Isabela Part 4

I didn't notice the class passing, and even during recess, Nate and I were more silent, sharing our snack but lost in thought. Finally, we’re in the locker room. I’m not even going to take a shower today, but I think we’ve grown fond of the routine of talking in here. Usually, while I’m in the shower, he smokes and chats with me about various things, then he likes to corner me with a towel and rub against me. I love these moments; they are always light.
Now, Nate is wandering around the place, smoking non-stop. Every moment, he sticks his free hand in the front pocket of his sweatshirt. He really seems nervous. There’s no lightness now; on the contrary, it feels like a dark cloud is hovering over our heads.
Only now do I realize that Bianca wasn’t in class. Every day, that annoying girl sits in front of us, turns around to make jokes, annoys me, steals my pens, or interrupts my conversations with her brother. She never, ever misses class. I think even if the world were being destroyed in a zombie apocalypse, she wouldn’t skip. Something must have happened to her. Maybe she’s sick...
And why is Nate so anxious? Is it something with his sister, or is it about the report he made?
“Why didn’t your sister come today?”
When my eyes focus on him, tracing every inch of his face, I see some tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. I start to hyperventilate. There’s a feeling, something telling me that the world is about to collapse over my head.
“I’m so sorry, love!” His voice is a trembling lament. A tear escapes his eyes, landing on his lips and entering his mouth as he opens it. “She’s already packing her things. I wasn’t supposed to be here, but…”
“Is it about the report you made? Is that why you’re so nervous?” It doesn’t seem like that. He’s too shaken. Something looms in my mind, a perception I want to deny. I need to be wrong. “What’s your sister packing?”
Nate closes the distance between us, holding my shoulders. He exhales. His forehead rests against mine. My heart is aching, and there’s a weight in my mind telling me that something is off, about to make me suffer.
“Something big happened yesterday,” he says, swallowing hard. He’s so scared. “And it doesn’t have to do with the report I made against your parents. It’s obvious that I wouldn’t sit idly by knowing they hit you…”
“Just say it already, Nate!” I snap, starting to shake. “If it’s not about the stupid report you made, what is it?”
He inhales sharply, then releases a layer of smoke through his nose. He shakes his head in denial, lips pressed together. I feel like I need to breathe, to pull the air in hard because whatever is about to come out of that mouth is going to drown me. He’s about to break my heart in some powerful way, or he wouldn’t be so scared. Not even when he talked about setting fire to the boarding school did he look this frightened.
“My parents are leaving Rio. I messed up, and we’re moving, spending an indefinite amount of time at our place in the South,” he says all at once, each word sounding like nails hammering into my chest, piercing my flesh. “I tried to protest, but there’s no way. They won’t let me stay. My dad’s threat is: either I go with him, or Bianca will go study abroad. Vinicius hit on my biggest fear, My Sun. He put my sister in the middle of the blackmail.”
Nate tries to come closer, to hug me, but I step aside. I’m still trying to digest the information. My fear was right. He’s leaving. He’s going to abandon me. I can’t hold back the heavy tear that falls or all its followers that decide to wet my cheeks.
I lived a fairy tale. Now, it feels like nightmare time has arrived.
How am I supposed to go on with my life if everything good I have is summed up in him?
How do I disconnect from all these feelings?
“So you’re leaving me? Is that it? You’re going?” I push against his chest. Now I’m crying, angry, feeling a thorny chasm opening below me. And when I fall, they stab my skin more and more. My perfect scenery, the incredible days I spent with him, begin to blur, and all I understand is that I’ll go back to living in torment. “Why didn’t you tell me anything?”
“What can I do, Isabela? I’m sixteen. I can’t stay, don’t you get it?” He tries to hold me because I’m mad, pushing him away.
“How long did you know you had to leave?”
His eyes falter; it doesn’t even take words to make it clear that he already knew. That he chose not to tell.
“My dad had been saying that after finishing the school year, we’d go back. But it was never certain, okay? That’s why I didn’t worry. Shit went down last night during a graffiti roll with my crew. After you told me about what you go through at home, I got really pissed and needed to let it out. My dad is taking us away tomorrow.” He forces me to accept his hug, pulling me hard against him, leaving no room for resistance. I feel so angry at him now. Anger, sadness, pain. It’s such a strong pain that it feels like it’s penetrating my bones. I don’t want to be without him, damn it! “We don’t need to break up. You’re mine, and I always want to be yours. I’ll come see you once a month, I promise.”
“Will your dad bring you?” I ask, surrendering to sobs, my hands pressed against his belly, pulling the pocket of his sweatshirt against me. I lean on his shoulder to keep from falling to the floor from crying so much. Why am I angry at him? Nate isn’t to blame. But damn, I don’t want to lose him. “You’re going to give up on me…”
“I won’t. I’ll still be yours, I promise.” He kisses my tears, my nose, my mouth. “And my dad will have to come back to handle things for the company here; he’ll have to bring me if he wants me to behave. I promise I won’t leave you.” Nate holds me so tightly that I almost believe it, that he won’t forget me.
“And if you meet another girl? What if you find some little moon, star, or sun out there?” Now I sound like a stupid insecure person, but I don’t care.
My heart feels pierced, to the point of throwing all the blood from my body out, so much that it hurts.
“There's no room for anyone, Isabela. No girl will ever have what you have. Besides being beautiful, talented, and having this difficult temper I love, you’re also the only one who seems to understand what I am. The girl who was forged from the same material as me. I love you, damn it!” He kisses my mouth, pushing me against the wall, looking famished, desperate. Suffering just as much as I am. “Do you understand? I don’t want anyone! When I turn eighteen, I’ll come back to be with you for good.”
“Is your dad not going to want to bring you every month?”
His hands cradle the sides of my head while I drown in the scary possibilities weighing on me. The insane fear of losing him forever is consuming me, screaming in my head that he’ll tire of me. I’m used to seeing this boy five days a week, kissing him so much that I end up losing my breath. I’ve become addicted to everything that comes from him, his smell, his perfect touch. He’s the only person my broken body chose, the only one I could trust.
Why?
Why do things have to be so messed up in my life?
I feel powerless, as always. Facing a farewell from the only person I truly want to be with. I thought we’d be together forever. Now Nate is moving to another state, so far away.
I’m devastated. I thought it was just dying that someone took something from us. But I’m sure that if I lose Nate, a giant hole will form in my soul.
I love this delinquent more than anything.
“So, I’ll take a bus and come secretly until Vinicius understands that bringing me with him will be the best medicine,” he growls, pressing his body against mine, making my back almost penetrate the wall. “There has to be something in your body, in you, that I tasted and made me addicted. Don’t you get it, Isabela? I love you like hell! You’re the girl of my life, do you understand? I told you the worst thing I ever did, and you didn’t judge me. You still want me, you’re aware of that?”
“I don’t want to lose you,” I whimper, accepting his tongue sliding into mine, pulling my body tightly against him. The kiss tastes salty from our tears. I pull away, even though I’d want to stay here and never, ever leave. “This feels like a farewell, Nate. I’m terrified that you’ll forget this, that the distance will push you away from these feelings.”
“That’s not going to happen. You’re mine, and don’t think you’ll stop being mine because I’ll be far away, okay?”
He starts to get more possessive, running his hands over me and squeezing, but even this more daring touch suggests suffering. It hurts him, and his words