Chapter Fifty-Five - Things May Change

***McKenna***

Paxton had fallen asleep on the floor, where we had created a makeshift bed, even though an actual bed was available. We had a great night of good food, talking and sex. It has been the perfect last night. Can a last night really be perfect when you have no idea when you will be seeing them again? I can’t sleep. I am sitting by the bay window, staring out into the nighttime. There is barely a soul or car in sight. I sigh and check the time. He needs to leave in five hours to catch his flight. I hate that he is leaving. I know he said he will see me as much as he can, but I’m aware of how hectic his life can be. I can’t help but feel that once he leaves, things will change between us. We will grow apart. How is someone like me supposed to keep up with a lifestyle like his? Could that even work? 

“Kenna, what are you doing over there?” 

The sound of Paxton’s voice brings me out of my thoughts. 

“I couldn’t sleep,” I whisper. 

He doesn’t need to know the thoughts that are truly running through my mind. I don’t want to make our goodbye harder than it already will be. I glance over at him and see him getting up, coming towards me. He offers a hand to me. 

“You need to get some sleep, angel. Let’s go to the actual bed and see if it helps you sleep.” 

I nod and take it. He pulls me up against his chest, reaching down to kiss me softly. I smile into his lips, happily kissing him back. It lasts only a moment before we part, and he leads me to the bed. I don’t know if it will help me sleep, but I try. We climb into bed, and I instantly snuggle in closer to him, resting my head on his chest. Paxton’s arm comes protectively around me. 

“Do you want to share what is on your mind? I know it is something.” He whispers. 

I circle my fingers on his chest. “I am just not looking forward to saying goodbye to you soon.” 

He lets out a puff of breath and hugs me tighter. “Me neither. I hate that I need to leave sooner than planned.” 

I am driving him to the airport, but I will need to stay in the car. I can’t say goodbye to him in the airport in case someone sees us together. 
I bury my face in his neck and sigh loudly. He kisses the top of my head. “I am sorry, I have to go. I would ask you to come with me, but I know that wouldn’t work. You can’t leave.” 

“I wish I could come with you, but sadly, my life is here.” 

“I know it is, baby girl.” He whispers and makes sure I am covered up. 

If things were different, if we weren’t sneaking around behind my brother’s back, then maybe I would go with him. I could find another job, but it would mean telling Carter and leaving him behind, something I am not ready to do. 

“We should get some rest. I would like us to have breakfast together before going to the airport.” 

We settle down for the night again. Paxton falls asleep quickly. I try, but find myself struggling too. I need to keep it together. I don’t want to cry when we say goodbye. It will make it harder, and I don’t want to seem over needy either. He probably wouldn’t see me like that, but I still don’t want to come across like that. 

I groan, getting frustrated with the lack of sleep. It will be a long time of staring at the ceiling. I can sleep all day tomorrow after I come back from the airport. 

****
The smell of fresh coffee tickles my nose, and it wakes me up. I finally fell asleep, but I'm sure I've only slept for a couple of hours. 

“Wake up, beautiful. I have fresh coffee and breakfast burritos.” 

It takes me a moment to wake up, but I do. “You went out to get breakfast?” 

I thought we would go out together. 

“Yes. I know you didn’t get much sleep. I wanted you to have a little extra sleep. We can have breakfast here before we leave.” 

I nod and sit up. “Thank you.” 

He reaches in and strokes the hair from my eyes. “I don’t want to leave.” 

I can hear the sadness in his voice. He moves his hand down to caress my cheek. I close my eyes and move into his touch. “I don’t want you to go, but we will see one another soon. I promise.” 

His lips cover mine in a gentle kiss. I moan softly and manage a smile. He pulls away. “We should eat and get ready, beautiful.” 

“Yeah,” I whisper, trying to disguise my disappointment. 

We will need to leave within the next hour. He climbs back onto the bed, sitting next to me to eat. The silence in the room speaks volumes. None of us wants to say goodbye, but we don’t have a choice. The tears brim in my eyes, but I manage to wipe them away unnoticed. Neither says a word until we finish. 

“Shower?” he asks. 

“In five minutes,” I say and cuddle into him. 

“Okay, five minutes, but then we need to make a move.” 

“Don’t remind me.” 

I hate goodbyes. I can’t deal with them. I have said too many in my life already. I just hope the distance isn’t what will tear us apart. He will be surrounded by so much temptation. Hopefully, he doesn’t fall back into his old ways, especially when he is back on the road. He isn’t the same man who came here at the start of summer, but it is because he has been away from that life.

“I am sorry, angel.” He whispers, kissing the top of my head. 

“It is okay. We knew it would come to this, eventually.” 

“Only if that made it any easier.” He sighs. 

“Yes, only if.” I agree. 

It will take some adjusting not having him around, but what choice do I have?