Reasons and emotions

One month later...

I believed in his words. I can have virtual sex with anyone and feel pleasure. A few days later, I logged into the game and let myself be carried away by various partners, but the feeling from my first time with Mr.X remained. I felt nothing with any of them, even with the most popular avatar in RLC who seemed to have a way with words. But it was exactly like before: mechanical, without emotion, just empty words... Deep down, I knew I was searching for the sensation I felt with Mr.X, and that's why I would never find what I was looking for elsewhere. Despite feeling this way, I decided not to tell him. I don't want him to know and treat me like one of his countless partners, tossing me aside.

Mr.X (online) — Bonne dame du matin (Good morning, madam).
Thalia (online) — Good morning. I have some news to tell you.
Mr.X (online) — Go ahead.
Thalia (online) — Tomorrow my VIP pass expires, and I've decided not to renew it. It was good while it lasted, but I think it's best for me to quit the game... for good.
Mr.X (online) — Why?
Thalia (online) — It just doesn't make sense anymore... Not to mention that I won't have time to play anymore because my college classes are starting, and I want to dedicate myself 100% to them. No distractions...
Mr.X (online) — Is that the only reason? I hope it has nothing to do with our "playtime"... Or something I did...
Thalia (online) — It's just that, X. You were perfect, it has nothing to do with you. If you want to keep talking to me, just add me on MSN. Mine is daliapenedosalazar@hotmail.com.
Mr.X (online) — Alright, then goodbye Dália Penedo Salazar.

That goodbye squeezed my heart. I would miss talking to Mr.X, but if he didn't want to add me, I would have to understand. Maybe I wasn't that important to him after all.

Thalia (online) — That will depend solely on you.

I uninstall the game and close my account.
***
Five days later...

I thought I wouldn't be able to, but I dealt with the RLC just fine. The only thing I missed was Mr.X, but I chose to accept that it was for the best, before something worse happened. I ended up taking some friends from the RLC to MSN, where I spend a good part of my time, while the rest was filled with college classes. And some nights with the side conversations I have with Carlos.

"The project implementation was a success. I can already feel society in my hands," Carlos says excitedly.

"That's great, honey. I'm happy for you," I respond, not very enthusiastic. "Today, my constitutional law class was great. We..."

"I forgot to tell you," Carlos interrupts me, just like the countless times I tried to talk about college. "The head of the project department said that mine is the best project ever created. Can you imagine? My project? Unbelievable."

"Truly unbelievable," I say, trying not to get annoyed. "Well, as I was saying, my constitutional law class..."

"You should've seen the look on Nazario's team's faces. They looked like they had swallowed a toad."

"No doubt, everyone wanted to be praised like you were," I touch his hand. He looks at me all happy. "It's a great victory, and I'm very proud of you."

"Thank you, love," Carlos says, giving me a kiss. "If everything goes as planned... we'll soon have that apartment we've been dreaming of."

"God willing," I say, crossing my fingers. "Who knows, we might even start considering the next step..."

"Imagine me as a partner and you a successful lawyer. I bet you never imagined that, did you?"

"I'm going to the bedroom," I say, getting up before I strangle my husband in our dining room. "I have some things to do... for college... not that it matters to you."

"I'll just check some work stuff, and I promise I'll be all yours in a little while," Carlos says, making yet another empty promise.

I enter the bedroom and go to the computer. Despite wanting to study, I feel disheartened, so I log into my MSN. As soon as my chat window opens, a notification pops up at the top. As I open it, I see the words I've been waiting for:

Friend Request:

Is Mr.X your friend?

Confirm Not Now

Of course, I accept it. After all, there's nothing better than having someone to talk to who you know will truly listen.

Mr.X says:
Finally, Dalia Penedo Salazar.

Dalia Penedo Salazar says:
Hello, Mr.X. How are you?

Mr.X says:
I'm great. Curious to know more about what you lied or omitted about yourself.

Dalia Penedo Salazar says:
Well, I'm not bisexual, I'm 21 years old, and right now, I'm irritated with my husband for being insensitive.

Mr.X says:
Wow, would you like to talk about it?

I pause and read those words. I thought he would dismiss my irritation as just a childish impulse, but he was willing to listen.

Dalia Penedo Salazar says:
Yes. Since my husband started competing to become a partner in the company, everything has changed. He only talks about work and never has time for me, or rather, for us. I feel alone... and he doesn't even seem to care. I spent my vacation at home, and he didn't make an effort to spend a few days with me. I think my marriage won't last long. I love my husband, but he's been a complete jerk... and I don't know if I can handle this for much longer.

Mr.X says:
Would you like advice from someone who has been down this road for a long time?

Dalia Penedo Salazar says:
Yes.

Mr.X says:
Don't get angry with him. Think that your husband is like this because he wants to give his best and show you that he can give you the best. He loves you, doesn't doubt that. Every time your husband sacrifices the time to be with you to stay at the company, it shows how much he loves you. He's sacrificing today to have a tomorrow by your side. And honestly, we're not good at noticing our partners. So talk openly with him, show him how you feel, and I can assure you he'll be immensely sorry for not noticing it before.

I hear Carlos' heavy footsteps coming towards the bedroom. I quickly type:

Dalia Penedo Salazar says:
Thank you for the advice. Goodbye, X.

Mr.X says:
Thank me only after you talk to him. See you soon, Dalia.
I log out of MSN and turn my attention back to the open file on my screen. Carlos opens the bedroom door and walks towards me, placing his hands on my shoulders and massaging them as I turn around pretending to be surprised.

"You seem tense," Carlos comments, serious. "Is everything okay?"

"No, it's not," I reply, serious.

Carlos sits on the bed and looks at me, waiting for me to finish speaking. Then I pour my heart out and let out everything that has been stuck in my throat. I talk about every night, every day, every time I had to reschedule or cancel something... Every interruption he gave me. His eyes widen as if he can't believe I'm talking about him. When I finish pouring my heart out, he pulls me onto the bed, and we lie there embracing each other. His tears wet my hair and trigger my own tears. I hold my husband close to my face, how I missed his embrace, being this close to each other. Carlos touches my chin and pulls my head towards him, kissing me. His hand caresses my face as if admiring every feature that has emerged over these almost three years. He kisses my entire face, making me laugh.

"I love you," Carlos says.

"I love you too," I respond with complete sincerity. Yes, despite everything, I love Carlos.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you like this, I didn't mean to."

"I know you didn't... I understand."

"You're the best wife I could ever have, Dália Penedo," Carlos confesses, looking into my eyes. "And I promise to try to be..."

"Shhh," I say, placing my fingers on his lips, interrupting another promise. "Don't make any promises, just love me. That's enough, for now."

Carlos lifts himself up from the bed, supporting himself with one arm, while his other hand unbuttons my blouse with care. Then he takes it off with both hands, exposing my breasts. He touches them with his lips, making me sigh in a way I haven't in a long time. His hand travels down to my waist and he tears off my panties. Quickly, he removes his shorts and penetrates me without hesitation, showing all the desire he feels. That time was a mix of desire and longing. We touched, kissed, and exchanged words of love each time he penetrated me with more intensity. When we finished, we knew that our love was still there, we just needed to nurture it.

I watch Carlos' eyes close, calm and serene. In my thoughts, I am immensely grateful for the advice given by Mr. X.