Decoration

2010

With Carlos's promotion, we decided to buy our ideal apartment. We searched all over Barcelona for it, but there was always something that displeased either me or him.

"This apartment is a bit more expensive, but it's worth it. I guarantee it," says the real estate agent, opening the door to yet another apartment. "Welcome to the future home of the Penedo Salazar couple."

As soon as the door opened, Carlos's jaw dropped at the sight of the enormous white living room.

"Two living rooms, a dining room, kitchen, breakfast nook, laundry area, maid's room, three bedrooms, one suite, two powder rooms, one social bathroom, and two parking spaces. If I may say so, it's the best apartment you'll find in Barcelona."

I walk through the entire space, analyzing everything, under the gaze of the real estate agent who I'm sure must think I'm the pickiest person in the world. The first living room is very good, but I find the second one poorly utilized. After looking at both living rooms, we reach the balcony. Close by, there's the kitchen, which I don't like; it's not airy enough. In my opinion, the apartment was poorly designed.

"Well?" the real estate agent asks, impatiently.

I look at her but don't say anything. I hate being rushed; I still have to see the bedrooms. Carlos accompanies me without saying a word, as does the real estate agent. In each of the bedrooms, I can imagine the decoration for the guests and our yet-to-be-born child.

When I finally reach the master suite, my eyes are dazzled by the grandeur of the room. I can already envision Carlos and me in that room. Then our children jump on our bed, waking us up or sleeping in the middle of us. I go to the bathroom, and it's exactly what I wanted.

"What do you think?" Carlos asks, hugging me.

"Let's go back to the living room," I say, pulling my husband.

Once we return to the main living room, I look at the entire space once again, admiring the fireplace. The real estate agent lets out a heavy breath, catching my attention.

"What do you think?" the real estate agent asks.

"Well, I liked this living room, the bedrooms... but the balcony, the second living room, and the kitchen... I hated them. Plus, the whole white flooring... it made the apartment look dull."

"Well, I assume you won't be taking it then..." the real estate agent comments, crossing off the apartment on her form. Then she mutters, "Another one..."

"Who said that?" I ask, irritated. "We're taking the apartment, but it will have to come with a discount because I intend to renovate it."

"What do you plan to do with it?" Carlos asks, curious.

"You'll see," I reply, lost in thought. The only thing I know is that I have a lot to do.

***

"There's nothing more motivating to me than hearing those walls being torn down. My idea is to turn that space in the living room, balcony, and kitchen into one big open kitchen. Imagine how beautiful it will look," I explain over the phone.

"You've always been good at interior design, my dear," Mr. X compliments.

Yes, X is still present in my life, but some things between us have changed. The playful banter continues, but not at the same frequency as before. However, when it does happen, it's perfect, indecent, and intense to the point where I declare that he is my virtual soulmate every time. I truly feel that... we have something unique.

Despite the doubled workload, I always found time to talk with him. And I decided that it wasn't worth discussing my feelings with him since they would never be reciprocated. He's still in the phase of passing on his position to someone else before permanently moving to Switzerland. Until that happens, we maintain as much contact as possible.

I no longer feel guilty for getting involved with him, and I've convinced myself that I'm not betraying Carlos. It's passion, not love. The truth is, I'm living the best of both worlds: my husband loves me, and Mr. X is always there to help me with whatever I need, providing the support I wish everyone would give me. Sometimes, I was certain that it would always be like this...
***
Four months later...

Finally, the construction work is over, and the apartment has become our paradise. I must admit that everything turned out impeccable, confirming that my passion lies in interior design and not in the Law degree I still push through. We were so happy with our home that any occasion was a reason to invite friends and family over for dinner.

"I'm truly in love with your house," Filomena compliments, taking a sip of wine while admiring the dining room decor. "I can't believe you did all of this on your own."

"Thank you, Fi," I say, flattered. "I loved making my home just the way I wanted it. I had also decorated the previous apartment. I don't know, maybe my true talent is in interior design."

"But before that, that dedication you had in decorating your home into becoming the best lawyer in Barcelona," my father says from the other side of the table. I knew he would bring up that topic. "So, what's the occasion this time?"

"Ramón," my mother scolds, smiling at our friends, feeling embarrassed.

"Love, would you like to answer?" Carlos asks, pointing his glass in my direction. He turns to the guests. "Everyone knows she's better at telling things than I am."

"Alright. The occasion today is that Carlos managed to close another partnership. This time with the Germans," I say excitedly.

"That's great, Carlos," my mother says, smiling at my husband.

"Congratulations," Filomena says. "It deserves a toast."

"Congratulations, Carlos," Filomena's husband says.

"Congratulations, partner," Elson tells Carlos. "Although it's not news to me."

"Congratulations," Elson's wife says.

"That's right, brother-in-law," my sister says cheerfully.

My father narrows his eyes, giving us a stern look. Then he takes a slow sip of wine, completely ignoring my words, creating an unpleasant atmosphere.

"Dad, aren't you happy about Carlos's achievement?" I ask, holding my husband's hand. "An admirable accomplishment, don't you think?"

"If that's what you think..." my father replies dismissively. He looks at my mother, who lightly squeezes his arm, reprimanding him. "What's the matter, woman? The truth is, no one here dares to say that they expected the news to be that she's pregnant. FINALLY, pregnant. Or that she's preparing for the Bar exam, but since it's just another piece of news... nothing against Carlos, but we always come here expecting something remarkable, not just another deal closed by you. Which, in my opinion, is just your obligation to the company. You're a partner, and that's your duty. So, I don't see why we should always celebrate the same thing."

As much as I hated my father's words, the faces around the table showed that they thought the same; they just didn't dare to say it. I adjust myself in the chair, preparing to give the response my father deserves and knows he will receive. Everyone knows a storm is brewing...

"Don't worry, Mr. Penedo. We're working on it so that when Dália gets pregnant, it'll be a whole football team coming," Carlos says, kissing my cheek. "Then you'll complain about having too many birthdays and family events to celebrate."

Everyone at the table laughs, except for my father, who just nods his head in my husband's direction. I look at him, amazed at how he managed to defuse the situation and how blessed I am to have him in my life.

"Thank you," I whisper in my husband's ear.

"I just avoided a disaster," Carlos replies, kissing my hand.

Someone changes the subject to movies, and my father's words fade away with time for everyone but me. They pound in my mind. I always thought that by the time I got married, I would already have children, but now it's been almost four years, and there's no sign. I don't take any birth control pills, and we don't use condoms, and that situation is starting to worry me. What if I can't have children?

"Thank you for dinner," my mother says, holding onto my arm. I know that gesture means she wants to talk to me, so we walk slowly, letting my father and Valéria go ahead. As soon as we stop at the door, she turns and speaks. "Daughter, I'm sorry for what your father said at dinner. Don't take it seriously; he's just worried that you two still don't have a child. After all, I had you just a few months after getting married..."

"Mom, don't worry," I say, convincingly. "We're dealing with it, we're fine. We're trying but without any pressure..."

"That's good to know," my mother says, looking at me. "But if things don't work out that way, you could consider getting some tests done to make sure everything's alright."

"Don't worry, Mom. We know how to take care of ourselves," I say, walking to the door. "Goodbye, Mom."

"Goodbye, my daughter," my mother says, leaving.

I close the door and go to help my husband with the table. I watch Carlos and wonder what's going through his mind. I load the plates into the dishwasher and sit with him on the couch, looking at the game playing on our television.

"What's wrong?" Carlos asks.

"I'm thinking about what my father said," I reply as I observe the expression on my husband's face change.

"Don't think about that. You know how unpleasant your father can be."

"But you know he's right," I say. I adjust myself on the couch, looking at my husband, and ask, "Aren't you worried that we still don't have our child?"

"Yes," Carlos replies. "But maybe it's because we're not doing things right."

"What do you mean?" I ask, confused. I don't know what else needs to be done besides having sex every day and all the time.

"I think we need to take it more seriously. Follow some guidelines, do some research, and make a plan."

"Carlos, we're trying to have a child, not creating a project," I say, annoyed.

"Yes, but so far, it hasn't worked. Let's change our approach," Carlos explains, turning off the television. "Trust me, if we follow what I have in mind, next month you'll be pregnant."

"Alright," I say, unbuttoning his shirt. "When do we start?"

"Now," Carlos says, kissing me. He removes my hand from his shirt and stands up, offering me his hand. "Let's research more about the subject and create a plan. Project Baby will be a success."