Ch. 55: Progress
CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE:
Jake ~
I knew I was really pushing it now. But I couldn’t help myself. I needed to be around her a little longer and I didn’t need my babysitters with me. I was totally captivated by her. Her joy at the tree lighting, her harmonious voice that could lead a sailor to the depths of the sea. Her radiance. She was really relaxed and in her element out here and I wasn’t ready to let go. Nick could chew me out later. I didn’t care.
We walked hand in hand the whole way to the bottom of the stairs to her apartment. I was glad we were walking so slowly. It meant more time with her. She was just - everything. Everything I wanted to be part of, everything I wasn’t. Everything good in my life. All together in one wonderful package. I was such an idiot to have ever thought I could give this up - her up. I wouldn’t. I couldn’t.
We were standing at the bottom of the stairs when she turned to me with a very serious look on her face. “Can I try to tell you something?”
“Of course,” I breathed. I was hoping it was about things being over with her boyfriend even if that was a longshot.
“I’ve been having a hard time, you know?” she started.
This was going to be a lot heavier than I had guessed. I just nodded. Maybe I would finally learn what was happening and how I could help.
“There this gu-,” no other sound came after that.
I panicked and squeezed her palm. “Rach?”
She looked at me, determined, and grasped my hand tighter. “Guy,” she was finally able to say.
Some guy? I was starting to boil.
“At Pacific?” I asked, murder in my gaze.
She tried to motion something but stopped and looked at me with panic.
I grabbed her closer, fully hugging her now, and sat down on the ledge by the staircase. She buried her head in my neck and breathed deeply.
“Yes,” she barely squeaked out. My arms tensed.
“Is he hurting you?” I asked quietly. She froze and breathed some slow deep breaths, and dug her fingers into my shoulder. It was like this was painful for her.
She pulled back and looked me dead on and nodded.
“Who is he?” I asked.
“F- Ff-” she started, went silent and looked like she was screaming through her eyes. What the hell was this? Something nonhuman for sure.
She started to cry and I wiped the tears from her eyes, “Shhh, it’s okay. Deep breath. You don’t have to tell me right now. Take a second.”
She listened and her breathing slowed.
She tried to talk but nothing came out. I knew this was the work of something else for sure now. But I didn’t want to scare her.
“Rach, it’s alright. Your voice is probably strained a little from earlier. It’s okay. We’ll try again later okay?” I turned her teary eyes to me.
She nodded.
“Let’s not let this guy ruin your day, okay?” I added.
She nodded and sniffled.
“Can I see you tomorrow?” I asked her. I needed to see her tomorrow. To see her every day.
She nodded again, a little smile this time.
“I’ll help you, okay? I promise,” I looked at her very seriously.
She looked relieved. Good, she believed me, trusted me to help. I gave her a quick kiss on her head as we stood up and gave her a wave goodbye which she returned.
I watched and waited until she unlocked the door and got safely inside before I walked around the corner up the hill on the staircase and boiled over. I felt a need to destroy this F-something guy. To tear him apart piece by piece. Fire hit me and I ran back to Mitchell’s, not caring if someone saw me.
Rachel ~
I felt like I could tell him. It felt possible. And when I squeaked out my first reply and he heard it, I felt a rush of relief. Maybe this really would be the day it all got better. I had to fight against my body as I tried to tell him more. But I was only able to get so far before whatever it was that shut me up had me on lock down. It was like being pulled underwater again and I would have drowned if he weren’t there. When he kissed the top of my head again I felt some air fill my lungs and I had the fleeting thought it was like dejavu. Like I knew someone had told me to stay with him. That he would help me.
So when Jake promised he would help me, I knew more than anything else that that was true. He would.
He stayed put until I went inside and I was sad thinking about him walking all the way back to Mitchell’s in the dark. Though he didn’t seem to get cold and seemed to have much better sight than me - he had saved me from tripping twice while coming down this way. Must be a tall teen athlete thing.
I waited a few minutes, as long as I could stand, before I sent him a text to thank him for walking me home. My mom and Meg were in the living room when I came home. It looked like Meg was on her phone and our mom had fallen asleep on the couch. The TV lights flickered and I said a quick ‘night’ to my sister. She didn’t even look up. I changed for bed and brushed my teeth before settling into my sheets. Maybe I would get a little more sleep and really end this night on a good night. I was frustrated that I hadn’t been able to tell him everything, but it was already so much further than I had been able to get before.
I had a brief flicker of thought that I hadn’t talked to Sean much today. And then realized that I had told Sean I would go to the movies before Jake asked me about tomorrow - and now I was double booked. I knew clearly now who I wanted to spend tomorrow with. But I was scared too. I thought about everything for a few minutes, and when I felt my heart pick up its pace when a text from Jake came in, I knew for sure. No matter if something serious happened with him or not, it wasn’t fair to Sean to keep this going. My feelings became really clear to me, alone in the dark, reading his text over and over. I read it in his voice, and even his imaginary voice got me. I could just smell his foresty, pine scent like he was right next to me.
I fell back into my pillow with a groan. I knew what I had to do now, but it was going to suck.
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