Chapter 20

We enjoy time, especially when we aren't conscious of it; we forget about it, and when we clutch and are reminded of how much time remains, everything may be broken into pieces.


The hope and the happiness dropped like a fallen leaves that die as it falls.

Cold body, nervous and frightening shaking hands, and tears I can no longer control.

Please forgive me, my friends. I don't want to watch you cry and be hurt, yet it seems that I am the cause of your pain.


I could see it in their eyes. I saw fear and for that moment, I didn’t fight back. I just can’t. I can't beg a life for someone who is fighting as well. I can't beg a life for another who is battling to survive.

Hope may want to give her heart to me, yes, I want her heart badly, but I am not cruel to ask her to give it quickly to me. Hope may blind and the society were cruel to her, and I know how still she loves to be alive. She wants to know the world, and who I am to take that away.



My brother stood up. I don’t know what’s running on his mind but I just want him to see the light, and clear up his mind. I may leave but I love in his heart, and that’s important.


My gaze was drawn to Kairus, who was looking to Andrew. He'd been quite watching us and wanting to dance with them but he couldn’t. The boys were glaring at him like he stole their scene. He wasn't even invited, and the only reason he's here is that his little sister is plainly my brother's wife.

Everyone were dancing me except Kairus and he couldn’t move because the boys were glaring at him. He was there, not far away watching and smiling.


Every time my attention moved to him, his words are still fresh in my mind.


“Please, see me outside the pool after your brother fall asleep.”

“Please, see me outside the pool after your brother fall asleep.”


“Please, see me outside the pool after your brother fall asleep.”


I closed my eyes to calm everything. What he said made me drunk. I'm not even confused right now because my heart has decided to follow him. My heart chose to follow him.


Someone take a deep breath. It was my brother, who was lost and staring at my best friends. He place his hand to his arms. Kelsey smiled pleasantly as she held my brother's arm. She thought it was normal, but everyone who knew about it knew otherwise.


"Guys, it's already time," he grumbled. My brother smiled at me, giving me courage or perhaps giving himself strength. It must be extremely painful for them. I chuckled and moved closer to them.

"We had a lot of fun awhle ago, and I think it's the best moment for me," I said, smiling and looking at them. "It's time to go home and make everyone happy with your presence," I says. “You can return home and spend the rest of your celebration with your family.”

They went silent, quiet and even unmoved. It’s Christmas and they should be happy right now.



I chuckled, and my eyes were filled with sadness. They don’t have plans to stand up. They were so weak, and it was like standing in front of them, lose all their strength. My brother saw it and averted his gaze at me.



Someone must take the courage to leave first. I swallowed and cleared my throat.


"I'll go first," I said, looking at them. I smiled as I pointed to the door. "I'll wait outside," I murmured as I walked slowly to the door.


Kairus gave me a look. I knew he was watching me all day. All the moments. I’m glad that he’s not aware of my sickness. I don’t want him to get scared or pity on me.



I walked out slowly.

“They don’t want to leave?”


I was right. He followed me. I’m outside our house, and I was staring to the unfamiliar car outside, probably Thea’s house.



“You don’t want to leave too?” I asked him. “No nights out with friends or…or someone?”



He smiled a bit, and I moved my eyes to him. I crossed my arms and its cold right here but when his stares landed on me, it was a fire in the cold dessert.


“I don’t like parties, and beside I’m here to spend the Christmas.”


“What about your parents?” I asked again. He furrowed his brows, as though perplexed by my query, like why I was asking that question.


“Kelsey mention before about your parents… they used to bring their friend's daughter."

He nodded slowly. “Yes, my parents used to do that, but I'm not even with them for the entire Christmas," he explained. "I did most of it in my room, checking reports, updating, meetings, and so on."



Indeed, an workaholic guy.



The door opens. I glanced up to see them slowly walking away with a sagging shoulder.


I smiled at them. they were able to get out of the door, they were also able to forget me without falling


I think, the part that I forgot to remind them each day, was that I’m not always be here for them. There are things in life that we must accept, and they were undoubtedly painful, but it is what it is.


Leaving is memorable, and I wish them all the best to their own way home.



Dave was the first one to take a step. I smiled as I cheered him on from within. He is a strong man, of course, and I am sure that everyone behind him was equally strong as well.



“Kairus…” my brother called, and I watched him from behind."Your sister needs your help inside," my brother said, glancing at the man next to me.



“Okay.” He mumbled softly.



Just the moment that Kairus left us, the boys moved and they hugged me so tight. They aren't crying, but I can see that deep down they are all broken.


“I'm starting to miss Christmas,” Easton murmured, his voice breaking.


“You have to walk away fast. Don’t look back. Just continue driving with a smile, and remember that there are still people waiting for you.”



I think this will be the last Christmas, my last birthday. They may not know but deep inside I feel like they feel it and knew. No one voiced it out because it was a sensitive and painful topic.



I smiled as I waved at them. The genuine smile. The smile that they never forget. The smile that will always offer them the hope in their darkest night. The smile, the last smile.



They drove fast, until I didn’t see their headlights. My brother sighed and he wrapped his hands around me.


“It was so painful for them.” He mumbled. I lean my head to his shoulder.


“It was painful for you, and to our parents and…and to me.” I said weakly. My brother hold my hand and I stare our hands together. I looked thinner and paler.



We both raised our heads to the heavens. A lovely sky.

I muttered, "Let's go inside.



He remained motionless and instead quietly questioned. "Are you scared or afraid?”


I shook my head and chuckled a little. "I am... I am not for myself, but for the people who love me. I'm terrified and scared of how will you continue to live. I can't leave entirely, especially because you'll all be in a wreck.”


We stared at the sky for several minutes without my brother saying a word, and then I gave him a bear embrace while leaning my head against his shoulder.

He said quietly, "We will be OK. His voice broke, "I," he said. Then he made up his mind. Despite the sad hearts, he proceeded. "I...I'll be okay,"


He finally said it. He finally let me go. He finally set me free. I always reminding him that when he’s tired, just tell me. He was telling me now not because he was tired but because he knew that I was already exhausted


The door was opened by Kelsey. She was about to scream but she suddenly covered her mouth to see us having a silent and serene sibling moment.



She sheepishly chuckled. “Five minutes then it will be Christmas. Let’s go to the rooftop.” Kelsey whispered so excitedly. My brother chuckled with his wife’s cuteness clearly we heard her.



“You won’t miss me because you will have your baby.” I whispered. “You will have your family. It won’t be that painful, anymore.” I assured him.


He gave his head a slow shake. I moved away. He was giving me an unbelievable expression as he looked at me. "Even though I'm going to have five or ten kids and become a grandfather, it still hurts and is painful. Because you are my sibling and our hearts have always been joined, I will always think of you, weep for you, and mourn you and…and miss you.”


I'm powerless to rob them of that as well. I simply nodded and let him.



I accepted his hand when he offered it to me. When we entered, Kairus was watching us. He's wearing a Christmas hat, which made me smile.



Kelsey gave another hat to my brother and Kairus offer the red hat to me.