Ch. 39: Full Moon Confessions

CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE:
Friday night was consumed with nightmares and at 4am I decided to give up trying to sleep. I leaned over to my nightstand and pulled out a book and a reading light. Might as well take this time to get something useful done rather than scroll away on Instagram again. It had been a bit but I was finally reading to finish the last book in this fantasy romance series I loved. I hadn’t wanted the story to end so I had put off reading the last book. I loved the romance between the two main characters, a bad-guy fae who turned out to be the good guy all along, and a human girl who finds herself thrown into a world of magic. I just loved their relationship, and the whole concept of soulmates. It was just so comforting and I found myself wishing for my own dark prince charming to conquer the world with and battle evil. But this was just a story.
The sun had just started to rise when my phone buzzed. I couldn’t look away from my book for a minute, so caught up in the story, and I made myself promise to look at the text once I finished this chapter. I looked at my phone and sucked in my breath. It was Jake. At 4:40am.
<< From Jake to Rachel >>: Hey Rach. So sorry I’ve been MIA. I heard about your fall. Are you okay? Sorry, I hope I’m not waking you.
My heart pounded. He wasn’t ghosting me? He was worried about me? At 4:40am? Was he in a different time zone? I thought about not answering right away but started typing before I could register what I was saying.
<< From Rachel to Jake >>: Hey, stranger. Yeah, I’m okay. No worries, I'm up.
<< From Jake to Rachel >>: Good. This early? Are you training for a marathon already?
I grinned and lit up inside. His humor shone through and I could picture his face as if he was saying this right in front of me.
<< From Rachel to Jake >>: Couldn’t sleep. And what about you, huh? Football practice now before the crack of dawn?
<< From Jake to Rachel >>: Me neither. Are you okay? Why the hard time sleeping? And no, I took the week to stay at home. Family stuff.
I wrinkled my brow as I read the last part. Family stuff? With all three of their families? I mean I knew they were all close. It didn’t seem like the right time to dig through, I didn’t want this to stop.
<< From Rachel to Jake >>: Yeah, I’ve just been having weird dreams. Probably having too much sugar before bedtime or something. Hope everything’s okay with you
<< From Jake to Rachel >>: Going through that Halloween candy stash huh? Don’t try to deny it. Yeah, thanks. It’ll be alright. Should be back to school Monday.
I tried to swallow a laugh, mindful that Meg was still asleep in the bed next to mine. Monday, I would see him Monday. That thought made me so happy, more than I would’ve thought. It was such a relief.
<< Rachel to Jake >>: I guess my secret’s out.
Almost immediately after I sent that he replied.
<< Jake to Rachel >>: Can I call you?
I looked around, it was early and I would definitely wake Meg up if I were to talk here. I would need to sneak into the living room and sit way in the opposite corner from the kitchen, near my mom’s room.
<< From Rachel to Jake >>: One sec
I got up as quietly as I could and walked out our door, looking around to see anything amiss. Seeing nothing I crept forward more, past the dining room and into the living room. I eased down into the seat closest to the window, phone in hand and everything in me buzzed with anticipation.
<< From Rachel to Jake >>: Okay
After a few seconds my phone vibrated, he was calling. I answered right away.
“Hey,” I greeted in a whisper.
He breathed in, “It’s good to hear your voice.”
We stayed like that past a moment, past a little awkward, and straight to… something else. There was anticipation or anxiety, or something like it in between us. I couldn’t see his face, but somehow I knew what he would look like at this moment. I thought for a moment about what this could mean, me sneaking over here to talk to him on the phone at this time of night. What it could mean that he was calling me at this time of night. My heart pounded.
“So,” I started after a few seconds, “are you okay? I- I was sort of worried about you - about you guys.”
God, what was it about late night conversations that made you say more than you meant to? That gave your inner voices the power to override your better senses?
“I’m fine Rach, we’re fine. Really. How’s your foot - really?”
“Good,” I responded to the first part. I stopped for a beat before I remembered he asked about me. “It’s okay, it’s just a sprain on my ankle. I’m moving around on crutches mostly but I've started to walk a little on it now. Just can’t overdo it.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help you when it happened,” he said in a rush. I could almost imagine his very serious face.
“It’s okay. I wasn’t alone, Angela and them helped. The bus driver was super helpful and kind which was nice,” I assured him.
“Hmm,” was all I got in reply. He breathed out.
Something in me really missed him, more than before. It nearly hurt. I sat in the dark there looking out at the moon trying to get help in focusing.

Jake ~
She had been worried about me. That made me really happy for some reason. She had tried to cover up the confession by saying she had been worried about all of us, but I heard it. I felt like a failure for not being there Monday, I could’ve helped her. When she voiced her worry for me, it helped soothe the burning that had continued to build after getting the story of her injury out of Mitchell.
He had needed to explain it at lightspeed with Evan holding me back and Nick standing between us. I was putting up a good fight even though I hadn’t wanted a fight. Evan was large and strong even before his first shift, but now? How I was almost neck-in-neck with his strength? I don’t know why I had such an extreme reaction to a small injury. You could have told me the same thing happened to someone else I cared about, but I had lit up with rage when Mitchell had mentioned Rachel being hurt.
After I had pulled myself together Nick had pulled me aside and while he tried to distract me, he knew that this was just one more tally in the she’s-got-to-be-his-mate hypothesis. My mind was consumed by this. Even after the talk, during my apology to Mitchell, and throughout the movie that we were still determined to watch. I just kept thinking about her and before the movie ended I had made a plan to sneak out after pretending to go to bed, and I was going to message her, da*nit. I didn’t care what Nick said. Even if he was right, there would be no sleep tonight if I didn’t at least send her a text. The moon goddess was giving her to me, I just knew it. And despite the wishes and desires of this pack, despite my parents, despite my destined role as future Alpha, I didn’t care what anyone else thought. I would praise the goddess and be the most devout believer in the world if I were to be so lucky.
“I miss you,” I confessed, blurting it out. I would wear my heart on my sleeve for her. World be da*ned. “And I’m sorry.”
I heard her suck in a little breath on the other side and I had the impulse to get in a car and drive straight to her.
“I miss you too,” she said in a small voice. And I knew I hadn’t lost her. Not really. Despite that guy she was seeing. I was affecting her, I knew it. If only we were just a little older. If I had turned already. There’s no way I wouldn’t feel the bond with her. That would just be too cruel. “Sorry about what?” she asked me after a pause.
“I’m sorry for not saying anything at the graduation dance. I’m so sorry, Rach. I had thought stupidly that I was doing the right thing, letting it go - letting you go. But that’s no excuse. I think about that moment all the time. Everything I wish I had said instead. I’m sorry I hurt you. You have no idea how important you are to me,” I let it all out there in confession. Something about this full moon and standing here among the trees boarding my home, gave me strength. I would bow at her feet if she asked. “You don’t need to respond, I’m not trying to put you on the spot. I just needed you to know.”
I sank to the ground, back against a tree. I felt deflated letting all that go. I had been holding onto it for years. I hadn’t told her yet that I had feelings for her. She didn’t need to hear that right now, I knew she was with what’s his face, but I would tell her soon, next time. I didn’t want to overwhelm her or make her feel like she had to choose all of a sudden. No, she needed time, and she needed an apology. I hated myself for letting that happen the way I did. I really thought it was for the best, but it was far from it.
I stayed completely silent, anticipating any response from her. Anything at all. I could hear a small breath and a slight sound like she was going to speak. But no words followed. She didn’t respond at all and after a minute I felt like I should add something.
“Do you see the moon tonight? It’s full. Lighting everything up around my house. Just beautiful,” I wondered aloud.
“Yeah, I do,” she replied.
I held onto every word she would give me and just thanked the heavens above she hadn’t hung up on me.