Nate Part 2

" No. It's a surprise. I'll sing for you from the stage.
" Okay, then. I can't wait, my beautiful redhead. Now, can we finally talk? — I ask, gently kissing those soft lips, fighting with my hands so as not to end up squeezing her delicious breasts or the round ass that I love as soon as she comes, like a naughty kitten, crawling to mount me.
Isa is not wearing panties. She said she loves to stay in her nightgown at home and with nothing underneath, but I think she's just trying to tease me. If she bends down, I already have a perfect view of her white pussy.
" Yes. I was so excited about this news, that I forgot that we have a "dark" chat ahead of us — she says, stretching herself on top of me and pulling a jar of grape candies from the bedside table.
" Are you rubbing your breast in my face on purpose, huh? — I ask, slapping her ass. — Stop being naughty!
" I was just getting my candies. — He blinks, feigning innocence.
" I don't want to keep secrets anymore, and I think that when I tell you about this, I'll end up demolishing the walls that prevent me from telling my doctor or Bia about it.
Isabela's brown eyes widen as she slowly chews the candy in her mouth. I think she now understands that this is really a more loaded conversation.
" I'm listening, kitty.
" As I told you, I've never told anyone about this, but it's something I remember very well. The day everything happened and the Golden Kinder caught fire, my uncle was doing one of his rounds of torture. I couldn't stand going through all that anymore, and sometimes my mind would wander when I was being abused. So, I only remember coming out of the limbo that distanced me from the moment of pain when I heard him say: "that's exactly how I fucked your mother. Your shitty daddy was sleeping with the secretary, and Suzana, pregnant with you and your sister, was alone in her room. I always wanted to know what it felt like to fuck a pregnant woman. So I slid inside her, ignoring her stupid cries or her screams for help. I fucked her so hard, she went into labor. It was awesome! And your mother was so crazy, that even if she told my brother, no one would believe her.” — I try to hold back the fucking tears that come when I remember the pain of hearing that shit. It hurt more than the sexual abuse I was suffering at that moment. — That was the trigger, Isa. I understood everything. That’s why my mother says my uncle put a demon inside me. He raped her, and her mind completely turned away from the world. Suzana hasn’t recovered from this trauma, she always talks about it in her own language, that she’s afraid of fire because she remembers him, that she’s afraid of facing his memories alone. And I despair that I can’t tell Bia about this, or get my mother to agree to treatment. I told her I set him on fire to avenge her, and it was the first time she looked into my eyes as if she saw me, then she hugged me. My mother understood that I knew what the bastard did to her.
" So... Does that mean that... — Isabela's eyes are wide open, full of pain, fear and unshed tears. I know she has come to the conclusion that yes. — My God, Nate. He abused you! — she whimpers, grabbing my neck and sniffling. — You put up with so much, my love. I had no idea he had raped you or your mother. I'm so sorry, Nate...
" That's over, Isabela. I try not to live trapped in the hatred I feel for the things I experienced. — I sniff, wiping my nose with the back of my hand. — Do you remember how I pushed you away when you made fun of my ass? It has to do with my trauma. I hadn't given you permission.
" I'm sorry! I had no idea. You are very strong, you know? I thought no one would understand what I went through with my stepfather, but I will never understand the level of what you went through. We both suffered. However, what happened to you was infinitely more degrading. I am so sorry, my love. I... — She is shaking, squeezing me in a hug that almost suffocates, but gives me security. — I wish I knew what to do now. I am always on the other side, telling horrible things that happened, and I see people not knowing how to act. Now, I am the one running in circles, with no idea how to bring you any comfort.
I am a man, but sometimes I feel like a boy who has nothing, who is empty, alone, stuck in the middle of the desert, watching the mirage of an oasis that never arrives.
" My Sun, stay calm! I am no longer in the past, I am safe now — I say more to remind myself than to her. — And do you know how you bring me comfort? By listening to me, understanding me and filling the gap that exists within me. When I'm with you, I feel like I don't need anything else. You're already everything. — I kiss her face, seeking the comfort that only she can bring.
" You're safe, my love, and I don't want anything else either. Only you!
I hold this woman in my arms, feeling her warmth, which is the only thing that can stop me from shaking right now.
I feel free! Fuck! I can count on you i! I told someone what I went through. I told her, I exposed the secret that was suffocating me to my girl. And she's not stopping loving me because of it. I always thought they would look at me with disgust, judge me and find some way to say that I deserved what my uncle did to me.
My own mind sometimes whipped me. It created narratives that justified Abel's absurd acts. You know when they say that naughty children deserve punishment? I fought so that that wouldn't become a truth in my mind. But my subconscious sometimes made me feel rotten, deserving of all the dirt that came from that damn guy.
But he burned me. It's over! I'm free, and I'll never let my mind cage me again. I'll never blame myself for something that was done to me. I've been a son of a bitch at various times in my life, but I never deserved to be molested. So, there's no reason to hide it anymore. I'm going to tell Bianca what happened, and also about our mother, and together we'll find a way to help her deal with her head and this horrible trauma she carries, and that I've always been afraid of telling Bia and she'll end up suffering too much. My sister and I are the only hope of saving Suzana. We need to act soon.
And there's a part of me that wants to tell Vinicius to his face that he handed his son over to a serial rapist who abused his wife! And maybe I will. Maybe I'll spit that shit in his face at some point, because, just like I'm going to make Isabela understand that her shitty stepfather deserves to pay for everything he did to her, my father needs to take responsibility for the things he caused me.
Who sends a boy who's just been diagnosed with a disorder to the place that made him freak out? What the hell kind of father throws his son into the hands of a man his own wife was terrified of? Oh, screw you! He is, indeed, one of the biggest people responsible for everything I've suffered!