Isabela Part 3

"Pot calling the kettle black!" It's the only thing my mouth can produce. "I am more disgusted by you for letting me believe that my grandmother loved me."
"I didn't want to mess with your head even more. I was a shitty mother who couldn't keep you away from my husband. I despised him after the day you lost yourself in pain and reminded me of myself with slashed wrists." Her voice barely comes out, and she puts the oxygen mask on her nose for a few seconds. Breathless, she continues: "Do you know who created that blog that separated you from that boy? She did. Marcos lost Hellen's case that was worth five million, and threatened to do even more if she didn't find a way to keep you away from that boy. He thought it was your grandmother who made it easy for you to get a boyfriend, so she had to be the one to drive you away from him. Hellen stole your diary at her penthouse, then used things you told her to make everything more believable. How can I die and leave you without knowing this?"
"How can I be sure it wasn't you or your husband who made the blog?"
"I'm going to die. Why would I lie? Look at your grandmother's cases, see who the judge is signing all her winning cases."
"Shut that filthy mouth of yours!" I scream, my throat burning from the effort to keep the volume of my shout. "You're not worried about me. It's your shitty narcissistic sense that wants someone else hated besides you. You don't want to be seen as the villain alone. Mom, this is your perfect ending. Abandoned, without the husband for whom you chose to lose your daughter, and without the daughter, who you lost for choosing a filthy dick."
I get up, escaping Ana's trembling arms. When I reach the corridor, wide, pale, and smelling of alcohol, I run to the first trash can I find and vomit my breakfast.
My whole body feels weak, but I need to go to my grandmother. I want and will find out if the damn hidden big bad wolf is her. My God! Why did no one in my family choose me?
At least my father loved me. Screw him being a womanizer, having cheated on that shitty snake! He, at least, was good to me, was the father I needed. I'm lost in thought, hearing Ana's voice trying to comfort me in the distance, while I get lost in sobs. When I come to my senses, I'm already in her car.
My whole life has always been a lie.
They could have saved me.
Neither of them chose me.
"Isabela, listen to me!" Ana holds my face, wiping my tears, while she herself can't hold back her own crying. "I need to take you to Nate."
"No! I want to go to her. I want to look her in the face and understand how my grandmother could screw me, let me lay on her lap and see me crying over Nate, day after day, having separated me from him. I need to see it in her eyes. Ana, she ruined me!"
"I don't know if I should take you now, in this state."
It's only been a few weeks since she came back from her honeymoon, and I shouldn't drag her into my messes. But she's the only person I could count on to come here with me. Nate is fighting for his emotional balance. I couldn't bring him into such a big problem, because he feels responsible for me. It would end badly to have my boyfriend here now.
"If you don't take me, I'll get a cab there."
I roll down the passenger door window while, resigned, Ana starts driving to Hellen's house. At times like this, I see how precious this woman is. She holds my hand and fights with me, dives into the mud if needed.
"Thank you for being my family. I don't deserve you!"
"Yes, you do! And I love you. You didn't deserve to have a family like that. They should have loved and protected you," she says, her tears falling and staining her black jumpsuit.
"You didn't deserve yours either. You should have been understood, valued, and cared for. You deserve the love of the new family, the one you and Josiah formed, and that makes you happy."
I give her a sad smile, seeing that my sentence makes her cry even more. She cries easily, but also, with a past full of significant losses, anyone would become a crybaby.
"We're two little shits. Equally screwed."
"That's why we're friends, right?"
Ana nods. I remember, looking at my friend as she drives, with her gaze far away, that when we fought in the past, I sided with Josiah and against her. There was a secret she didn't want me to tell him about their daughter, and I could have told him. But I was afraid she would never forgive me if I spoke, that she would see me as a snitch, as Nate accused me of being. I should have spoken. Fought for her. And I'll never be able to forgive myself for that. No matter how many times she forgives and loves me, I will always carry this weight with me. When Ana supports me in my moments of pain, all my failures with her light up inside me. But, even with so much guilt, I'm grateful for my friend being here. Or I wouldn't hold up.
The following minutes, as my friend drives the car to my grandmother's house, are spent in silence. My chest hurts as if a heavy cold had caught me. I have the absurd feeling that there's lead in each of my muscles.
After Ana parks her black pickup, we walk to Hellen's penthouse door in silence. I relive the moments when she gave me affection but never really tried to fight with my mother over my cuts. How did my grandmother never check the origin of my bruises? Why did I let so many details slip?
I know maybe my mother didn't tell me the whole truth, but the pieces of the puzzle start to fit. Things start to make more sense. I will never understand why the world had to fall on my head so many times. Why did none of my guardians take care of me, care? How to endure so much pain?
I'm devastated when I ring her doorbell. I need to do this, but I know my whole family will be entirely dead when I finish here. My father, buried, my mother, and Hellen dead in my heart.
"Hi, Bella..." she says, opening a huge smile.
I ignore her voice, which now makes me want to vomit. I enter her house like an arrow, carving a path between her body and ignoring her shocked expression. I run to her office. I'm so angry and, at the same time, so sad...
It's like all the walls in my head are collapsing, and I'm about to freak out. I know I will manage to get back up, move forward, as I always did. But the pain of having another maternal figure tainted will always remain.
I rummage through her office, pulling out drawers and checking all the papers I find. I look at each one, searching for the damn process that confirms the shit my mother said. I ignore her figure in a black midi dress, standing below the door frame. I ignore her shocked and frightened face.
"The game is over, Grandma?" I ask, succumbing to tears, while I finally find a folder in the last drawer. It has a label with the word "Cases". I'm afraid to open the wide, red folder, with so many papers that it makes it heavy. I know I could search online and check the cases in her name. But since I'm here, it's good to see her face collapsing in front of me. "So, are you going to talk or should I open this?"
"Isabela... Let's talk!" Hellen pleads, raising her hands with painted nails in front of her body, trying to calm me down. "I don't know what they told you, but you need to listen to me."
I let out a nervous laugh, rolling my eyes and opening the damn folder. Ana is by my side, and I don't even need to look at her to see she's scared, dying for there not to be something that confirms Diana's accusations. But there is. Damn it! There is! Holy crap!
His name... Damn it!