CHAPTER 33 "TEARDROPS IN THE RAIN"

JASON'S eyebrows immediately met when he was just at the gate and he saw the big door in front of their house open. He also did not know where the intense fear and strong pounding in his chest that he suddenly felt came from.

Earlier before he went out to buy a snack he made sure it was locked. He still has the key. He didn't want to think that a bad guy had entered their house while his girlfriend was in the bedroom sleeping.

It was then that he took big steps across the rocky pathway after he inadvertently threw the gate closed which in turn created a loud noise.

"Jenny? Jen?" he was just at the entrance of the house when he started calling Jenny loudly in a row.

When no one answered he ran to the room where he left her sleeping just to be startled by what he saw.

Jenny was no longer there. But that was not the only thing that caused great fear and anxiety in his chest, but the way he saw the order of his desk.

Two of the four books there are open. But he sat up because of the sudden weakness in his knees when he saw a familiar letter he had written to Ara when she was just starting as a student assistant at the library.

He picked it up then took a deep breath when he noticed a few seemingly teardrops that caused the ink to spread on the paper.

"Jenny," he said then sighed again.

He didn't know what to think but the truth was, he knew this was the reason why he didn't catch up with Jenny where he left her. He needed to talk to her and he needed to explain so he acted immediately to go to the young lady's house.

*****

"JENNY, Jason's here, looking for you," from being laid on her bed that's what Jenny heard from outside the door. It was her mother, Rowena.

Earlier she had been asking her questions because she was crying when she came home. But she didn't want to speak right now. She prefers to keep all the pain she feels to herself for a while.

She loved Ara dearly and she knew she was the same with her. She also knows that Ara knows nothing and she strongly believes that Jason was not able to admit to her best friend his true feelings. But she was hurt.

So maybe Jason made her his girlfriend because he wanted to forget how he really felt about their friend. Maybe he's hurting because he sees that Ara loves Daniel so much so it wasn’t hard for the two to decide to get married even though the latter will eventually die.

Then Jenny sobbed bitterly again and ended crying again.

She needs Ara now, she knows she will understand her but how will she do that if she is among the reasons why she is hurting now?

"Jenny, sweetie, come out, he's been waiting for you here. It's getting late already" her mother called to her again.

At that time, even against her will, Jenny decided to just face Jason. She knew not everything would be easy but it would be better if they had a better closure.

"Mama, is it okay for us to talk outside?" she asked her mother.

"If that's important, I can go out," Rowena told her. "It's misting and you might get sick when the downpour suddenly intensifies."

Jenny nodded. She remembers being outside their house and that was also the time when Jason confessed his love to her. At the last thought, she bowed sadly.

Was it right to call that love and all they had if earlier she had felt in that letter how much he liked Ara?

Obviously, Jason just used her. That was the truth and that was what she had to believe and put in her mind.

"I'm fine, Mama," she insisted then left the room to face the young man.

"Jenny!" the young man immediately stood up as soon as he saw her.

The urge was so strong that it seemed to command her to greet the man with a hug and then tell him that she no longer had all that. That she could forgive him just tell her the truth. But Jenny's heart was overwhelmed by the pain she was feeling. So she was not surprised when without a word she just looked at Jason then she left the house.

"Jenny, wait a minute," Jason chased after her as he continued to walk out from the terrace and then stopped in the yard.

"Let's break up," was all she said and she saw the shock and fear register on the man's face.

"What?" Jason asked her in a tone that he obviously could not believe what he heard.

It was then that she angrily sat down on the garden set. Jason followed her. He pulled up a chair and then positioned it in front of her.

"What are you saying?" he asked again as she remained silent.

Then Jenny quickly burst into tears again. She then stared at the young man in such a way that she could no longer hide the intense anger and pain she felt for him.

"T-There are a lot of women, but why Ara? My best friend?" that was the question she had a hard time finding an answer to. "You told me I'm the most beautiful woman you've ever met? But in that letter, you told Ara that she's one of the most beautiful people you've ever met? What was the difference then?" full of grief, she asked.

“It’s been a long time, when I wrote that letter I haven’t met you yet or even Daniel,” Jason explained.

She gets what he means but because maybe she is hurting she seems to have a hard time absorbing the true meaning of what Jason said.

"Now that Daniel is gone, why don't you pursue your long-held plan? Maybe your dream will come true?" she said in full sarcasm then glared at the young man.

She saw Jason's eyebrows meet because of what she said. "Is that really how you think of me?" he asked in a voice full of resentment.

"How about you, what do you think of me? A bed partner? A woman who is madly in love and agrees to have sex with you whenever you want? Over and over again and so you took advantage of that weakness? Damn Jason, don't make a fool of me. I'm just a fool because I love you so much so eventually I didn't save anything for myself but I'm not stupid!" she said, finally bursting into tears.

At that point, Jason tried to hold her hand but she quickly pulled it away from him.

"We're done. Forget about me because I'm not going back to school either," she said firmly then wiped away her tears.

"What? It's not possible, you're not going to school anymore? How about your studies? Your dreams? Don't do this to me, please? I love you so much," insisted the young man who finally knelt in front of her.

"I don't believe you anymore," Jenny said firmly but softly. "It is none of your business what else I would do with my life from now on because you are no longer a part of it. Go away, I want to rest," she said wiping away tears again.

When Jason stayed just staring at her she spoke again.

“I have lost a lot since I loved you. I have given everything but they are still not enough. You killed me, you took away from me my dream and the reason to live. Then now you want me to forgive you? I’m sorry, but after all, I’ve been through I don’t believe it’s even possible for a person who has died to forgive.”

That's when she saw Jason's tears flow. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly. She could also feel the trembling of it.

Jason kissed her hand and she felt his tears dripping there at the same time as now the raindrops were slowly growing.

"I love you so much, believe me, please? Don't leave me," he begged then he finally hugged her tightly.

At that moment Jenny burst into tears again. At the same time, the heavy rain continued to pour down.

"I'm sorry Jason, I love you so much to forgive you so easily despite the intense pain I'm feeling. I can't, I don't know why this happened to us. It was so fast and I didn't seem to realize it," she said as she frees herself from the young man's tight embrace. They were both soaked in rainwater.

Funny or painful, how they started is how they will end.

When Jason didn't speak and just kept crying she tenderly caressed his face for the last time. She then proceeded to speak in her usual kind and gentle tone. Because she wanted Jason to understand her.

"But I hope you respect my decision. Don't bother me anymore. Be with Ara. I'll be gone so I hope you don't leave her side. I love Ara like a real sister, but I can't look at her by now and think of everything that I have read in that letter," at last she sobbed again.

"I-I'm sorry," Jason said then closed her face with both of his palms.

Jenny nodded. "I will never forget you, that's what you have and always remember. Maybe we're just not really for each other. Or maybe not yet. I don't know, but I hope, please don't ask me to forgive you first because I just can't," she said between tears.

Then Jason stared at her. He then brought his face close to hers then crushed her with a passionate kiss for the last time.

Jenny did not refuse, instead, she responded to it. She knew in her heart that she would miss not only Jason but also his caresses and kisses. But just like what she said, she loves him too much to forgive him so easily. So even if it hurts her. She still just can't give that forgiveness to him.

Jenny didn't leave her seat when Jason started to walk away from her. She just followed him with her gaze as she let the rainwater drain her tears. If only her resentment could be swept away by the current so that tomorrow she will be okay. But she knew that would not happen.

She knew that what had happened to her would last for the rest of her life. It would be the ghost in her sleep. The ghost of her past, present, and future.

But she had to face the truth. She didn't speak to Jason anymore because she didn't want to hear anything else he could say. She did not know if they were true like she is not sure if she could still trust them completely. And when trust is broken in a relationship, for her it is even better like this, just to end it all.