Twenty three

I knew that I was hiding, Dyane knew I was hiding since I haven’t left her tent since I woke up and controlled my random bursts of tears, she knew this because I had told her enough times that I hate being confined. I hate whatever I was feeling but I was not hiding because of attacking Gwenn, gods knows that I don’t feel an inkling of guilt for what I did to her but still that doesn’t change the fact that Orel stopped me and his rage for barely concealed when he stopped me. I don’t care about his feeling. He can go to hell for all I care about but what I was concerned about was the fact that I very much afraid of his wrath, I had never seen Orel with that cold unknown emotion burning behind his eyes and with the way he gripped my hand hard, I just knew that I had to leave his presence before he will do something more worse than cause bruises in my arms.

“I cannot believe, the cheater did this to you.” Dyane said as if she was speaking from my thoughts she examines the swelling in my arms and saw that it has gone down but only a little as she tried to apply treatments to it.

“He didn’t cheat on me.” I said in a tired voice.

“What did he do?” Dyane said softly.

“He withheld information from me, information that he knows that was important to me.” I said as I angrily dabbed the tears that started leaking from my eyes again.

“Oh, doesn’t seem like much.” Dyane said with a shrug as I turned to face her.

“Oh, how will you feel if your husband former lover kept telling you that you are not good enough for him just as she controls things his wife does and still haven’t handed them over to you, she ordered servants to cause you being ignored and scared on the first time after you arrival not to mention how your husband refused to pick a side when there was a clash between you two.” I said getting in Dyane face who wisely shifted back. When I collapsed in sobs, she started to rub my back while I cried when the tears would not choke me, I added. “This was not the first time he did this, I was ridiculed by noble ladies because of a similar thing.”

“I don’t know what to say other than you need to get yourself together, if you keep hiding, he will come for you soon and the whole camp will continue to make jest of you. Why don’t you stand your ground?”

“And where is my ground, in a foreign place with warriors who can kill me within seconds, or with a husband who actions shows me that I don’t have any say in what he tell me, I am only supposed to do what he wants me to do and know what he wants me to know.” I complained bitterly as Dyane shook her head.

“Right now, you have giving up on getting better treatment from him, how about you ride your anger at what he did to you and yes, those warriors could kill you but they would not unless they want to die. You have power over them all… well except your husband and that means you just need to remind them of that. You can take your duties back from Gwenn if you feel like doing them.” Dyane said as I smiled.

“I do like that idea.” I said as I thought about it. It was time I started to act like the war lady not the wife of Orel, I did that for a while and where did it get me? Training with my husband ex-lover who was still angry over the fact that I married him and that I am not good enough. This will stop, as from tomorrow, I will start implementing the changes I want to be implemented.

“Good because, you cannot hide here any longer, the sun is setting. You stay here much longer and he is going to come looking for you.” Dyane said as I nodded.

“I will need you with me tomorrow as I shake up the camp.” I said as Dyane nodded, she looked pleased at my words, I knew that this has to do with something about her life before or she would not have offered to help me.

I left her tent walking slowly to mine as the people who saw me quickly bowed and continued on their way as if they were afraid that I would pour the remainder of my anger on them. I entered my tent only to see Orel there waiting for me, his head looked up as I entered the tent and I stared at him while maintaining my position by the entrance of the tent.

“I am sorry, I know that I should have told you.” Orel said as I laughed bitterly.

“Yes, you should have, you know that but instead you decided to lie to me on purpose.”

“I did not lie.” Orel said weakly still in his soft tone as if he didn’t want me to start raging around, what he didn’t know was that the rage was there. I had the entire walk from Dyane tent to mine to groom it, everybody running at the sight of me helped to fuel it and it is close to be let out.

“Of course you didn’t, lie of omission. This is not the first time that you are doing this.” I told him as he lowered his head.

“I am sorry.” Orel said softly.

“And what is that supposed to do. Will it change Gwenn insults and disrespect to me that first day, no. will it change her actions afterwards that she got away with a slap on her wrist as punishment, no. will it change the jest that is going around the camp now about me and what is being said, no. will your being sorry help me in anyway. No.” I said as Orel growled then stomped to me and he gripped my arms as if he wanted to shake some sense into me.

“What do you want me to do Themis, tell me?”

“You can stand by letting go of me, I don’t want your hands near me unless I asked for them.” I said as I pushed him back with some force.

“Why are you angry? It happened only once and I long time ago before we got married.” Orel said drained of fight.

That tight leash on my anger dissolved at his words. “You are the most annoying person I have ever met.” I started slowly until my voice climbed higher. When I continued, my voice remained at the same pitch as if I was shouting. Which I was.

“You knew what happened in the merchant king home, you were aware of what I passed through due to your omission and this time you did it again, only that it is worst now. Here is where you stay, she had already started taunting me but you ignored it and you get to open your mouth and say that to my face”

“Calm down.” Orel said clearly out of his depth since he had never seen me this upset before.

“Get out.” I said in reply.

“What” he asked me in shock.

“Out.” I repeated. “I don’t know where you slept last night, if it was with her and frankly I don’t care, if you slept there last night, you can sleep there again today.” I said as I stomped to the bed.

“Are you driving me out of my own tent?” Orel asked in disbelief.

“You want me to leave, I am sure that one of those people outside can show me Gwenn tent, maybe I can drive her here to take her place in your bed and I stay in her tent indefinitely.” I said as Orel looked at me in shock.

“Themis, you cannot be serious.”

“Oh, I am. Both of us cannot be here together before I am tempted to push a blade through your chest when you are sleeping. Wait, did you fuck her here.” I asked as Orel stared at me, maybe because I never used that word before, a word that was seen as crass and vile but was the only thing I could use to explain what I meant, sleep with was too tame and he could circumvent his way out of that answer, make love was just too much for me, I hope it was all just scratching an itch for them both because, I might put a sword through their hearts if it was more than that.

“No, I didn’t.” Orel answered me not meeting my eyes.

“Good, now leave.” I said as Orel eyes grew cold.

“I can have you whipped for this, I can make you a trophy wife and you will have no power at all.” Orel said as I grew angrier.

“Try it.” I said in a cold tone. “Dare it.” I said as I advanced to him. He shifted away from me as I approached him. “Do it, so that I can curse you with my life as sacrifice. Just do it.”

“Your eyes are glowing.” Orel told me.

“I don’t care to know.” I replied him clearly not wanted to be distracted from my anger.

“Okay, I will leave.” Orel said as I nodded and stepped away from me.

“I never meant to hurt you, I am sorry. I did think it would have been better if you didn’t know.” Orel apologized more sincerely this time but I didn’t listen after all he just threatened to whip me for this, to make me powerless.

When he saw that I was not answering him, he left the tent and that was when the tears came. I didn’t want to be at odds with my husband but every time we quarrel, he always do something more badly than this other. This is why we will not recover from this quarrel because I will not back down this time. He needs to see me as his equal, yes he saved me from death and gave me my new status but he doesn’t get to undermine that status.