Chapter 51

I couldn’t meet his eyes. We won’t do something but my heart still feel nervous when we were heading to his room. He was walking first, and I was walking behind him.

He only stopped when we were already in front of his door.

He looked at me first but it stayed too long when he notice something. “Are you okay?” He asked.


I cleared my throat. Did I look oblivious?



I smiled. “Nothing. I’m good.” I said, and looked away. I can stay here and wait outside while his getting his things nor the things he bought to me.


“I don’t really know what type of cloths you want. I bought dress, shirt.” He said, and I heard the door creek, and he slowly open it.


He looked at me, and I was unsure while meeting his gaze.


“Are you really okay?” He asked again. I nodded but he moved forward to look at me, closer. “You’re face looks so red. Do you have fever?”



He was too closed that I could feel his mixed hot and cold breath. He smells so good.



I quickly moved away and went first the room. Impressive! You don’t want to get inside his room, and now, you were the one who went first to avoid him, but it even get worse.


My heart feels even more nervous. This is the very first time that this kind of felling is visiting me again.


I roamed my eyes around, and one thing I could say that his room is very clean and organized. I’m the girl but I think my room is messier while in Kairus room, I couldn’t see dirt around.


My eyes moved to his table were all the books were pretty organized. Even his bed, it’s even straight than my life.


“Feel free. You can st in my bed.” He said behind me that made me jumped. I didn’t notice him right away. I slowly moved away and take a seat as he moved closer to me.

He went to his table, and he bend down. And, I noticed all the bags behind.


He just mentioned the dress, and short. Did he brought lingerie or underwear?


“D-did you brought….u-underwear as well?” I asked, and he stopped infront of me. He stopped, and his eyes looked at me, passionately. My eyes moved down to his chest, and he was breathing so slow and hard.


Did he know now why I can’t let myself go to his room? I know myself and for sure Kairus know himself as well.


He slowly moved backward, and place the paper bags beside me. He looked at me with those strange eyes. He stopped just to look at me any longer.
I couldn’t smile at him. I couldn’t meet his stare. I know that his watching me, and when I looked at him again as I feel his hand slowly reaching my hands, I gasped.



He was kneeling in front of me. I froze as he slowly lean his head at me, and his head was on my lap. I haven’t clean or even take a bath but he lay his head to my lap.



I stared at him. I don’t feel any tears in my lap. Maybe he was resting or needs time to think or whatever.


My hands are confused if I will let myself touch his hair or not, and I chose the latter.


“Did we’ve been like this before?” He asked gloomily like it was a greatest regret not having this. He was resting his head to my lap. He looks like a guy who just carry all the problem in life.


I smiled bitterly. There’s nothing wrong to choose what I feel like I want. There’s nothing wrong in taking risk.
I sighed, and slowly reach his head. What will happen here will only stay here.


I smiled, sadly as I started touching his hair. I feel his hand wrapped to my knees. He was like a child who only wants to be alone with me.


“You were busy that time,” I said gently, wanting to mend some broken little parts. “Anyways, we weren’t that close, before.” I chuckled remembering us, “You rarely talk.” I said matter of fact.


Kairus slowly lift his head up. “If I could I would go back the time, will you give me the chance?” He asked like a lost guy.



Is this man worth of taking the chance?


“You were so young that time, and your brother entrusted you to me but it’s a fail mission. I fell for you....” he closed his eyes and reach my hand. His lips landed on my hands.



I stopped and stared at him. I offer him a greatest and kindest smile, and she get terrified or anxious around him?


The tear fell to my face. I’ve cried already to this and why I’m still crying?


I feel my lips felt the dry and my hands getting scared, and I still hold his cheeks.



If It was me I will kill myself or die outside.


He closed his eyes, trying to find the touch he wants. He tried to get rest from his, and now he’s holding my hand, tightly without hurting me.



“If I ask you if I could be with you, will you allow me?” Kairus asked. Our eyes meet, and fire started to run cross to our eyes.


If I let him, will he leave me alone? What if I let him for my own desire, will it make me happy or I will regret it?



I couldn’t speak. I don’t know the answer but my body already have her answer.



I sighed, and closed my eyes. I open it after then looked at him. I nodded with him. I agreed.


He looked so shock. I tried to smile at him. I will learn to let go the past, and imagine life with someone. Him with me. I bend down, and slowly hold his cheek again. I smiled and closed my eyes as I bend down to kiss him, light.



The light turned into grave as he kissed me back with the same intensity that he was given me. It was so slow and tasting every bit oy my tongue, and I closed my eyes while I moan.


Kairus slowly stood up and I opened my eyes and I saw him, closing his eyes too, tasting every bit of it. After long years, this is the first time that we kissed together.



Kairus stood in between me. I stopped to kissed and moan as he moved closer to me. I opened my legs and accept him. We weren’t doing more but I think the kiss just triggered our sexual denses.


I heard his slow moans and the gentle noise of our kisses. I slowly moved down myself to the bed, and Kairus was on top of me.


Is this okay? Will I regret this?