Confessions Beneath the Barcelona Night
La Barca looked as beautiful as that day when we came for the first time; that's what I was thinking as the concierge led me to the reserved table on the terrace. He pulls out a chair for me, and I sit down promptly. He steps away, and I find myself admiring the nighttime view of Barcelona while my mind wandered, considering the possibilities. There were chances Carlos might not come or might come with someone else. Even the possibility of being followed, and X showing up there. Regardless, I tried to convince myself to see it through. I place my hands in front of my face, repeating to myself: I needed to put an end to this, I needed to...
“Dália?” Carlos calls, standing in front of me. “Is everything okay?”
“Hi, Carlos,” I say, adjusting my hands on the table. “Yes, it is.”
“Would you like something to drink before choosing your dishes?” the sommelier asks.
“Just water, please,” I say, nervously unable to look at the young man.
“Wow...”
“What?” I ask quickly.
“For you to order water, the matter must be quite serious,” Carlos comments, with a hint that a smile would come soon, but it doesn't. He turns to the sommelier and says, “The same for me, please.”
The young man walks away, and I find myself observing Carlos, who seems impatient. His hair is slightly gray, I suppose work is stressing him out... or our divorce is affecting him too much. Either way, I remember feeling helpless seeing him like this... He takes a deep breath and then looks at me, pursing his lips as he straightens his posture.
“So? What do you want to talk about?” Carlos asks.
“That day, when you... when you decided... when you opted for the divorce...” I start, trying to control my nervousness. “You said... You told about...”
“The affair with Duny.”
“Yes, you blamed yourself for everything and said you couldn't live like that anymore.”
“It's true, I blamed myself, and I still do,” Carlos affirms, adjusting his suit. “That's why I made that decision, and I hope we can finalize it tomorrow.”
“Carlos, you weren't the only one who made mistakes in this marriage,” I say, lightly touching the edge of the plate. “I also have my share of blame...”
“Dália, please...” Carlos pleads, pressing his forehead. “You don't have to do this...”
“Carlos, I cheated on you,” I blurt out without thinking. There, the first words have slipped out; now only the next ones are left.
***
“I cheated on you long before... Long before Duny, before Portugal, before our children. I cheated on you even before we tried to have a child... My God, I started cheating on you when we were two years into our marriage. I was still in law school and bored... A girl who believed everything had to be on her timeline and got bored easily with everything. Combined with the boredom I felt because you were working and knew exactly what you wanted from life while I was lost... I started cheating on you. Virtually, but it's still betrayal. At that time, I didn't think it was, it was just a virtual sex game. I would never see those people again, that's what I believed. Those people would never enter my life... Until he appeared. The man who changed all of that. It was with him that it stopped being a game. We started getting closer... I couldn't stop talking to him and sought in him everything I thought was missing in you. He messed with my mind, I ended up falling in love... When he broke up with me, virtually, I felt lost. That's when I decided to go to...”
“Dália, don't continue.”
“I went to Africa, and he followed me... I'm so sorry, Carlos. I want to say I didn't want to, but it happened... we got physically involved.” I continue crying without stopping. “My God, then he disappeared, and we went on with our lives. But then he appeared again... we got back... Oh, God... we got involved... I tried...”
“Dália, stop...” Carlos calmly requests.
“I tried to resist, but it was impossible...”
“Dália...”
“He was everywhere, provoking me... I came to you... Carlos, I didn't want to, but when you left me in that elevator...”
“Dália...”
“We started being together again...” I continue amid my incessant crying. “I'm sorry, but it was stronger than me... Being with him was stronger than me... Then he left...”
“Please, stop...” Carlos pleads, holding my hand.
“No, you need to know...” I say between sobs, trying to speak to him. “You need to know...”
“Dália, I know,” Carlos says, lightly squeezing my hand.
“Know what?”
“I know everything,” Carlos reveals. “I know you were cheating on me.”
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