Isabela Part 6
I count each breath until a sea of calm water envelops my body. Even though I feel a bit of anger toward Cris for going against what we agreed upon, I understand she is suffering, that she’s as lonely as I am, which is why she clings to our friendship and my company, even though I’m someone who just came into her life.
Broken people always recognize each other.
When I finally manage to gently push her away from my arms, I tenderly teach her the right way to hug me.
“Never under a hug,” I repeat the phrase I told Ana and Nate when I gently taught them how to lower my shields and touch me. She looks frightened, her eyes wide open, realizing she triggered my PTSD and probably feels like she’s walking on eggshells. “I hug you, friend. You ask me for a hug, and I give... Like this...” I then guide her arms to her sides, wrap my arms around her shoulders, and pull us closer together. “Now you can hug me.”
And Cristina does. She wraps her arms around my waist, and even though I shudder, I scream at myself and my walls, forcing them to stay buried.
She’s fragile!
She isn’t a threat and needs me!
She needs help, just like I’ve needed so many times!
There were moments when a hug could have prevented a tear in my wrist, so I force myself to give that to her.
I realize I’m once again in control of things. I feel present, and I can care for this lonely soul that is Cristina. I can be a friend and help her. That’s what I allow myself to do in our countless minutes of hugging, with my eyes closed, soaking in the affection she offers.
And during our embrace, my mind wanders, as if a fragment of my being is being pulled in by the magnet that is Nate, as if it’s now impossible to spend too much time without being overtaken by memories of him. I hope I don’t see him at this damn party because tonight is mine.
I’m going to kiss!
And sleep with another man, my way, on top.
And I’m going to expel that bastard and his remnants from my veins, no matter what it takes!
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