Nate Part 3
" You're squeezing me, love... — Isabela whispers, letting out a soft moan of pain.
" I'm sorry, forgive me... I... — I say, slowly letting her go. — I ended up getting lost in the anger I feel towards my father and running away from reality.
" You have an open wound, Nate. It's not healed, and every time you touch it to talk about what you went through, it's like tearing off the scabs that were starting to close it. That's why it hurts and you move away from reality and relive the emotions, as if they were still there. This happens to me. A lot. For this reason, I recognize that I need healing. We both need patches for these wounds that our own family left.
" I want to tell Bia, My Sun. I need to tell her what our mother went through and traumatized her.
" Wasn't your mother like that before the abuse?
" I don't know, I was born when she had already been abused. — I give a sad smile. — My father used to say she was bright, but she was always “innocent”. Today, you look at her and she looks like a shadow wandering the world, lifeless.
" She was violated in an absurd way. Poor thing! I can’t even measure the amount of pain and despair she experienced. — Isabela wipes away a tear, then brings her hands to my face and kisses me lightly. — Tell your sister the same way you did to me. Then, make a plan together to take care of your mother. And your father? Isn’t he interested in taking care of his wife?
" He puts up with her, he doesn’t love her. He’s been having an affair with his secretary for over twenty years. I don’t even know why he’s still married — I growl, reliving my contempt for that man. " Suzana can only count on me and
Bia.
" I just don’t understand one thing. You and Bianca are very close, so why did you never confide in her about what your uncle really did to you?
" Afraid that she would be disgusted by me. I felt filthy, Isabela. Like I wasn't a man. — I can't hold back my tears. I don't want to feel sorry for myself, damn it, but it sucks! It's hard not to feed this shitty feeling of being dirty, tainted. — I was afraid...
" No one would think that of you. I'm sure they would know you were a child who was molested, when you should have had your innocence protected. — Her voice is so sweet, welcoming and gentle.
I lay my head on her breasts, trying not to succumb to sobs, but being swallowed by them.
" I was afraid you wouldn't want me when I told you, that you would see me as an unworthy man... Something like that.
" Nothing to do with it. You're the only man my body chose, my heart too. The only worthy one, you idiot! — My face is pulled up affectionately, and Isabela fixes her eyes on mine. — You're the strongest man in the world! No one goes through so many shocks and comes out of it in one piece, so it's understandable that you've acquired some kind of disorder. The mind breaks down when bombarded by too much stress, it develops mechanisms to survive trauma. Some people create multiple personalities to defend themselves from pain. Your mother distanced herself from reality to stay alive after what your uncle did to her, and you also created your own defenses. This fear of rejection is very understandable. But you are worthy of my love, yes! And I hope I am worthy of yours!
" Why are you so perfect? I told you I set the bastard on fire, and you kept loving me. I told you I was abused, and you understood me. I left you, and you forgave me. Why do you still want me, Isabela?
" Because I'm not perfect. I'm all broken, and you wanted my pieces, you made me feel whole. Nate, you gave me love when all I knew at that moment was rejection and pain. I felt strange, abnormal, dirty, and you came along and fell in love with me, you made me feel beautiful. What went wrong between us doesn't even matter anymore. We just need to accept the mistakes we made and learn from them, moving forward in the best way possible. And do you know what matters most here? It's that we both understand where we went wrong and we want to do things differently, we want to be the best for each other. That's why I want you! And you're mine, damn it! Stop asking me why I want you! You're mine already, that's it!
I smile at her little face, red with anger, looking really crazy and possessive when she says I'm hers. Our future psychologists will have a lot of work ahead of them to make us understand the opposite, that we don't belong to each other.
"I still wanted to talk about finding a way to make your stepfather be held accountable for what he did to you. Today, we have the Internet on our side, Isabela. So, I thought of something, but I don't want to make you anxious about it before the festival. First, I want you to put on the show of your life, and then we can talk about it, okay?" I intend to count on the help of the students here to do something big, and thus make it impossible for Isabela's wretched stepfather and her negligent mother to escape punishment from the law. From true justice, the kind that is not corrupted by dirty men like Marcos. After all, there are still honest people in the world. And women, judges, who will certainly want to help Isabela.
She nods, her eyes wide with fear and fixed on me. Whenever the subject is exposing the scoundrel, she gets scared. Even though she is a woman now, the bastard still has a solid nest in her mind. I need to undo this, help her free herself from these fears and make him pay!
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