Ch. 140: The Wake of Destruction

CHAPTER 140:
Evan~
I kept expecting her to wake up in Jake’s arms. That somehow, his tears would bring her back. But she just lay there, like a ragdoll, in his arms. If it weren’t for how strikingly pale she looked, I would have told anyone she was sleeping.
But she didn’t wake up.
It’s hours later and Nick was barely able to get Jake inside. We cleared the field as best we could, bringing in the injured and putting the dead together. Amber had removed all traces of The Collective while we had sat there with Jake. I don’t like how shell shocked she was. She didn’t seem to be actually experiencing all of this and I worry for when those feelings will surface.
I know she didn’t like those people. But they still raised her. She told me about jokes and kindnesses that she received in little bursts along the years. She’s basically just lost her family. But she doesn’t want to talk about it. She hasn’t even cried about it.
And I can’t say I don’t understand that.
I can’t even imagine opening my mouth to talk about losing so much today. Rachel, my mom… the reminder is too much right now. My dad made it, barely. But his heart is shattered, and he’s lost an arm. And soon, I’ll be an orphan. He won’t make it much longer without her.
I blink away the tears in my eyes and try to swallow down the pressure in my chest, the lump in my throat - everything that feels like I am physically drowning.
My wolf is crazed over it.
Someone tried to take Amber back to the cells and I just snarled at him. I don’t even remember who it was. And after everything, they just let her in the packhouse with me. She’s currently asleep on my bed. We both didn’t say a word.
Just walked in, laid down on the comforter, and held each other in silence for hours. Her breathing evened out about ten minutes ago and I’m thankful she’s finally sleeping. Me? Not so much.
It’s almost four in the morning. The birds can be heard in the forest. Life is coming back to the packlands. But it’s not the same life anymore.

A knock on the door startles me. I look at the clock and see it’s almost five thirty in the morning. Late.
Amber looks over and I don’t know when I fell asleep or when she woke up. I just pull her in and hug her tightly before letting go. I sit up when she stops me.
“Evan?” she says, her voice cracking.
I look at her.
“I know you have been trying to reject me,” she starts. I open my mouth to stop her but she holds up a hand. “Just let me finish, okay?”
I nod.
“I won’t accept your rejection. Not now. Not ever.”
I can’t form words so I just pull her back into my arms and kiss the top of her head. We stay like that for a minute before she starts openly crying.
“Not ever,” she says again, her voice breaking.
I realize I haven’t said anything, I’m just letting her break.
I pull back and look into her eyes, holding her face so she’ll look at me.
“Not ever,” I say back, my voice gravelly from the morning. “You’re mine.”

Jake~
I can’t function. We have lost so much - I’ve lost so much. And everything just feels empty. Evan’s mom is gone. Both of Nick’s parents. Countless others. And my ma- my Rachel… She’s gone.
Hollow doesn’t describe the feeling of being a living member of the dead. I feel dead myself. A ghost. Aamon broke when Rachel died. I can’t sense him anymore. So I am more alone than ever. All the heat that came with him is gone. I feel like a skeleton. Feelingless. Everything’s gone now.

Somehow it’s the next morning and there’s someone calling for me. I can’t focus on who it is.
“Alpha…. Alpha please,” it calls. “Jake.”
Then there’s a hand on me and there’s a redheaded girl’s face very close to mine.
“We need to get you outside. It’s time,” she says.
I don’t bother asking her why or who she is. She pulls me along, with Evan at my side, and we walk through the hallway. There’s light coming through some windows and I squint. I have no fight in me left to go back to her. Was I with her? Where was I?
I can’t remember.
I’m led downstairs and out the front door. There are people there. Packmembers. They line both sides of me as we walk past them. The girl pulls me along forward.
There’s a large building ahead. No. A pyre.
I pull back.
No. I know where she’s taking me now. I can’t. I can’t do that.
Evan is next to me and saying something I can’t hear. He’s sad. He pulls my face closer and we look at each other for a moment. He speaks again.
“It’s not her. Not yet. I promise,” he says.
It’s not her. It’s not her. She’s not in the pyre.
I stop resisting and the redhead girl pulls me forward. All the way up to the end of the line. Nick is there. His head was buried into Ally. Other faces blur. I fell to my knees next to Nick. Other people move around me. Soon Nick turned to me and tried to get me to stand. I follow him.
Ally hands me a long stick with a fire at the end. Everyone is staring at us. Nick says something to them. Then Evan gets up to me and tries to say something to me. I stare blankly. I don’t know what he’s said.
He stands in front of me, and Ally is there, holding my wrist. She sends warmth through it and my chest lightens ever so little.
“Alpha, you should say a few words. If you can,” Ally says, looking between Evan and Nick.
I open my mouth and look out at the crowd. My pack. And a few others.
“I-” I start but my voice cracks and my throat is raw. I look down at Ally again and she’s still sending warmth. I will try again. “I’m so sorry.” I say.
The world is silent but for the some birds and squirrels in the forest around us. No one says a word. I blink a few times and try to push further, knowing I’m needed at this moment. I have to say something.
“I’m not-” my voice breaks. “I’m not the best with words or speeches. And on a day like today - I can barely stand. I’m in so much pain. Everyone who is standing here - we lost. We’ve all lost so much. And words can only do so much. I just-” I swallow. “Let’s take a moment to remember everyone who gave their lives for us.”
We all stand silently and I try to focus on the warmth Ally sends, and not the pit I’m trying to fall back in.
After a moment, I hear Mitchell howl. A long sorrowful sound. He howls again and this time we all join. One long, pitiful howl for our losses, for our pain.
And then I lower the flame to the pyre.
We watch in silence as the fire consumes everyone and everything. A few wolves whine or cry. I’m too empty to participate anymore, and Ally has let go. So I sink down again and lie my head against the long torch still in my hands.

We stay out there for hours, until the sun is high in the sky. Some have left. Either back home offsite or to the packhouse. There are no words.
After too long, the redhead is there again in front of me, tugging my arm.
“Alpha, you need to say goodbye,” she says, misty eyes looking into mine.
“I can’t,” I find myself saying.
“I know,” Ally says, coming into view.
“We’ll do it together,” Nick says, offering me his hand.
I take it.
Nick leads me around the back and there’s a white sheet on a table.
“I’ve used some magic to keep her cool,” the redhead girl says.
I blink and I’m on the ground in front of her.
Evan is ahead. He scooped her up and lowered her into my arms. And I hold her like I did before.
She’s cold. She’s here but she’s not here. Rachel is gone.
Everyone around me starts taking turns saying a few words but I can barely hear them. It comes in and out.
“-my first best friend,” Ally says.
“Fierce and funny,” the Fae boy says.
“A brave soul,” the redheaded girl says.
“A warrior,” Evan says.
“Our Luna,” Nick says.
And then it’s quiet. Like they’re waiting for me.
I look up at them.
Even Elise is here. But she says nothing.
“My heart,” I say.
And then I lay her down.
I put my forehead to hers and inhale what’s left of her scent. I kiss her briefly and then Nick helps me lean back.
The redheaded girl looks at me and then to Ally. They raise their hands and the air around us turns a deep sea blue, then a dark red, followed by an orange and a yellow.
What is that? Aamon asks.
I thought he was gone.
What is that sound? He asks again.
I focus trying to hear it - another heartbeat.