Ch. 44: Waking Nightmare
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR:
Nightmare. Another. I knew it somewhere in my mind while it was happening - that it wasn’t real. But it didn’t help. All around me were warm, moist hands touching me all over, pulling at me as I tried to run. But it was pitch black and everywhere I ran to there were more arms. I was screaming but nothing would come out of my throat. There was no relief. I continued to run, desperate for anything, anything other than darkness and arms, and warm clammy flesh. I stumbled. Face first, and more hands reached out grabbing me. I pushed off from something and tried to stand but could only flip myself over.
On my back, I tried swatting and kicking arms away. I hit one and it let go, but another hand grabbed my ankle and before I knew it I was trapped. Totally trapped in this darkness, covered arms and hands. And as more and more clamored on top of me I saw a pair of eyes in the distance, silver. And as the arms covered my vision, I thought about how sad I was that I had finally seen something else yet - it was too late
I was exhausted when I got on the bus. I had been trapped in an endless loop of nightmares and exhaustion all night and had given up when I saw the first rays of sunlight. I wasted time on social media for a while, then got a little reading done, all before our usual wake-up time. My head pounded from lack of rest and I popped some pain medicine to help. Jake sat with me, our morning starting just like the day before, except for how hallowed out I felt between what happened yesterday and the terrible night’s sleep I had had.
I rested my head on the window as we pulled away and felt my eyes close. I reopened them when I felt tingles in my hand and arm. I fluttered my eyes open to see Jake looking over at me, squeezing my hand a little. For a moment I forgot where I was.
“Hey sleepyhead, we’re pulling up to Pacific,” he smiled kindly and let go.
The loss of contact and his words hit me at once and I sat up, shaking my sleep away. Glancing out the windows I saw he was right, we were in the parking lot, the bus circling the lot. I rolled my shoulders.
“Thanks,” I said hoarsely, like it had been the first word I spoke all morning.
He raised his eyebrows at me, asking me silently if I was alright. I quickly nodded.
“I’ll text you later?” I mentioned, and that seemed to ease his body language.
He nodded, and the bus came to a full stop. He stood up to let me out and I made my way down the steps.
I was dreading facing Vance again today. I still hadn’t been able to say anything to anyone. But as Ally and I sat in the library, I tried again anyway.
“Ally, I’ve been trying to tell someone, anyone about yesterday. But I just - can’t seem to make myself say the words,” my words rushing out a million miles in a second.
“It’s okay, Rach,” she reassured me, “Do you want to try again now?”
I nodded and swallowed. “Okay so yesterday I was in -” and my mouth froze. I tried to keep going, but no sound came out. I blinked back tears of frustration.
“It’s okay,” Ally said, placing her hand on mind, squeezing it. “You don’t have to rush it. You’ll say it when you can say it. You don’t have to push yourself.”
I almost groaned.
That’s not what was happening here at all! She looked so sincere, thinking I was just choked up or in shock. And maybe I was a little bit. But that couldn’t be all! My words were trapped inside my mind and I couldn’t get them out. I blinked away new tears. How much longer would this last? Forever? Would I ever be able to talk about this?
Film went by in a blink and before I knew it Sean was walking me to Humanities. Ally and I still hadn’t heard from Kyle, so I wasn’t expecting him to show up now, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t disappointed. I felt like the walk here was death row for me. I could feel the storm in the air coming my way.
Sean noted my body language and asked what was wrong, but it seemed like I couldn’t tell him about Vance at all. Not even now.
“I can’t-” I shook. He held onto my hand and guided me to the side of the hall, a few steps away from the door of my classroom.
“Does it have something to do with this class?” he asked. I nodded.
“Is it someone in this class?” he asked, I tried to nod again but found my head shaking in a ‘no.’ What was this?! Now I really wasn’t in control of my own body. My eyes watered.
“Okay…” he thought, rubbing the back of his head.
Ms. Del Rios opened the door and people started going inside, including Vance who leered at me openly while heading inside. My insides squirmed.
Sean took hold of me, hugged me, then kissed the top of my head.
“I don’t know what it is if you can’t tell me,” he breathed out in frustration. “But we’ll keep working on it, okay? Right now I’ve got to get to class.” He kissed me quickly on the lips and turned away to rush back down the hall.
I was now alone in the hall. I made my legs move forward, like I even really had a choice in this either, and walked into the classroom. I kept my eyes on the back area by my seat. Thankfully Ms. Del Rios wasn’t changing seats today so at least we had some mandated distance between us.
Class dragged on. It was hard to focus when you felt like you were suffocating slowly in thick, crawling molasses. Everything took more energy than it should. Like trying to run underwater - pressure pushing against every move you try to make.
A hand waved in front of my face, “Rachel?”
My eyes focused on Lucy.
“Class is over girl, get a move on,” she laughed and walked ahead with Elizabeth.
I then noticed I was the last person in the room. Ms. Del Rios was in the doorway talking to someone. I packed up and made my way out as she waved goodbye to whoever she was speaking with.
“There you are,” Vance said, words full of venom, “I’ve been waiting for you.” He leaned in, “Now where were we?”
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