Chapter Eight - Not ready to deal with it.

McKenna

I stayed out longer than I needed to. I left five hours ago. I went for my coffee, then to the library, and met my only friend for dinner. I stayed out as long as I could on purpose because I wasn’t ready to face Paxton. I did text my brother to tell him I wouldn’t be home until later than planned. He would worry if I just disappeared for hours when I was only supposed to be going out for coffee.

I have been sitting in my car in the driveway for twenty minutes. It is time, though, for me to head inside. I take a few deep breaths, climb out of my car and head inside. I find Paxton and my brother gaming with beers and pizza in the living room.

“Hi,” I say softly.

“Hey, little sis, we left you some pizza in case you were hungry.” Carter smiles.

Paxton mumbles a hello without even looking at me. It would seem I am not the only one avoiding the situation.

“I already had dinner, thanks, though,” I reply.

“You want a game?” Carter asks, offering me the controller.

I enjoy gaming sometimes, but I am not in the mood tonight.

I shake my head, “Nah, not tonight. I am just going to go to my room.”

Carter looks at me with a concerned look on his face. “Everything okay? You seem a bit off.”

I flash my best smile at him, “Yes, I am fine. Tired. Enjoy your night.”

I turn and leave the room, sighing to myself. I shouldn’t have let what happened between us happen. I should have pushed him away. Tomorrow morning, I am sure he will have forgotten everything about it, and his feelings will be gone. He was probably just confused and lonely, and I was there.

I head into my room, change into sweats, and crawl onto the bed, slipping under the covers. I put some music on and found a book to read. My two comforts. It may seem a little pathetic to some, but I don’t care. It is what makes me happy. I don’t like to socialise or party. It exhausts me, socialising for too long.

I refocus my mind on my book. At least in the world of fiction, I don’t need to worry about Paxton. Fictional men are so much better. I only read a few pages before I started craving some snacks. I should have brought some up with me. I could try forgetting about them, but it won’t work because now I have the idea in my mind.

I groan, pause my playlist and set my book down. I make sure to be quiet as I go downstairs, hoping no one will hear me. They probably won’t because of the volume of the TV. I arrive at the kitchen without being seen.

I check to see what snacks there are. There isn’t much so I will need to go shopping tomorrow. I find some popcorn and a tub of mixed fruit in the fridge. They will do for now. I grab a bottle of water and a soda. It is enough to do me for the rest of the night. I will be in bed in a few hours. I am glad I have managed to get what I need without running into Paxton.

I rush for the kitchen door, but Paxton blocks my path. Damn it! So close.

“Hey,” I say casually.

He smiles softly at me, “Hi.”

At least he isn’t ignoring me and making eye contact with me.

“I was just grabbing some snacks.”

It’s not like he asked what I was doing, but it is better than silence.

“I see that,” he chuckles, “Can we talk about what happened?” he adds in a whisper.

I shake my head, “Not the place or time. We should forget it ever happened.” I say softly.

I scurry away back upstairs before he has a chance to reply to me. It was not very mature of me, but I am not ready to deal with it yet. I don’t need to worry about Paxton following me to my room since my brother is home. He wouldn’t risk it.

I settle back in bed, hitting play on my music again and get back into my book. With any luck I will fall asleep as I do and don’t need to think about what happened until tomorrow.

****
I am woken from my sleep with gentle shakes and someone whispering my name.

I groan, “Sleeping, go away.”

“Kenna, please wake up.”

I soon shoot up when I realise it is Paxton. Why is he in my room, and what time is it? I glance at my clock, and it reads four in the morning. I don’t even know when I fell asleep. The last time I looked at the clock, it was only eleven.

“Paxton, what are you doing in here at this time?” I ask tiredly.

“Because I had to wait until Carter was asleep.”

“It couldn’t have waited until tomorrow when he went to work?” I ask, rubbing my eyes and yawning.

He shakes his head, “No, because at least in here at this time, you can’t run away from me.”

“I didn’t run away from you. You were the one who ignored me, Paxton, after it happened.” I sigh.

I am not taking all the blame for it. I will take my fair share, but not it all.

“Scoot over, please.” He says.

I nod and move over to the other side of the bed. Paxton puts my bedside lamp on and sits in the space next to me.

“I am sorry; it was wrong of me to ignore you in the way I did. I was confused and didn’t know how to act.” He sighs.

“And you think I do? It was just as confusing. It hurt me when you ignored me, Paxton. I am not the type of girl to do those things.” I say honestly.

“I acted like an ass. I really am sorry, dimples.”

“None of it matters now. It should not have happened, and it will not ever happen again. So you don’t need to worry about it. You are off the hook. I know it didn’t mean anything, and it was a caught up in the moment kind of thing.” I shrug.

It did mean something to me, but he doesn’t need to know that. The situation is different for each of us. I once had strong feelings for him, but he has never had them for me. I would rather it just be over and done with.

“No, it shouldn’t happen again. I can’t betray my best friend in such a way. Is that what you think? It didn’t mean anything?” he asks softly.

“No, you can’t. And yes, that is what I think because you are well, you, and I am me. You don’t see me like that. You have been through a rough time; I understand you were probably only looking for a distraction or something.”

He sighs and shakes his head. He climbs off my bed, “Goodnight, McKenna.”

He walked out of my room. I sat there wondering what happened. Why does he seem mad at me for saying what we were both thinking? It is too late to be worrying about this crap.

I groan in frustration, switch the light off and try to fall back asleep. I can deal with it in the morning.