Chapter 36

Merigold
" This is very impressive. Do you do the tattoos yourself?" Casper asks. " No, I don't. I just do the designs. Someone else will have to do the tattoo if you choose one of my designs." I tell him to turn back to face him. " I came here to see about some work for my helmet but I think I might be interested in a tattoo as well," Vice says. " Well, we can set up a time for us to sit down to discuss what you are looking for. And can draw you out a preliminary sketch to make sure we are on the same page before I do the fine details. I also just set up a space in the back bay at our auto shop to do detail work" I say.
We set up to meet next week here at the clubhouse. " Now that our business is taken care of, how about a dance, little lady?" Casper asks. I look to Viper for his ok. Honestly, the last thing I want to do is dance with anyone. Viper puts his hands on my shoulders `` My sister isn't spoken for but it is her choice." That was an odd thing to say. Why would he make a point to say I wasn't spoken for? I'm about to decline Casper's offer but then I see Rowdy and Axel come out of the club. And I decide what the hell. They threw me away like trash. Why not dance with someone else. Someone who wants me judging by the looks he has been giving me. I'm not doing anything else with him. But one dance won't hurt. Hell, maybe it will make me feel a little bit better for a minute.
I smile at Casper " Sure. Lead the way, big guy." Casper takes my hand and leads me to the dance floor just as ‘Rascal Flatts Yours If You Want It’ comes on. Casper puts his hand on my waist and we dance. For a huge guy, he is surprisingly light on his feet. He spins me around and it makes me laugh. I find I like dancing with him.
He pulls me close and I look up and that's when I notice his club patch. He belongs to the Red Devils. I remember them as allies with us. When the song is over I thank him for the dance and tell him I'm looking forward to our meeting. He kisses my cheek " I'm looking forward to seeing you next week."
It was nice to have that attention for a minute but it didn't make me feel better for long. I didn't take the pain away. I guess only time will do that. I had my heart broken before when Jace was killed. I never thought I would heal from that. I shattered the day I heard the news. The only thing that kept me going was my babies that I was still growing. This is nothing compared to that. I will get over it. There will be someone for me one day. I just have to remember that.
I wander over to the bar and get a bottle of water from the Prospect. Afterwards, I decided to make my way back outside and sit on top of one of the picnic tables in the far back. I just want to be by myself for a while. I probably should go home. I’m not needed anymore. I made my appearance. I can go. I’m sure Viper would understand if I told him I was tired. But I don’t move. I just sit and stare at the happy couples. The brothers and their old lady's. Laughing, cuddling, kissing, dancing. Some are even making out so heavy it looks like they need to get a room quickly. But from the things I have seen around here they probably won’t. They will just put on a show for the rest. I need to look away. I need to get out of here.
I don’t move. I can’t help but think of Axel and Rowdy. I should never have gotten involved with them. I shouldn't have let it go past that first time. Hell, there shouldn't have been a first time. It has been just me and the twins for years. I should have been content with that. I was lonely. I missed the physical connection I can’t get from friends or family. That's what it was. And I let myself believe there could be more. Even though I knew it couldn’t ever be. Never again. I won’t let myself be in a situation like that again. Next time I will know better.
I'm so lost in thought I didn't notice Tank come sit beside me. "What's on your mind Princess." " Nothing much." I lied. He puts his arm around me and I rest my head on his shoulder. " You know I don't believe you. I can see it in your eyes. Talk to me." How can he tell? He does this a lot. Always seems to know when I’m down or in need of a hug. Tank is an incredible guy. Why couldn't have gone for someone like him? Hell, why couldn't I have gone for him? He is too much like a brother, that's why. I had to go for the lying player assholes.
I take a deep breath and sigh. " I was wondering if I'm ever gonna have something like that." motioning towards Thor and his old lady. She is sitting on his lap, her head on his shoulder. He is rubbing his hand up and down her arm. They both look very happy. " One day you will. Anybody with half a brain will realize how great you are. The guy that gets you is going to be one lucky son of a bitch. If he gets past us that is. And if he ever hurts you I'll kill him." I laugh. I know he means every word. That is the best part of Tank and the other brothers. Always there to fight for me if I need it. Or a hug. Or a shoulder. I smile at him. “ Thanks, Tank.”
Tank gets off the table " Come on let's get a drink" he offers me his hand. A drink with my brother. Yes, that's what I need. I take his hand and step off the table. As soon as my feet hit the ground everything starts to spin. My vision goes black. I hear two male voices but I can't make out who they are or what they are saying. I feel two sets of hands-on me but I don't know if I'm sitting or standing. Damn it. It happened again. I'm not sure how long I'm there before things become right again.
"Merigold?" It is Tank. I can hear the worry in his voice. His hands are on my arms holding me up. " I'm fine Tank." As soon as my vision clears and I can see he is not convinced. " You're not fine." Lug Nut. Shit. His hands are on my waist. Where did he come from anyway? He was nowhere near me when I went down. At least I think so. Hell, I don't know. " I said I'm fine, Lug Nut. Probably too much to drink." I say through gritted teeth hoping he will shut up.
" You're not fine. And you haven't had anything to drink all night." Lug Nut says. Has he been watching me? I turn to him and glare" I said I'm fine." " No! You aren't. We agreed if it happened again I was telling Viper." he argues. No, he can't tell Viper. He can't tell anyone. I grab his arm " NO! You can't say anything. Lug Nut. Please!" He looks at me like I'm crazy. I whisper " Please. I'll go to the doctor. Please don't say anything." I can feel my eyes burning from unshed tears.
" What the hell is going on?" Tank growls. Shit, I forgot he was here. I look at Lug Nut begging him. He shakes his head " I'm sorry Merigold." He turns to Tank " Merigold is sick." "Lug Nut!" I shout. Right now I'm grateful for the loud music because no one else heard me. Lug Nut ignores me " This has gone on long enough. I should have something sooner." " What do you mean sick?" Tank asks. I sit down on the bench. I know there is no stopping Lug Nut now that he has gotten started.
" I don't know what's wrong with her. She thought she had the flu a few weeks ago. But she can't seem to fully get rid of it. Then the dizzy spells started." Lug Nut tells Tank. " I told you it would pass," I say. " But it hasn't passed, Merigold. I think you might be getting worse. You have fainted five times this week that I know of. Twice today. It's not passing Merigold." Tank stands with his arms crossed glaring at me. He is pissed. " Why haven't you said anything to anyone?" I sigh " As Lug Nut said I thought it would pass. And I didn't want anyone to know. I have been dealing with it by myself. Please, Tank. Don't tell Viper."
Tank sighs " I won't say anything for now. But you are going to the doctor asap. We have a doctor the club trusts. We all use him." Tanks said as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. I go to say something but he holds his hand up to silence me and turns his back to me. I give up and hang my head. It is no use in fighting anymore. I'm not even sure why I'm fighting. I know something isn't right. But I’m still blowing off like it is nothing when I know I shouldn’t.
Tank turns back to me " I got you an appointment for Thursday morning. Until then the doc says to treat it like the flu. Rest, fluids, and small meals." He points to Lug Nut " You are taking her and as soon as you are done I want to know what he says." Lug Nut nods knowing it is his ass if he doesn’t listen. Tank knees in front of me " Merigold you can't hide stuff like this from us. Whether it's the flu or something serious. We want to know." I nod and he kisses my forehead. " I'm going to go get you something to drink then I'm going to get a prospect to take you home." I stood up and hugged him as hard as I could.