Ch. 41: Don't Cry

CHAPTER FORTY-ONE:
The school day began just like others had. Sean arrived early and babyed me and my foot. I pretended to have forgotten my crutches on the bus and he nearly started calling the bus charter company to have them come back. I told him it was alright and I’d ask a friend to hold them for me. He grumbled for a few seconds then let it go. I was managing just fine walking here and there, and with being able to sit through classes for long periods of time, I was confident I wouldn’t overdo it. Ally, Simon, Sean and I were in the library before class and I was doing some homework ahead of time. It was nice to have this extra time to cut down on the workload I did at home. God, I really loved this school.
The bell rang and Sean accompanied us to Humanities, insisting he wasn’t coming along because of my ankle, and was just wanting to spend a little more time with me. We got to the class early, Ms. Del Rios hadn’t opened the door yet, but more classmates were gathering.
Sean pulled me into him, giving me a quick peck on the head and said, “I’ll see you at break?” I nodded and he added, “Keep careful!” while I waved him off.
“He’s a bit overprotective, huh?” Simon joked
“Just a bit,” I snorted.
I appreciated the concern, really. But it started to feel like too much sometimes.

Class went by pretty quickly, and eventually I was spending break time sitting with everyone in the courtyard. Marsha and Maxine had been loving how their spot now had become the meeting place for the rest of us. Simon, Ally, Joey, Sean, me, and of course Marsha and Maxine, were all sitting around and enjoying the sun. Kyle walked by on his way somewhere towards the offices and waved. Before we knew it the bell had rung and we all had to go our separate ways.
Sean walked me to Science and I entered the dark room. Levi had the classroom dark with a projector on and was working on something at his desk. He preferred to let us trickle in as we liked, and he even had a group of students who would eat in his room a few days out of the week. They mostly ate, hung out and played yu-gi-oh. They were basically an unofficial lunch and gaming club. More people filed in and took their seats. I noticed I didn’t see Kyle anywhere.
“ALRIGHT CLASS,” Levi began, “It’s that TIME again! We’re going to be picking NEW seats and tablemates! To review our agreements, please look at the screen!”
He had listed up there a few rules like how he would move people if they were a problem, how if he had to move you from someone else before, just don’t sit with them, and so forth.
“OKAY! UP, UP, UP!” he boomed.
Everyone stood and walked over to the raised lab benches on the side of the classroom and started talking to other people. Once groups of 4 were made they walked together to a table. I didn’t really talk to many people in this class other than Bella and my current table mates who were already divided up into new groups. And where was Kyle? Before I knew it Bella and I were standing near each other with the only other person still without a table… Vance. He leered at me. Bella looked at me reassuringly and tried to get us walking. We took the only table left, by the host of plants Levi had growing in this unofficial greenhouse. The warmth in the room must be what kept these tropical looking plants thriving. Bella sat next to me, and… Vance sat opposite of me. I could feel his stares. Kyle wasn’t here to do whatever he had been doing to keep him at bay.
“OKAY! ALL SET. Remember I will make adjustments if needed. And… Kyle, who is absent, will take the open seat over at table 8!” he announced.
At least he would be at this table eventually. But, absent? I just saw him earlier? Did he leave for the day? Fuk, I wish I could text him.
I felt every millisecond of class and could feel myself shrinking away. My shoulders sank, and my back arched down, and I slid further down into my seat. But no matter what hiding or shrinking my body unconsciously wanted to do, I couldn’t disappear. I was right in front of him and there was no place to hide. A few times when my eyes followed Levi across the room during today’s lecture, I noticed Bella clearly reading my discomfort and once she nudged me, to silently ask if I was okay. But I couldn’t react.
I felt like a deer in headlights, but one that was withering away like a raisin in the hot sun. Under his intense gaze - like a cruel kid using a magnifying glass and the sun on a meager ant. There was no way he could miss what he was doing to me, but he wouldn’t stop. And I couldn’t focus long enough to even hear what Levi was saying, let alone to see if anyone else in the room could see what was happening. I continued to swallow over, and over, trying to get back from under this weight but it wouldn’t budge. It was like I lost every spark of fight and fire I had ever had, and no matter how long I searched for them, they couldn’t be found.
Somehow the bell rang and I told my body to move. I saw Bella start to pack up and I rushed as much as I could to follow her. She stayed by me and tried to stand between us, as Vance continued to wander around the room edging closer to me. At least I had that. Outside she pulled me aside and held onto my shoulder with her hand.
“Rachel, what’s going on? Are you okay?” she implored, searching my eyes for something.
I breathed and breathed to steady myself and started to feel lighter just being out of there.
I glanced down then back up at Bella who was still holding onto me, “I’m okay,” I breathed, “I’m okay. Thank you for hanging around.”
She squeezed my shoulder, “Of course,” she paused, “Now can I walk you somewhere, or call someone for you?”
I looked into her big, dark, kind eyes and shook my head. I just needed a minute to myself. “I’ll be alright, thank you.” I tried to smile.
She doubted for a second but conceded, “Okay. But, do know I’m here for you okay? Vance was being a total creep. Let me know however I can help.” Then she waved and walked off.
I sat for a few minutes on a planter and regained my composure before starting to walk through a hallway towards the courtyard to find my friends. I took another steading breath and started walking. As I turned a corner, every positive thing I started to think came to a crashing halt. He was there in front of me, and there wasn’t anyone else around.
“Rachel,” he oozed. “Finally we can talk.”
My feet started to turn away but he was much faster. I was cornered. My eyes flicked around and there was no one in sight. I was stupid! Why hadn’t I just walked with Bella!?
His face came closer and the hairs on my arm stood straight up at the feel of his breath on my face. Say something, da*nit!
I opened my mouth and it shut. I opened it again and it shut. What was happening? I started to panic. My heart was racing and my body tried to shrink again. But I was still mute, I couldn’t call for help or cuss him out, and my body seemed frozen. No, not frozen, like it was moving through thick mud, slow and clunky. I started to raise my hand and I prayed for it to move quickly enough to push him. But he saw it coming and avoiding my slow-motion smack. What was happening?
“Stop fighting it, Rachel,” he hissed.
I felt my eyes start to water. Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry - I repeated to myself like a mantra. My body was in full-on panic mode and everything was so out of control.
“You know you feel something between us,” he went on, getting closer, putting his arms against the wall around me like a cage. “You need to stop running from it. I know you feel it too.”
His hand rose to my cheek and I bit the inside trying not to cry. The least I could do here was not cry. If I could control nothing else, let it be this, please God. His hand made contact with my cheek. His hand was crazy warm, and moist, and just repulsive. I started to jerk my head away but his hand stayed with me and I opened my mouth to scream again, but my voice still failed me. I couldn't escape his eyes that held two black holes, sucking in everything alive into them, devouring senselessly - my voice, my will, my choices. What would be next? He moved in closer and I noticed I was shaking uncontrollably, terrified he was going to force a kiss on me - or worse?
“There, see? You’re shaking. I knew you felt it,” he croaked. “Stop fighting it, Rachel. I’ve been waiting for you. Watching, being patient. Listening. Holding on while you run around with that boyfriend of yours, and that fking redheaded twt, Kyle,” he was inches from my mouth, “and good things come to those who wait.”
“Shauna?!” someone called from somewhere nearby.
It startled him and he lost his focus. I fell out of whatever creepy trance I was in and everything sped up in time. I took both of my hands and shoved him back as hard as I could. He was surprised and lost his balance, leaving me with space to run. And I booked it.
“You tell anyone and I’ll hurt them!” he yelled violently after me.
Past the person looking for Shauna, whoever they both were, and past the remaining doors until I hit the courtyard. I spotted everyone and jogged towards them as Sean looked up.
“Rach?” his eyes bugged out, “Oh my God, Rachel? What happened?”
His arms opened up and I ran into them. Releasing some tears I had been holding in.**