Chapter Thirty-Eight - I need to fix this.

Paxton

I have stayed locked in my room most of the day after my encounter with McKenna. I understand why she is mad at me. I did not expect her to call things off, though. But I don’t think me fucking someone else is the part which hurt her the most. I am sure she didn’t like that I did, but I believe what got to her the most was my leaving her alone last night and breaking another promise. I was an idiot! I feel terrible for it all.

I have kept my distance, but I need to talk with her. I need to know if I should stay here in New York or head back with them. I won’t go back if she doesn’t want me to. I won’t intrude in her life or home like that. I sigh and climb out of bed, where I have been since I returned to my room. I could try calling, but she will reject my calls. I would rather we talk face-to-face if she lets me in.

I exit my room and head to hers. I take a few deep breaths and knock loudly. I wait, but there is no answer. I sigh and try again, louder. She will let me in if I bang on it long enough because she won’t want to risk Carter seeing me. The door finally opens, and she groans when she sees me.

“Paxton, what do you want?” she whispers.

“Can we please talk?” I ask softly.

She doesn’t answer at first. She stares at me, deciding what to do. She finally nods and steps aside to allow me to come in. I smile and stroll inside. She closes the door behind me and turns to me.

“What do you want to talk about?” she questions.

I head over to stand in front of her, “I wanted to apologise and tell you I know I fucked up, but does it really need to be the end of us?”

I tried to reach for her hand the same way I had earlier. She shakes her head, pulls it away and walks over to sit on the bed. I close my eyes and draw in a breath before I go and join her. I keep a distance between us. She doesn’t want me close.

“Paxton, it is done. It is for the best. We can go back to how it was before anything happened. You will be Carter’s best friend and someone I have known my entire life. Nothing more. Nothing less. I can’t get into this with you. It is all too much. We are lying to Carter. And a man like you shouldn’t be involved with someone like me. I don’t know what I was thinking. We were a mistake.” She says.

I know she wants to end it, but she really sees me as nothing but a mistake.

“A mistake? That was all I was to you? Really?” I snap.

“No, I said what happened between us was a mistake, Paxton. There is a difference, and don’t fucking snap at me. You are the one who messed everything up, not me.” She hisses.

“Why is this getting to you so much? It wasn’t like we were a couple.”

I regret the words the second they come out of my mouth. I know my being with someone else isn’t the biggest issue.

“You think I care that you fucked someone else? I am not an idiot; I know how many women you screw around with. You are a male hoe. And if you think that is the reason, then you don’t know me at all.” She barks, shaking her head.

I sigh and run my fingers through my hair, “No, I know that isn’t the main reason you are mad at me.”

“Then why fucking say it? Were you trying to do, hurt me? Make me Guess what, it didn’t work.”

I need to start thinking before I talk. McKenna isn’t just some random woman I know or someone I have been sleeping with, and I shouldn’t treat her as such.

I move to kneel before her. She looks up at me, and I can see the tears in her eyes.

“Dimples, I am sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean to. I understand why you are angry with me. It has nothing to do with another woman. You are disappointed in me because I left you alone last night. I wasn’t by your side when I promised I would be. I let you down again.” I say softly.

“It is my fault. I shouldn’t have come. They were right; I didn’t belong there, and I sure as hell am not someone who should be with someone like you in any way.” She whimpers.

I look at her, confused, “Who are they?”

She sighs, “Your friends from last night. They were bitching about me in the bathroom. They didn’t know I was in the stall.”

“What? You should have told me, Kenna. Please don’t listen to them. It isn’t true.” I say and take her hand in mine. She doesn’t pull it away this time.

“How could I have done that, uh? You were with them the entire night. Even if I had tried to come and talk to you, it wouldn’t have mattered; you would have told me no because you were too busy with them. It is true, and that is fine. I don’t belong in your world, and to be honest, I don’t even want to be a part of it. It is too much.” She replies.

“I would have if you came to me.”

“You may think that, but you wouldn’t have. Because of the pretty women, you and Carter left me alone at the table most of the night. It wouldn’t have made a difference.” She insists, shaking her head.

“Kenna, I really am sorry. It was now how last night was supposed to go. Please, we can fix this. Don’t end it yet? We promised one another the summer.” I beg.

“Promises get broken, Paxton. I can’t do this. I can’t do us, even if it is just sex. It is too complicated. I don’t want to continue to lie to my brother. I am sure you aren’t enjoying lying to your best friend either.” She says softly.

“Is there any way of me making you change your mind?” I ask.

She shakes her head, “No. It is for the best.”

“If that is what you want. I won’t come back with you and Carter. I will stay here.”

“Paxton, you don’t need to do that. You can come back with us. You wanted to take a break for the summer, and if you stay here, we know what will happen. You won’t get a break. You will fall into bad habits and end up getting yourself into trouble again.”

“Are you sure you will be okay having me there?”

She reaches up and caresses my cheek, smiling, “I will be fine, and it is the best thing for you.”

I close my eyes and find myself moving into her touch, “I will come back in a couple of days. You need a little space from me.”

I open my eyes, “Promise you will come back?”

I nod, “I promise. I am sorry, McKenna. The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you in any way. I hope you can forgive me.”

“I will, but if you break this promise, I won’t,” she states firmly.

“I will not break it. I will fly back out in a couple of days.”

“Okay.” She nods.

I can’t break another damn promise to her, not when I know they are important to her. I kiss her forehead and get to my feet.

“I will leave now. If you get bored, you know where my room is. We can watch a movie or something.” I suggest.

“Thanks, but my plan is already in place. A warm bubble bath, a glass of wine and reading in bed before going for an early night.” She replies.

I should have known it was her plan, “Okay. The car will pick you and Carter up tomorrow at ten for your flight. Can the three of us have breakfast before you guys leave?”

I will need to come up with an excuse to tell Carter why I am not returning with them immediately.

“Sure, we can do breakfast.” She smiles.

McKenna walks me to the door as we say our goodbyes. I leave her room, sad and defeated. I didn’t want our conversation to end like that. At least she doesn’t seem to hate me. I will call the progress. If I give her a couple of days, perhaps she will change her mind about us.