Isabela Part 3

"You're doing strange things to my body," I murmur between his lips.
"That's normal, Isa. We call these things desire!" After saying this, making me turn as red as a tomato from embarrassment, he silences me again with his tongue. God! This feels so good. I think I could survive on his kisses forever! "I'm in heaven because you're trusting me, my little sun!"
"I don't want to share you, did you hear me?" I say, holding his chin between my fingers. And wow, I'm crazy! I don't even recognize myself in the possessive tone I've just used or in the boldness with which I touch him. "Never."
"Good, because I've been yours since the day we walked out of school holding hands for the first time. Right then, you became mine for real, and only mine, you understand?"
Nate pulls me closer, competing to show who owns the other more. He leaves desperate kisses on my neck, light bites, licks that can make every tiny pore on my body tingle. And this creates an agonizing pulse right in my core, in the middle of my... But when his hand slides down and grips my butt in an absurdly strong way, almost breaking the skin, pulling a sound from me that’s more like a moan, I realize it's time to stop this, or I'm going to lose something beyond my innocence tonight.
"Okay, can we pause for a bit?" I manage to muster the courage to make this request, holding his hands, my chest rising and falling in a crazy way, my breath completely ragged. "We've given each other enough today."
I always thought kissing a guy was something cute. You know when you watch a teen romance movie and think about how beautiful it must be to kiss and be in love? I realized it was so much more than anything I imagined. It's hot, like swimming in boiling water. I thought it would be light, sweet like eating cotton candy. And look how naïve I was... My first kiss was dense, heavy. My body is still filled with this insane energy that screams, which seems to have addicted me so much that I want more kisses. It’s exhilarating and suffocating, but in a good way.
"Yeah, or I'm going to end up wanting more from you, my Little Sun," he says, emphasizing "my," leaving some chaste kisses on my lips, making me giggle. "So we're clear, right?"
"What do you mean?"
"That I'm yours, and you're mine!" he growls, holding me by the neck, forcing me to look at him. And the possessive way he holds me sets my body on fire. I adore this boy! "Forever!"
"Only yours! Forever!"
I slowly return to my place beside him, kneeling on the sofa, but scream in surprise at the sting and the crack. Nate just gave my butt a big smack. I don't know whether to blush from surprise, embarrassment, or desire. When I finally feel safe sitting on the couch, I look at the wide, triumphant smile on his swollen, red lips:
"Sorry, Isa! It was stronger than me."
"You know what's going to be stronger than me? A punch in your face if you keep smacking my butt!" I retort, making Nate look shocked, my voice echoing in the room.
His laughter makes me let out a few giggles in response, finally realizing what came out of my mouth. I've never talked like this with anyone. I feel so good with him that I even make jokes. How can I not fall in love? Impossible, he not only gained my trust, he won me over completely!
"You look beautiful in 'Gremlin mode'!" he compliments, lying back on the sofa and resting his head in my lap. I smile as I stroke his soft hair, feeling the strands float in my hands. It's amazing how he always smells good. And now that I’ve been in his lap, I even noticed that his forehead smells good. "Do you know what a Gremlin is?"
"That little creature from the movie that’s super cute but turns into a monster when it gets wet?"
"That's it, you look like a wet Gremlin when you're angry."
"Thanks, darling. You're so romantic!" I tease, rolling my eyes.
After some laughter, we share moments of silence. Each lost in our own thoughts, inert in our inner worlds.
"I have Borderline Personality Disorder, Isa." Now his voice seems a mix of sadness and alertness. "I'm sorry for cutting the mood like this. But I can't start something with you without explaining how this affects my life."
Did he forget he already told me this? Why is he bringing this up again with so much sorrow?
"I’ve researched it online since the first time you told me."
"I know I said I'm borderline, but not with the depth I need you to understand this," he explains, closing his eyes and swallowing hard. I don't know why his tone makes something tighten in my chest. "You've become a special and important part of my life. I don't want to lose what we have..."
"I just said I'm yours, and I won't stop being yours just because you have BPD. I have a horrible phobia, and even so, you like me." I shrug, but I see the suffering on his face, how consumed he is by the fear that I won't want him because he's borderline. It’s how I feel about having my own internal demons connected to my traumas. "I will understand your crises, Nate. I like you a lot, and I've seen your 'problematic' side, the one that tags things, smokes weed, and beats up guys to protect me. And none of that made me stop liking you."
"You’re perfect, Isabela, but will you really be able to handle someone so messed up?"
"I'm not perfect, darling! God took the same chaotic and messed-up material and made both of us, so I have my problems too. And you, besides accepting them, have overcome them. Do you realize that you were able to completely silence my phobia? I didn’t have any triggers with your touches," I argue, leaning down and kissing his mouth gently and quickly, feeling the moisture still on his delicious lips.
"I can break things, punch stuff, climb buildings, and vandalize everything with paint. I usually scream and curse when I'm having an episode. When you witness me terrified of being left and doing those things, will you still want me?"
"I won't want you... because I already do. I want everything about you, all your messed-up parts, your rage, your love, your kisses: everything that comes from you. What I feel is so strong that I'm terrified you'll stop liking me. That one day you'll wake up and see the strange girl that nobody wants around." And as this confession slips out of me, Nate opens his eyes and gets lost in the sadness I'm showing.
"If anyone in the world thinks you're strange, that person is certainly blind, crazy, completely wrong. You are the most perfect girl I've ever seen. And you know what’s even more amazing? You accepted to be mine!"