Nate Part 4

"All I want is Belladonna, Nate. And to study in peace. I don't plan to get in your way. You don't even have to see me on campus or talk to me," she explains as I lean against a wall. I pull a marker from my pocket and write on my palm:
"Weak!!!"
When I raise my eyes, Isabela is right in front of me, hesitant, her face swollen from crying, red as hell. And I feel pain seeing her like this, almost on the verge of sobs. I'm engulfed by a mountain of sadness and rage.
"I won’t go to parties, I won’t go out at night. Just from class to my room or out of college. I’ll stay away from you, I promise. I just want my cat back and to continue my course in peace."
"Peace?" I scoff, looking down, getting lost in the tiny thread of hope in her eyes. She looks like the damn Puss in Boots when he wants something and makes that big shiny-eyed face. I hold the back of her head, feeling the texture of her hair that I miss so much. I sense her posture falter as I bend down and rest my forehead against hers. Her body radiates heat like a campfire, warm, comforting, almost soothing... "How can I find peace knowing you’ll be there, so close and yet so far? I don’t need to see you, Isabela. Just knowing you're here already fucks me up, it hurts."
"It only hurts because you want it to." She grows bolder, standing on her tiptoes and holding my face between her hands, rubbing her long, unpainted nails on my skin. Isabela rests the tip of her small nose against mine, then leaves a quick kiss on my lips, rubbing her damn delicious breasts against my shirt. Sorceress! She's trying to seduce me. "I won’t be okay if I give up this course. It will destroy me."
"You can study anywhere."
"No, Nate... You don't understand." Her voice sounds like a plea as she presses one of her wet cheeks against mine. I hear her clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth while her breath caresses my skin like a balm. "I can't handle the feeling of failure."
And that exact phrase makes me explode, cocking a damn gun in my mind, making me point a spear at her chest. I wrap my hand around her neck and push her against the wall, smoke escaping from my eyes.
"Yeah, you fucking bitch, afraid of the feeling of failure? Isabela, you ruined my life!" I yell, but this time she doesn’t cry.
Isa squares her shoulders and holds my gaze, fury floating on her sweet face.
"Forget that shit! I was fifteen, you fucked up piece of shit!"
There it is: the real Isabela! Putting aside the seduction and displaying her acidity, the wicked girl persona that makes me even crazier for her, even if I hate her so much.
"You fucked up my life now, damn it! Not when you got me arrested at sixteen with that crap! You ruined my life by going to dinner with my dad dressed like a bitch!" I snarl, yanking her hair back, forcing her head back, making her tilt her chin up and face my disappointment. "Proving I could date and be a normal guy was the deal to keep him from selling his stake in the Revolt. After all, you completely ruined me for any romantic relationship. Vinicius thought I brought you to mock him. Now he's going to sell his shares. He's the damn CEO, do you get it? Someone will buy that shit and change everything, or completely destroy this place." I push her further against the wall, take the damn marker from my pocket, rip the cap off with my mouth, and unleash my anger by writing "Bitch" across the top of her breasts. She doesn’t move, just lets me vent my rage on her body, dirtying her with my offense. "I spent years planning every detail, fighting to make something big, to bring a dream place to life. And you managed to tear it all down, all the foundations of that achievement, with a simple outfit."
There’s fear in her eyes in a way I’ve never seen before. Isabela stares at me, mouth agape, and it takes her a while to finally rest her chin on her neck and look at the insult I left on her breasts.
All the desire I felt seems to have been buried under the animosity that emerged. How can I feel so much for someone? So many conflicting feelings for a single person? I’m such a damn fool.
"Why did you need the dinner?"
I blink at the question. I laugh, incredulous that after everything I've just revealed, she decided to ask that.
"Does it matter?"
"Yes. If I’m responsible for tearing down your little sandcastle, I want to understand exactly how I did it."
"He had to post bail because I vandalized a building," I say, stepping away from her and collapsing onto the windowsill. I feel my muscles weighing down, hurting from how much these heavy feelings for her are damaging me. "I said he had to show I could be a normal guy, or he’d sell the shares."
"So I’m not guilty of anything. You started the whole mess by being a vandal, as always." She lets out a bitter laugh, gesturing and pointing her finger at me.
"You are guilty! I’ve always been lost, broken, troubled. And Vinicius was always the father of that shit, who invested in his fucked-up son’s dream," I spit out the explanation. "My dad told Bianca that selling his shares was a hollow threat, but when he thought I was mocking him by bringing a 'weird whore' to laugh at him, he decided to carry out the bravado."
We sit in silence for a long time. She stays with her arms crossed, thoughtful, leaning against the wall. She looks completely drained, and it’s good to see that I’m not the only one fucked up. This war is destroying her mind too.
"I don't know what to do with you anymore..." she murmurs, turning her back to me.
Isabela walks away, and I see her wipe her cheeks. Fuck it, she’s crying. You know what, fuck everything! I’m going to get wasted at that damn party, find some woman to blow me, eyes closed so I won’t end up softening, and get wasted.
I don’t expect her to leave the building. I brush past Isabela like a bullet, slam the damn entrance gate of the dorm, and head to the party for another destructive night. Getting high and drunk screws me up less than this woman. When I stand in front of the entrance to the Forest, I reach into my pocket to pull out a cigarette, but I realize something is missing.
Fucking bastard!
The key to my room!