Chapter Sixty-Nine
Lee sat in his car in the driveway of his house. He had no real recollection of what had happened in the warehouse. He closed his eyes and saw his father's dead body lying on the floor, the blood on his hands. How did he move on from what he'd done? He took a deep breath and he saw Kelley's face in his mind. The look of determination that was Kelley's most prominent facial feature, he'd hold on to the fact that Kelley would catch him, if and when he broke.
Marella was inside, probably looking at takeout menus and trying to decide what to order for dinner. His heart rate had calmed, the adrenaline having worked out of his system in what felt like seconds.
Seeing Keith in that warehouse, looking so smug had done a number on him. He hadn’t felt that type of rage in years and had worked so hard to bury it all. He had no idea what the hell he was doing. He’d left Kelley to deal with the aftermath of his rage and he felt guilty as hell.
‘I’ve got you, Lee.’ He heard Kelley’s voice in his head.
‘Yeah, you’ve always got everyone, Kelley,’ he thought grimly to himself. ‘But who’s got your back?’ It was one of the reasons why he’d studied law, to give back, to help protect those who couldn’t protect themselves.
Lee opened the front door and found Marella on the couch with a staggering number of takeout menus on the coffee table. He needed that type of normal now. Marella looked up at him, the smile on her face faltering.
“What’s wrong, Lee? What happened?”
Lee sat down with a sigh and looked intently into her eyes. “I …”
“Don’t do that, Lee. Don’t close yourself off from me. I can see it in your eyes, the distance, the pain. What happened?”
“I killed someone today.”
Lee watched for the recoil, the disgust and horror but there was nothing like that in Marella’s eyes. No fear, no hate and she was clearly waiting for him to add to that sentence. Marella would understand, he’d told himself that as he drove home, she always understood.
“My father came to the warehouse today and I killed him.”
“Lee …”
“I stabbed him to death, Marella. I don’t know how many times I stabbed him but it was like it wasn’t me, like I was watching it happen.”
Marella blinked her tears away and she moved closer to Lee, moulding herself against his big body. Her arms rested on his arms because even though she wanted to pull him close to her, chest to chest, she knew he’d flinch away, as he always did.
“What are you thinking?”
“That I should probably feel guiltier than I do.”
Marella lifted her head and looked at Lee, the man she loved more than she loved herself. “What did you do with his body?”
“I called Kelley.”
Marella nodded her head. Kelley would take care of it and they’d probably never find Lee’s father. Once upon a time, she had thought that Kelley might be the one, she’d been in love with him for the two years that he’d dated Norah.
She had hated Norah for using Kelley like that and when she thought back now she realized that she still loved Kelley, but like a brother now. She couldn’t imagine her life without Lee Munroe in it and even though he’d given her a ring he hadn’t asked her to marry him, he’d simply said that it was a tomorrow ring.
They spent a quiet night on the couch ordering takeout and watching old movies. At midnight they went to bed and Lee turned his back on her, like he did most nights. He didn’t want to be touched and he seldom held her when they slept.
Even in deep sleep Lee never turned towards her or reached out to her, almost like he didn’t need anybody. Sometimes at night when he was asleep she’d reach out and touch his back or his side and he’d frown in his sleep and shift away.
Her heart ached for him, he had so many inner demons, so many struggles and he didn’t deem himself good enough to be loved. She did though, love him. He was her perfect man, kind and good, confident in a way only he could be, smart and honest to a fault.
Marella barely slept that night, waking up every few hours and she was surprised to find Lee had slept through the night. She didn’t want him to feel guilty for killing that monster, but she did want him to feel guilty that he’d killed.
It was a confusing thought to have but Lee needed to know that even though she wasn’t sorry that his father was dead, murder was still wrong. She couldn’t justify it in her mind and she had no idea how to tell Lee what she was thinking.
“You’ve been restless the whole night. What’s wrong?”
Marella turned her head at the sound of Lee’s voice and she gave him a small smile. “It’s nothing.”
“Now who’s deflecting?” Lee lay on his side and propped his head up with his hand.
“I guess I just don’t get how you can sleep so peacefully after what happened.”
The expression on Lee’s face changed instantly and he sat up straight. “Because he was a bastard who deserved it.”
“I don’t disagree with you on that.”
“Then what?” Lee sounded tired and Marella wondered if he’d just been pretending when she’d thought he was asleep.
“I don’t know, Lee … where do we go from here?”
He frowned slightly and then the mask slipped on again. “I have no idea what you’re trying to say, Marella. He’s dead, it’s over. There’s nothing more to it.”
“I’m talking about us, Lee. You gave me a ring and said it’s a tomorrow ring. We’ve been together for almost seven years. Where are we going?”
Lee’s jaw tensed and Marella wished she’d kept her mouth shut. “You’re talking about marriage.”
“Why not? I love you and you love me. We’ve lived together for seven years, isn’t that the next logical step?”
“Marriage is a piece of paper, Marella. We’re together, living our life, isn’t that enough?”
