Chapter Ten - You need to make up your mind.

McKenna

Paxton’s words have been echoing in my head. I was a little taken aback by what he said. I knew exactly what he meant. I have read enough romance novels to know, but it isn’t something I have experienced. I can’t get the words or the idea out of my head. It doesn’t surprise me if he does things like thatpunishes whoever he is with for bad behaviour, not in a wrong way, but in a sexual way. He has always had the type of dominant personality. I just never believed he would use it on me. It turned me on and made me nervous all at once. I have only been with two guys in my life, and the sex was, well, normal, probably what most would class as vanilla. It was fine for me because it was what I was used to, but something tells me that it would be very different with Paxton.

I shouldn’t be having these thoughts because nothing should happen between us again. I sigh and rest against the shower wall. I need to stop. He needs to stop if he wants me to believe he doesn’t want anything else to happen. It is all very confusing, not only because of what he said but also after this morning by the pool. If my brother hadn’t come down, Paxton would have kissed me, and I would have let him. I groan in frustration. I still don’t understand why he has even shown an interest in me. He can have any woman he wants. I am sure he would prefer someone closer to his age with more experience than me, someone who is as experienced as he is. I am positive he has been with a lot of women.

I pull myself together and finish showering because I need to leave for work soon. I have a nine-hour shift ahead of me, but I don’t mind. I just wish they would give me more shifts like that, so I don’t need to find another or a second job, but I only get about two shifts a week like that, which isn’t enough for what I need pay-wise to get a place of my own.

I step out of the shower, wrapping myself in a towel and one in my hair. I meant to bring my clothes here with me, but I forgot to and left them in my bedroom. I brush my teeth and exit the bathroom. I make sure there is no sign of Paxton before I leave and rush towards my bedroom. I close the door and rest against it, sighing in relief. The last thing I needed was to run into him when I was only in a towel.

“Are you okay?”

The sound of someone’s voice in my room makes me squeal and nearly drop my towel, but I grab it before it happens. I glance over to my bed and see Paxton sitting on it.

“What the hell are you doing in my room?” I ask, annoyed.

He chuckles, standing from the bed and strolls towards me confidently. He stops in front of me, trapping me between the door and him.

Paxton places one hand on the door next to my head, “Because I wanted to.” He smirks.

“Paxton, what are you doing? You tell me nothing should have happened or happened again, but since I came downstairs this morning, you have been acting the opposite of what you said.” I whisper.

Having him this close is making me nervous.

He reaches up and caresses my cheek with his thumb, “Maybe I lied to you because I know it is wrong.”

“You need to make up your mind, Paxton, because playing with me like this isn’t fair.” I breathe out.

He sighs, “I don’t meet to play with your feelings, but I am confused, Kenna. I don’t know why I am getting all these feelings. When you are around, you play havoc with my hormones. I know I should stay away, but somehow, I can’t.”

I open my mouth to speak, but the words don’t come out. I don’t know how to respond to him. He stares at me intensely, waiting for me to say something.

“I-I-I d-d-don’t know what to say.” I finally stammer out.

“I have a question for you. I know back then you had a crush on me, but what I wonder, are any of those feelings for me still there?” he asks.

Wait, he knew? I didn’t think he did. I had my suspicions, but I wasn’t sure.

“You knew?” I whisper, my cheeks and neck heating up.

Paxton chuckles, “Of course I did.”

I look at the ground, “Oh, okay.”

Paxton places his finger on my chin and tilts my head back to make me look at him again, “But what I need to know now, what are your thoughts on me? Is the crush still there? Are you still attracted to me?”

Why so many questions? And how the hell am I supposed to answer without embarrassing myself?

“Does it really matter?” I ask.

“Yes, because I need to know if this is one-sided?”

“What is it you want from me?” I question.

“The truth. I will be completely honest with you. What I am feeling for you is lust and want. I have known you long enough to know that you are more of a hopeless romantic when it comes to relationships, but it isn’t something I can be for you. I need to know if you want anything to happen between us and if you do what it is.”

“I am not looking for a relationship after what happened,” I reply.

“Okay, but are you looking for anything?”

I bite on my lower lip and decide to take a chance for the first time in my life. I may end up regretting it, but I need to find out. I don’t say another word; instead, I reach in and press my lips roughly to his. The moment our lips connect, I whimper loudly, and he groans, kissing back without hesitation.

Paxton grasps my hips and presses his body tightly to mine. It doesn’t take long for the kiss to become heated. I snake my arms around his neck. Fuck, his kisses are so good. It is enough to make between my thighs throb and wet. Paxton backs away from my lips but dips his head down to kiss my neck.

I moan loudly and entangle my fingers into his hair. He kisses up my jawline and below my ear, before his warm lips fall at my ear, “I guess that answered my question.”

“Yes.” I breathe out.

“Mmm, it is good to know we are on the same page, beautiful.” He raps and nips down on my ear.

“Yes, but nothing can happen right now. I need to get ready for work.”

As much as I would love for us to continue, we can’t, not right now. I can’t be late for work. My boss hates it when people are late. It would be strike one of three for me.

“When do you finish?” he asks, pulling away.
“Eight,” I answer.

“Hmm, so by the time you come, we won’t be alone?”

I answer with a shake of my head.

“That is okay. I will just sneak into your room when I know Carter is asleep.”

I swallow hard, “Isn’t that a little risky?”

He shrugs, “We will work it out.”

Paxton kisses me softly, “I will leave you to get ready for work, dimples.” He smirks.

I move out of the way, and he exits my room. I take a moment to gather myself. Did I really just agree to be sexual with Paxton? I have never had casual sex before, but I am sure I can adjust. I don’t want or need anything more. I have sworn off relationships for a while, but at least this way, I can still have my needs fulfilled. I just hope things don’t become awkward between us because of how long we have known one another. I don’t want things to end up being weird between us. I guess we will just need to wait and see.