Blank blames

**Chrissy**

Egan. No, like, Egan Montez.

My expression went bland. I was confused, my mind circling the matter. 

Over the little time I rushed in there, I managed to resuscitate him. 

He had an accident that seemed like an attempted suicide. The narration was that he ran into a moving truck on purpose and when I found out the time frame, I discovered that it was around or after he left the police station when Dayle was released. 

He had a bad head injury and a sprained neck. Chances are, he might not make. 
I mean, he's cancer-positive and then the accident. It was too much for him to handle. 

However, if at all it was a planned attempted suicide, why did Egan choose that route?

Again, my mind went blank and muddled.  

I was standing in the hallway, staring directly at Egan’s room after hours and hours of being in the ICU. 

I peeked at my wrist, and I realized that it was only 9 AM. I hadn't heard from Dayle yet. 
Perhaps he was still asleep and totally exhausted. 

“How is the patient?” Lana asked, approaching.

I sighed, my frustration was palpable. 
“I hope he stays alive,” I bluntly said, my voice tying its knot together or it will break. 

Lana rubbed my arm, showing her support. Her eyes were heavy, just like mine. She, too, had been working all night. The emergencies in one night were dreadful. 

“I heard that it was Egan, right?” she asked to clarify. 

“Yes,”

“My apologies! I don't nut… You did what you could, girl. You tried to save his life in there. Let us believe that he will come out strong…” she assured me, feeling her warm hands.

“His chsndes are little, Lsna,” I desperately stated. “I don't think he deserves to die,” I stated as I took off my gaze from her, staring at the room.

“You did what any of us could have done, Chriss. You know these things, it's a 50-50 chance, okay?” she said. “Look, the police are on the case and they will figure out who hit him,” she added firmly. 

I shook my head lightly, turning to her. “He tried to commit suicide, Lana! It wasn't a mere accident…” I blurted out.
As heavy as it was, I had to tell it that way. 

“Fuck! I didn't want to believe it,” she forcefully said. the rest of the  conversation hung in the balance between the worst-case scenarios.

…
Some time later, I sat in the waiting space, a few feet away from the room when I heard Dayle’s voice interrupt my deep thoughts. 

“Babe?!” his gaze was worried and concerned altogether. 

I rose, throwing myself at him. Honestly, he was all I wanted to have a good morning despite the situation that made its way in. 

“Are you okay? I read your note an hour ago! I'm sorry I couldn't drive you down here,” he said as our big gentle broke. We sat there together, taking my hand in his. 

“They are cold,” he pointed out softly, gently rubbing my hands with his to form heat in my palms. 

“Did the emergency take a toll on you? You are awfully quiet and it scares me. Are you okay, cookie?” he asked again, his hand shoving the strands of my hair behind my ear. 

“I managed to resuscitate the patient, we are hoping he makes it out alive. He's in the ICU,” I explained as he nodded, pulling me into his embrace again. 

“Come here,” he uttered. “I’m here now. You did what you could and that's brave, Chriss,” he assured me. 

I did not want to keep pretending as if he didn't need to know, he does. 

I pulled away, catching his muddled gaze. That gaze reminded me that he knew when I was okay, pretending or hiding something from him. 

“What are you hiding?” he said before I could properly process my thoughts or my words. 

I sighed, gathering the nerves about how he would react after all. 

“The patient was Egan—”

“Seriously? Don't get me started…” he snapped angrily, rising. How he conveniently switched between seconds was unbearable and indeed a bad, bad idea. 

He looked away, raking his hair while I stared, arranging my words. 

“He was involved in an accident…”

“Yeah, you left home to attend to him?” Dayle blurted out inconsiderately. 

“I want to believe that you are not being serious right now,” I indignantly said to him, feeling the oddity of the moment hand between us. 

“Why treat him? Why do you have to be the one to attend to him? Chrissy, can't you see that it's a trick?” Dayle didn't hold back, he was bent on the fact that I shouldn't have treated Egan or driven down here in the first place. 

“Fuck it! Can you listen to me first?” I demanded. 

He scoffed, bluntly uninterested. “I wish I needed to hear something about Egan but I don't,” he turned to leave as he spoke up again. 

“He had an accident that was seen as an attempted suicide. And worse off, Egan has chronic cancer—he’s gonna die,” I pressed.

He turned to me sharply and my guess was right. Dayle still cared. 

“H- h- Ho- how do you mean?” he stuttered, his brows squeezing tightly. 

“Yes, babe, I just found out hours ago. He might not make it,” I added. 

The silence could have stayed longer but someone interrupted sharply, more like they were angry. 

“Who might not make it?” 
Dayle and I stared at the person, Egan’s mother. Beside her was Nova as well. 

I swallowed up, She didn't have to find out that way. Things could have been said more professionally and not extracted from thin air. 

I turned to her fully and continued, “It is a speculation, ma'am! I will check on him,” I said attempting to leave as she grabbed my arm tightly, my face laced with fury that I had not seen from her in a very long time. 

I mean, she was always one to speak faster or judge instantly but I didn't expect this reaction as if I were the problem. 

Or was I?

“Where do you think you are going, little whore?” she asked me, her words cut deeper than being stabbed with a knife. 

And where was this coming from? I wondered. 

“Mrs. Egan, you can ask anything but do not insult my girlfriend,” Dayle firmly warned the woman before I could speak for myself. 

“Really? Kid?” she asked Dayle as I recoiled from her grip forcefully, massaging my arm. “After everything that she's done to damage my son’s life, you dare question me?” she asked. 

“Don't—”

“Are you happy now?” she interrupted Dayle, sharpening her gaze at me. “Ruining his life? Have you found redemption my breaking my son’s heart?” she asked me as her eyes watered.  
Her voice was not contemptuous, it was bitter and angry. I wished she hadn't called me that. 

“He was happy without you but somehow you bewitched him, ruined him and now he did what he did because of you.” she groaned hitting me as Dayle shielded me and when he attempted to speak to her, I stopped him. 

“He could have been happier despite his ailment but all you had to do was take your innocence and hurt a good man,” she yelled at me, drawing attention to us. 

“Mrs. Montez, with all due respect, shut the fuck up,” Dayle let out, I could not hold him back either. 

“Do whatever makes you sleep at night and leave my son alone and I promise you, Chrissy, if my son dies, I'll make sure you pay with your life…” Egan’s mother snapped, cutting a warning or better still a threat to me as she headed away boiling in rage that left me speechless. 

What was happening? I asked myself for the umpteenth time. 

Nova, who hasn't spoken all through, finally spoke up. 

“You must be happy right now! Stop pretending to be clueless and innocent, when you're not.” she barked at me. Before Dayle could utter a word, she continued. “I hope you die and burn in hell!!” she groaned, her hands balled into fists before she left. 

Leaving me to ask myself this one question; what have I done?