Love's Unwavering Pursuit
After leaving my children with the nanny and taking a shower, I head to the address of the summons, which happens to be Elson's office address. I press the elevator button that takes me to the penultimate floor in a matter of seconds. The panoramic view of the city welcomes me, and then I approach the receptionist:
"Good morning, I'm Dália Penedo Salazar and I received a summons for today."
"Good morning, Mrs. Salazar. Just a moment to inform Dr. Elson that you're here" says the receptionist.
She smiles in my direction, raises her index finger, and then turns to speak on the phone. The receptionist exchanges a few words amid fake giggles and hair tosses, then turns to me, saying:
"Dr. Elson is waiting for you in the conference room. Please follow me."
She stands up from her seat, adjusting her tight but elegant purple dress, making me question my choice of wearing wide-legged pants and a white shirt. The receptionist says a few things, but I don't retain anything in my mind because all I can think about is that in a few seconds, I'll be face-to-face with Carlos. I hold my breath when she finally stops in front of one of the rooms and grabs the doorknob:
"Do you know if my husband is already here?"
"Have a good day," the young woman says, opening the door and completely ignoring my question.
I enter and find several empty chairs and then Elson sitting at the end and... just him. No sign of Carlos. I approach, and my husband's friend stands up, offering me his best smile, something I don't reciprocate:
"Hello, Dália, how are you?" he asks before brushing his lips against my cheeks.
"I'm fine," I reply, serious. "Where's Carlos?"
"He showed up here earlier and took care of his part," Elson replies, awkwardly stepping back. He grabs one of the chairs and pulls it for me. "Please."
I walk toward the chair, sit down, and then he returns to his place. Elson shuffles through the papers, explaining things I don't hear, my focus solely on Carlos' signature on the paper. He came earlier and signed our divorce. Just like that. The same simplicity as Juan in the car... The same simplicity Elson is now asking of me as he raises the pen in my direction:
"According to the postnuptial agreement, everything will be for you and the children."
I hold the pen and then adjust the paper in front of me. I just need to sign, just need to put the pen on the line, and make my signature. Simple as that... Simple as that...
"You know, it's hard to see a couple of friends parting ways, but it's good that you're rational about it. It's just a pity my friend will be moving out of the country, but that's life."
"What did you say?" I ask, surprised by his words.
"Well, obviously I'm sad to see you two splitting up..."
"After that."
"I praised you both, after all, you are truly rational..."
"No, Elson, you said Carlos is moving?"
"Yes. He's permanently moving to Lisbon." Elson responds as if it's obvious. "You know, the company was after him, so he thought it best to leave."
"Okay," I reply before refocusing on the paper. I shake the pen and then look back at him — Do you know when?
"Well..." Elson says, looking at his watch. "Soon, because he told me he would catch the noon flight, and it's already eleven."
My eyes lock onto Elson, I'm in shock. In an hour, Carlos would be boarding a flight to Portugal for good. My heart felt like it was going to explode from the pain I felt. I drop the pen and stand up abruptly, startling the lawyer who looks at me with confusion.
"I need to go."
I walk quickly toward the exit of the room, leaving Elson to analyze the papers.
"Dália!" Elson calls before following me. "Dália, come back, you haven't signed the papers!"
I don't look back, in fact, I don't even know if that's what he said, but it must have been because I indeed didn't sign. I couldn't, it wasn't that simple. Just like it wasn't so simple for Carlos to exit my life like this.
***
I speed through the streets of Barcelona; unfortunately, the airport and Elson's office were on opposite ends of the city. Yes, I was heading to the airport.
What am I going to do there? I have no idea, but I'm going anyway.
And what if he doesn't want me? I don't care.
To love is also to let go...
I stop my car at a traffic light with these last words etched in my mind. To love is also to let go. That's what he said, and then right after: Sign the divorce and be happy so I can be happy too. The traffic light turns green, but I can't move. And if what I'm doing is the wrong choice? And if in the end, it was supposed to be like this? I close my eyes and go back to New Year's Eve night when I met him. What if I hadn't taken his number? What if I hadn't hugged him? Sat next to him? Been introduced to him? What if I hadn't gone, would we be happy? What paths would we have taken? What life would we have now?
HOOOONK!!!
I open my eyes and realize that I'm still stuck in the same place, blocking traffic. My hand is tightly gripping the steering wheel, while the other is on the gear shift. I could explore all the possibilities of life without Carlos, but the one I desired was the one we were in, and I'm not willing to give it up. I release my grip on the wheel and drive forward, seeking our happiness.
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