Dark Labor of Love
I am wheeled through the hospital in a wheelchair to the shared room, which is currently empty. I lie down on the bed and start timing my contractions, which have rapidly progressed to every five minutes. Carlos places the suitcase in a corner, helps me change into a hospital gown, and then sits at the edge of the bed as if he's afraid to come closer. I decided to let Carlos stay for as long as he could, and then my mother would be with me. We didn't speak to each other until Rúbia appeared, surprisingly on duty at the hospital. She approaches me and performs a pelvic exam to check my dilation.
"So, while one child is more relaxed about being born, the other one is practically in a hurry to come out," Rúbia jokes, breaking the ice between us.
"Well, each child took after one of us in terms of personality," Carlos responds, awkwardly.
"Which one of you do you think this little girl took after?" Rúbia asks, winking in my direction. She then adjusts herself and starts the exam. She stops for a moment and then asks, "Were you feeling contractions at home?"
"No, I started feeling them as soon as I arrived here," I reply.
"Great progress," Rúbia compliments. "Well, you may remember from the last time: We need to reach a dilation of ten to start your natural delivery unless you still want a cesarean..."
"The only thing I want is an epidural. Lots of epidural and all the pain medications you can offer me; I can handle the rest," I say with a smile.
"As you wish," Rúbia says.
In a few minutes, the nurse enters with everything to prepare me for the delivery. She approaches with the epidural, and I lie on my side, arching my back so the nurse can administer the anesthesia. She touches the lumbar area of my spine where she will inject and anesthetizes the skin in that spot, causing a momentary burning sensation, like an electric shock.
The nurse steps back and attaches the monitors to track Marisol's and my heartbeats. When she finally finishes her part, my husband approaches me, but he doesn't say anything; he simply holds my hand. I close my eyes, wishing to sleep, even though I know my husband won't be there when I wake up.
***
I feel an unbearable pain down there, which wakes me up and makes me hold my groin. I arch forward, and then I hear the door to the room open, and my husband rushes in, practically throwing his phone on the bedside table while still on a call, making me wonder how long I slept.
"What... are... you... doing... here?" I ask with great difficulty, leaning back on the bed as the pain subsides. "What time is it? Aren't you supposed to be on the plane?"
"I still have time," my husband says briefly. "I'll call Rúbia."
He doesn't let me question further and quickly leaves the room, leaving me with a pain that only intensifies. I look at the bedside table and find Carlos' phone vibrating. I stretch my hand and grab the phone, bringing it closer to me. When I finally see the screen, the call goes to voicemail. I check the missed calls, and Rubens' number fills the list. I look at the top of the screen, and the text message notification practically screams at me. I press it, and then all the messages exchanged between my husband and his boss appear, with Rubens' last message catching my attention:
"If you don't board the next flight to Portugal, consider yourself fired."
A sharp pain rushes through me, causing me to throw the phone on the bed. Rúbia enters through the door with Carlos. She approaches, performs the pelvic exam, and then signals to the nurse, who leaves the room.
"We're at ten centimeters dilation," Rúbia informs.
***
"OH MY GOD, IT HURTS!" I scream in the delivery position. Carlos tries to approach, so I raise my finger at him and say, "NO! GO AWAY! GO TO PORTUGAL! BRING MY MOTHER HERE!"
"What?" my confused husband asks. "No, I'll stay here. Marisol is already being born."
"I know everything..." I say as I breathe heavily and search for the phone somewhere behind me. Once I find it, I point it at my husband. "Go, we'll be fine. If you don't go... you'll lose your job, and that's not... that's not what... I want... Take it and go... We'll be fine... We'll be fine..."
Carlos takes the phone from my hand, looking at me still in surprise. He looks at Rúbia, who nods at him, giving him all the confidence he needed. He kisses my forehead intensely and then leaves the room. I look back at my belly with tears in my eyes: It's time to focus on Marisol. I grip the edges of the bed and release all my anger, frustration, sadness, and rage.
"Come on, Dália. We've been through this before," Rúbia encourages. "Put all your strength into it now. Push."
"AAAAAAAAAAA!" I scream as loud as I can to see if she fits. I lean back on the bed, unsuccessful.
"Come on, Dália, one more time," Rúbia asks.
"AAAAAAA CRISTOOOO!" I push with all my strength, but it doesn't seem enough. Something was missing, someone was missing.
I lean back on the bed, exhausted, letting go of my hand until I feel it being held. I turn around and find Carlos holding it.
"What are you doing here?
Go away... You'll lose your job," I say. "I quit my job," Carlos reveals, kissing my eyes, forehead, and mouth. He strokes my face. "I promised you that nothing would be more important than our family, and I'll keep that promise, no matter the cost. Now let's bring our daughter into the world."
"Dália, are you ready?" Rúbia asks, looking at us.
"We are," we respond together.
I squeeze my husband's hand and exert all the strength I need to make Marisol fit. He applies an ice pack to my lips and offers his best motivational phrases. Then, I lift myself from the bed and push with all my might at that moment. I could swear that my scream echoed through the room and down the hallway. I lie back on the bed again, feeling that slow-motion sensation, but instead of hearing my daughter's cries, all I find is darkness.
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