Chapter Thirty-Six - I am an idiot!

Paxton

I am worried about McKenna. She isn’t in her room, answering my calls or replying to my texts. I haven’t seen or spoken to her since last night. I am sure she is mad at me, and rightly so. I broke my promise to her again! I didn’t stay by her side and let her leave alone. I didn’t mean to do it, but sadly, the guy I have been trying to run from came back through last night. It is the entire scene that does it to me. Put me into a situation which I am involved in because of my fame, and I change to fit into it. I hate myself for it. I should have called or texted her last night to ensure she returned to the hotel safely. I should have gone back with her. I had too much to drink and was surrounded by beautiful women, two of my weaknesses in one. It isn’t an excuse to treat McKenna like I did. I acted like a fucking idiot.

I made a lot of mistakes last night. I drank too much, took some drugs and hooked up with someone else. Usually, these things don’t bother me, well, maybe the drugs. I know I shouldn’t be taking them. It isn’t a common thing; I do it occasionally. But everything else I don’t have an issue with, but I feel so damn guilty today. I feel like I cheated on McKenna, which doesn’t make sense because we aren’t together. It is a summer fling. I sigh and tug at my hair in frustration.

I tried calling her again, but still nothing. I believe she is rejecting my calls. I leave my room and go to Carter’s. I knock loudly, over and over, until he answers.

“What is with all the banging?” he groans as he answers.

“Have you seen McKenna today? She isn’t in her room. I tried calling her, but there was no answer.” I panic.

“She came by earlier to make sure we got back safe and then stormed off. She is mad at me, no, at us, I think because of last night.” He replies.

“Did she say where she was going?”

He shakes his head, “I am sure she is fine. She probably went to Central Park to read or something. Why are you freaking out so much? She can take care of herself?”

“I know she can, but she doesn’t know the city. I don’t want her to get lost.”

“Paxton, she will be fine. Stop worrying. Now, go away. I need more sleep. I am so rough.” He groans.

“Okay. I am going to go out for a walk.” I reply.

He nods, closing the door behind him. I wasn’t going for a walk for no reason. I wanted to see if I could find McKenna. I want to apologise to her and make sure she is okay. I don’t want us leaving her on bad terms. If she can’t forgive me or is really mad, staying here and not going back with them would be best. If I did that, though, Carter would start to ask questions. As always, I have made a mess of things.

I put my hat and shades on before I leave the hotel. There are already enough of me circulating social media. Some of Kenna and me, people wondering who she was and ones of me and Carter leaving the event and the after parties with the girls. I look wasted in most of them. I’m curious if McKenna has seen any of them. If she has, it will be another thing stressing her out because some posts call her my new girlfriend or another notch to add to my bedpost.

I am thankful that there is no media outside of the hotel. I am surprised since they know I am here, but I won’t complain. I start my walk to search for McKenna. I don’t think she would have travelled too far from the hotel. The first place to check is Central Park—not all of it, but the part closest to the hotel.

I grab a coffee from a local coffee shop and head over. I take my time to walk and look around, not wanting to walk by Kenna. It is busy. There are a lot of couples acting all cutesy. I can’t help but roll my eyes. The couple thing isn’t for me. I walk around for about an hour, but there is no sign of her.

I groan, checking my cell to see if I have heard from her, but there is nothing. I sigh and try calling her one last time, but she refuses to answer. I don’t want to go back to the hotel until I find her. Maybe a break for some food will help me focus better and cure my hangover. I have only had a couple of hours of sleep. I am exhausted. If I knew Kenna was okay, I would have stayed in bed for most of the day until I felt better.

I keep my head down as I find somewhere to eat. I chose the café across the street from where I am. I make sure no cars are coming and run across. The closer I approach I spot a familiar face. I saw McKenna sitting outside, and she wasn’t alone; she was with some guy. They were laughing and talking. Who the fuck is he? Why is she with him? How did she even meet him?

I sneak by them and head inside. I take a seat where I can see them, but they can’t see me. I want to know what is going on. The best way to work that out is to watch them. Is she on a date? But if so, when and where did she meet him?

I place an order with the staff for bacon, eggs and hash browns, along with a large black coffee. I take my cell out and call her. She looks at the screen, rolls her eyes and doesn’t hesitate to hit the rejection button again. I am getting pissed off now that she keeps doing it. Is she that mad at me, or is whoever the guy is stealing her attention more than me?

Why am I mad at seeing her being with someone else? I am acting like a jealous boyfriend. I shouldn’t be jealous. I have no reason to be. It is hypocritical of me since I was screwing someone else last night. I am not used to being the one on this end of a situation. I am the one who is usually fucking people over and making them jealous. What is wrong with me? Why is this affecting me so much?

They are getting along great. They are acting like they have known one another for a while. I feel like a creepy stalker watching them, but I can’t help myself. I need to wait for the right time to approach and see how she reacts to me showing up. Will she care? Feel guilty? Try to make me jealous. I am spiralling. It is never a good thing when I spiral. I close my eyes, taking a few deep breaths. I need to keep it together.