Ch. 20: Reading Behavior

CHAPTER TWENTY:
Jake didn’t try talking or messaging me back the whole ride to Pacific. I relaxed a little in my seat. I glanced over at him a few times over the course of the drive, but he always seemed to be looking elsewhere, shoulders down like a guilty puppy. When we pulled up to Pacific, he got up first and took a step towards the back of the bus to let me pass, not saying a word or giving me a single glance. I led the group off the bus and into the school. Once inside Melanie caught up to Angela, June and I.
“So, how is Anthony this morning? Positively glowing now that you finally gave in?” Angela teased, elbowing Melanie gently.
Melanie turned pink all over, the blush immediately contrasting with her dark almond eyes. She playfully swatted Angela away.
“You are the one who is to blame for all this you know,” June pointed out to Angela. “She probably would’ve never spoken to him again if it weren’t for that party you dragged us to last weekend. They’ve been texting for days since!”
Melanie batted her sister away and we all continued walking to the cafeteria. Angela spent the remainder of our walk filling me in on their party and all the shenanigans that had gone down. Mostly who liked who, who flirted with who, and who got trashed and dumb. I recognized a few of the names but not very many, it seems it had been mostly Juniors and Seniors. Mostly P.H. students, which made since, they were the professional party school. Melanie’s new boyfriend Anthony went to P.H. and it sounded like he had been chasing her since their Sophomore year. He seemed like a sweet guy. From what I could remember of him growing up he was pretty quiet and kind. He included everyone in playground games. I hoped he and Melanie would be really happy together.
After sitting in the cafeteria for a few minutes, taking the time to get a little ahead on homework, Ally sent me a text that she was about to get dropped off. We made plans to meet at the library again. Mr. Waller had told us last time that we were welcome any time. We met in front of the library and I knocked on the door. Ally shivered in her boots, her hair was still wet from a shower and the fog was deep and bone-chilling today. After a few moments Mr. Waller opened the door and let us in.
“Morning, ladies,” he greeted as he walked back to his desk.
“Morning,” I replied, with Ally adding a quick, “Thanks.”
We sat at the table closest to the windows, overlooking the stairwell down to the gym, the track and fields, the tennis court, and the streets all the way down to the ocean.
“So… I’m worried that you were right,” I started once we sat down.
Ally pretended to flip her hair and declared, “Of course I was. About what though? Something with Sean?”
I sighed, “No, Jake.”
Her eyes widened. “Did he say something?”
I filled her in on how he had followed me from the bus earlier this week, and she hemmed and hawed about how I shouldn’t have been leaving this stuff out of our talks. I assured her that it really wasn’t on purpose, and with everything else going on I really didn’t think it was all that important, not until doubled on to everything else from him this week. I told her about this morning, and the bus ride. She listened intently, and I sank to rest my head on the desk in front of me, covering my head with my arms.
“Of course this all happens at the same time,” I mumble into the table. I exhale loudly and sit up a bit.
“I’ve got a theory about this. I’m pretty sure that people who like you who are kind of on-the-fence finally take action when they sense you’re unavailable. I bet that he doesn’t even know about Sean but something about you exudes I’m-happy-elsewhere, you know? But that’s not fair. Like, if he really liked you he wouldn’t wait for something like that to happen. You’re not important until you’re ‘gone’,” she explained, using air quotes, “then, pshh, I guess you weren’t that important to that person in the first place,” she finished, matter-of-fact tone and all.
She crossed her arms above the table.
“You’re probably right about that too,” I exhaled.
Ally was always really intuitive. Sometimes she would call me the minute I thought about calling her. It was even more so with people. It was like she understood feelings more than I could ever hope to. I wonder why she was so good at reading the feelings of others, but not so much her own. Case in point: Simon. She knew he probably liked her, but she didn’t see (or at least admit outloud) that she liked him too.
With all this talk about Jake I had forgotten about Sean’s text from earlier. I sat up fully and messaged him back a ‘good morning.’
<< From Sean to Rachel: can we hang out at break again today? I’ll walk with you after film? >>
<< From Rachel to Sean: Sure! I do have lunch with Ally though later. >>
<< From Sean to Rachel: of course, no worries. guess I can’t hog you all the time. simply unfair to the rest of the world >>
I looked up, smiling at his reply when I noticed Ally looking dejected. She was holding her own phone, reading something that had her eyes misting. I put my hand on her shoulder.
“Hey,” I ask her softly, “what’s going on?”
“Oh,” she sniffles, wiping the tears that came loose at my questioning, “my parents. I just… I don’t understand why they’re acting like… like children. I don’t like feeling like I’m caught in the middle again. It’s like when they first separated all over again - but brutal this time...”
She paused, her mouth slightly ajar. The pain she felt was so raw. I sat there quietly, giving her space, not knowing if she wanted to explain more or keep it private for now. Ally was such a great listener, and such a kind person. I hated not having that same gift of intuition. I couldn’t impart any real wisdom into the human psyche like she naturally could. All I could do was be there for her. After looking off for a few moments she sniffed and took some deep breaths, putting down her phone facedown on the table. She patted the hand I had still on her shoulder.
“I’m okay,” she sniffed, “thanks.”
I gave her a small, close-lipped smile, “Of course. I wish I could do more.”
“That’s alright,” she assured me, “this helps.”
After some time Ally switched topics to Sean again, asking if we had made any new plans. I think she was fishing for a distraction, and let her know we were just talking about Break plans right now. I let her know I kept lunch free today if she wanted to hang out, which she nodded to enthusiastically. I needed to keep time for Ally. She needed to know I was still here, to help through this stuff, and hopefully to help open her eyes to the full adoration of Simon.
At that thought, Simon came into the library and joined us at our table. Mr. Waller must have unlocked the door to everyone else at some point during our conversation. Ally sat up a little straighter in her seat, I don’t think she even noticed. Simon sat down across from Ally and wished us both a good morning. He pulled out some homework and asked Ally about where she was in our Humanities assignment. She became totally engaged in conversation with him and he made her laugh a few times recounting something funny he and his brothers got into last night. His brothers were older and both in college, and they loved taking him out to strange concerts and pop-up museums. All things weird and odd, and totally California. I noted again how great he could be for Ally. He seemed to always be able to captivate her interest and improve her mood.
We gathered our things a little before the first bell, and headed out to use the restroom before classes started. Simon waited outside to walk with Ally to their morning class, P.E. The stairwell down to the gym was close to my classroom for Film, so we all headed in the same direction before I waved goodbye to them. Ally continued to shine at Simon. I made my way a few doors down to the classroom Mr. Waller used for Film. Maxine was already there waiting, standing next to Sean. I walked up, waving at Max and received a side hug from Sean. I could smell the woodsy smell of his deodorant, and its spice hit my lungs almost making me hum in delight. Something so simple like this could make me so happy. Maxine poked me on my stomach.
“You,” she emphasized, “we need to catch up today when this guy isn’t all over you. Lunch?”
Sean reached over and held me to his side again and told her, “No, not sure if I’ll let her go.”
I playfully shoved back against him, pushing my palm on his stomach to discover how hard it was. I tried not to react. He must be all muscle there. He let go but he didn’t move away.
“Sorry Max, I promised Ally we would have lunch - just us. She’s going through some stuff. Do you have a little time after school?” I tried to find a workable middle ground.
“I suppose that’ll do,” Maxine decided.
Sean’s arm dangled freely down by his side and he leaned against me. The back of his hand touching my arm. I reached for his hand and he smiled down at me, grabbing hold of it. I was proud to be standing here holding his hand. I noticed two girls closer to the door who looked at us with distaste in their expressions. They turned back, one of them rolling her eyes. I guess these would be some of the girls Maxine and Marsha told me about when Sean first started showing an interest in me. Maxine was busy on her phone when Sean squeezed my hand. He had noticed me watching the girls and had a question in his face. I shrugged, and he squeezed again.
Mr. Waller came out from the back door of the library and right across to the classroom for Film. The lake of students parted and let him through to open the door. He let us walk in the dark classroom, and someone ahead of us turned on the light. Sean guided me to the same seats we used last time, with Maxine on my other side. We sat down and brought out our homework to turn it in. Sean volunteered to collect everyone’s work and was up walking to each seat. I noticed Maxine looking at him strangely.
“Everything okay?” I asked her, in a low tone.
She shook it off, “Yeah. I just thought I saw… eh nothing.”
“What?” I pushed.
“Just thought I saw that projector light flicker, no biggie,” she responded.
A part of me wanted to ask her again, it didn’t feel like the whole answer.
“Maybe next time we could do our assignments together?” Sean asked as he touched my shoulder and slid down into his seat.
I turned back to Max but she was typing furiously in her phone.
“Is that your nice way of saying no?” Sean prodded, making me think about the first part of his question.
“Oh,” I answered, “No, that could be a good idea. You can catch me up on what you’ve learned about Waller’s grading.”
Sean seemed pleased with my comment.