Nate
**Today**
She’s dancing on my lap, completely wasted, and I don’t know how to get Fabi off me without throwing her to the floor. I swear I want to see her fall with that big ass far away from me. I’m not in the mood for jokes.
"Come on, get lost!" I growl, turning my face away hard, trying to break free from her grip on my chin. She just came out of nowhere and climbed on me as if she didn’t need an invitation. My head is miles away, wherever Isabela is. I haven’t slept a decent night since that day in my room when everything went down. I’ve been feeling like crap for it.
"Are you seriously not even a little bit interested?" she insists, licking her swollen lips that are as red as her dress, almost pressing her boobs in my face. I must really have some kind of spell on me, probably cast by Isabela’s grandma, who loves some weird shit, because my dick doesn’t give a damn about this woman on my lap. "Are you gay?"
"I’ve fucked you enough to show exactly what I like, but right now, I have eyes for no one. Get out of here!" I stand up, not caring if she awkwardly slides to the floor, falling sideways and exposing everything between her legs.
I’m not rejecting her because she spread it around that I’m impotent, though that pisses me off, but because she’s out of her mind, and my thoughts are far away, stuck on the girl who’s been driving me crazy just by existing. I don’t sit back down in the chair until Fabiana finally disappears from my sight.
I managed to "hit" my piece of sunshine so hard that she cried so much I felt like a huge jerk. I regretted it the moment she fell to her knees, collapsing not just with her body, but with her soul. The way her eyes overflowed with pain made me pull back.
She incited this mess!
She said it was to conquer the worst, so I really put in the effort. I got blinded by jealousy watching her dance on stage, and I planned to fill her room with trash, thinking that would finally make Isabela leave and end this torment. But there was one beautiful, furry thing in the way: her kitten. How could I fill the room with garbage if Pretinha was there? I had to bring her with me. And of course, I took advantage of the opportunity. I just had no idea that I would really win that fight, and it wasn’t with trash, paint, or the cat, but when I was about to put an end to the war. When her eyes sparkled with happiness and hope, screaming how much she wanted what I was offering, but I pulled back. And that’s when she truly broke.
And I didn’t lie when I told Isabela I love her. I never stopped loving that little bitch. She always held my feelings to herself, leaving no inch for another woman to grasp.
The truth is, when we finally had real sex for the first time, with Isabela surrendering knowing it was me, I went crazy. I dropped my guard and wanted her intensely. So I offered a truce, so she would be mine, that we would be together again. It was almost a marriage proposal.
I tried to make a joke saying I was offering "dick." Then I intended to formalize my intentions, to say I really wanted her since she wasn’t leaving my space and I couldn’t stand sustaining the war any longer.
It was impulsive to think about asking her to be my girlfriend at that moment, I know. Especially after all the chaos we caused in the past few weeks, but... It doesn’t seem to have been the wrong decision.
I want her so damn much!
And I’m dying of jealousy over her.
I miss her and want to see her every damn second, even if I lie to myself saying I want her away. What I don’t want is to get hurt again. Seeing my Little Sun here is a fucked-up reminder that when I loved this woman in a fucked-up way, too strong, she stabbed me. So I tell myself lies, fight with my feelings, saying I want her as far away as possible, when the truth is just one:
I want her in my bed.
In my life.
I’ve always wanted...
I know Isabela likes me. No one spends that much time on another person without a reason. I wasted mine trying to mess with her because I couldn’t handle the feelings that torment me, throw me off balance, mess with my mind. She feels the same way. So I thought, "Why keep stalling?" I don’t want to share my girl with anyone. And I’ll never love another the way I love her.
Isabela fucked me over in the past.
But I got my revenge in the present. I won. I was the worst.
There’s no way to lie to myself anymore. Although every action I take might be wrong, choosing to be with her is the only thing that seems right in all this mess. I might lose the Revolta, but do I want to lose Isabela again?
What do I feel more? Anger over the memories of when she stabbed a dagger in my chest seven years ago, or the fire that emanates from her kisses? Hate seemed like an atom compared to the Supernova that is Isabela’s body. This collision crushes my chest. I burn when I have her in my arms.
I’m not in love.
I’ve always been.
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