marella's heart seemed to slow at the pain in Lee's voice. “You won’t what, Lee? What things?”
“Children okay!”
“You don’t want children?”
“No.”
“Why not? You’re so good with Grace and I know you love her.”
“Grace isn’t mine so it’s easy to … care about her.”
Marella looked at him, hurt and anger in her eyes. She had to do it. She had to say the words so he could man up and get over whatever bullshit he was guarding in his soul. She was tired, tired of wondering if she was enough for him, tired of not being able to touch him.
“Then I suggest you get over whatever it is you need to get over and deal with it because I’m five weeks pregnant.”
Lee’s eyes widened and he stood up from the bed. Marella’s eyes searched for something in his eyes, something he couldn’t give. “No.”
The tears that had threatened to escape now spilt over Marella’s cheeks as Lee walked out of the room and slammed the bathroom door shut. She sat on the bed feeling like her soul was breaking. She heard the shower and ten minutes later Lee opened the bathroom door and pulled clothes from his cupboard.
“Are you leaving?” Anger bubbled up in Marella as Lee pulled jeans on and then a t-shirt.
“Yes.”
“We need to talk about this, Lee.”
Lee turned to look at her and she physically recoiled from the anger in his eyes. “No. You said you were safe. I don’t want a child and I don’t want to get married. I was happy with how things were and you just had to go and ruin it.”
“Ruin it?” Marella felt like she’d been stabbed with a knife straight in her heart.
“We were both happy … unless you’ve been lying to me because that’s one question I ask you every single day. Because your happiness meant the world to me but mine obviously doesn’t matter to you.”
The cupboard closed and three breaths later so did the bedroom door. Lee was gone, walking down the hall and she listened as the front door was closed harder than he’d ever closed it before. She shuddered and wrapped her arms around herself.
Lee’s expression was stoic, once again not revealing the inner turmoil he felt. Nausea, that’s what he felt. He drove away from the house, knowing that Marella was hurt and angry and probably crying but he couldn’t be a part of it.
Lee was surprised to find himself in Mason’s driveway. Mason would probably kick his ass once he told him what had happened. He unlocked the front door with his spare key and followed the scent of roasted coffee coming from the kitchen.
“Hey, Lee,” Mason said as he took another cup from the cupboard.
“Hey.”
“You look like shit.”
“Life is shit.”
Mason turned towards Lee and leaned forward on the island separating them. “What’s going on, big guy?”
“My life’s over, Mase, and it’s gut-wrenching.”
Mason looked worriedly at his friend. “Talk to me, what is it?”
“Marella’s pregnant and she wants to get married.” Lee looked like a deer caught in headlights.
“I take it you’re not happy with the news?”
Lee clenched his fists on the counter as the coffee machine beeped and Mason turned back to finish their coffee. “I can’t be a father, Mason. There’s too much darkness in me. I can’t take the chance that whatever lurked in them is in me too.”
Mason placed the cup of coffee down in front of Lee and took a seat across from him. “They were evil, Lee, and you’re the complete opposite of that.”
“What if it’s something that just happens? I can’t ever take the chance that I’d hurt my own child. I won’t be that person, living in fear of what if.”
“Look, I love Grace and I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world. She changed my whole life, for the better too. With that said though, I get where you’re coming from. I didn’t live your life, Lee, I didn’t sit in that cage and I wasn’t hurt like you were. I’m always on your side, no matter what, because you and Kelley changed my life too, gave me purpose and stood by me when I felt like I had nobody else.”
“I know she’s hurting but I really can’t do it.”
“You have to do what’s right for you, Lee, nobody else. Even if she’s hurting she needs to know the truth from you.”
