Boy or a girl?

I open my eyes and find myself sitting on the couch in my living room. I feel my arms heavy and a sucking sensation on my right breast. I look down and find the most beautiful sight I have ever seen in my life: a baby with straight black hair falling on his forehead, his eyes closed as he nurses on my breast, my son. I touched his hair, and his face, and watched his cheeks turn pink. I feel complete, pure, and at peace. I look at his little outfit - it's a boy. A beautiful boy.



I wake up fulfilled and excited. I look at Carlos, who is peacefully sleeping, but my excitement won't let me leave him alone. So, I start shaking my husband until he opens his eyes, startled. He immediately touched my belly.



"Are you okay? Is our child okay?" he asks.



"He will take after your family... it's a boy," I said, happy.



"What do you mean? How do you know?"



"Because I dreamt about him," I replied, calmly.



"Dalia, it was just a dream, a dream after a full meal," Carlos says, smiling.



"I know what I'm talking about," I said, putting my hand on my throat. I felt my stomach burning, nausea... "And speaking of a full meal..."



I rush to the bathroom, morning sickness welcoming me to another day of being pregnant.

****

Two months later...



It still feels surreal to say that I'm pregnant. I go to the baby's room, and it's still the same—no motivation to buy clothes for my son, due to the nausea and exhaustion I feel. The truth is, doubt is eating me up... countless sleepless nights, just thinking... The days are spent sitting at the computer, trying to write to X. But what should I say? "X, our night was so wonderful that we might have a child. Maybe, because he could also be my husband, whom I slept with the next day..." And Carlos? What if this child isn't his? What if X decides to claim the child? What am I going to do?



"I won't be able to go to the ultrasound," Carlos confessed from the other side of the table. He handed me a glass and the nausea medication, which has become my best friend. "They scheduled a meeting with the Japanese at the same time. You know, new agreements."



"That's okay," I quickly responded. I'm not willing to argue about what the first ultrasound is and how important it is. I don't have the energy or the stomach for that. I take the medication as quickly as I can. "I'll ask my mom to take me."



"Alright," Carlos says, approaching and kissing my forehead. "I'm sorry. Do you want me to bring you something to eat? Something really strange?"



"No, just thinking about it makes me nauseous," I replied, feeling sick.



Indeed, ever since I got pregnant, I've been constantly nauseous. Instead of gaining weight, I've only been losing.



"Your mom has arrived," Carlos announced, snapping me out of my thoughts. He stands behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, touching my belly. "You look beautiful."



"You're a terrible liar," I said, pulling away from him.



I look in the mirror, and I'm skin and bones, very different from the curvy Dalia that Carlos fell in love with... the one that made X lose control... no one tells you that not everything is beautiful in pregnancy.

***

The strong heartbeat of the baby fills the room, bringing joy to my mother and me. I smile as I look at the monitor. I know that normally the sex of the baby can't be determined in the first ultrasound, but it's the missing piece for my visit to the obstetrician. Rúbia smiles, satisfied with the baby's heartbeat. Then she looks at me and asks:



"Do you want to know the sex of your baby?"



"Of course," I answered without hesitation. I'm very anxious to know the sex of my baby, even though I feel like I'll be the mother of a boy. "I need proof."



She places the ultrasound device on my belly, and I look at my mother, who holds my hand, anxious. It didn't take long, although it felt like an eternity to me. She managed to get a good image, and then the proof I needed appeared: I would be the mother of a boy.



"Congratulations, Mom," Rúbia congratulates. "Now get dressed because we need to talk."



I get dressed, worried. Did she see something during the ultrasound? I finished getting dressed and sat next to my mother, waiting for Rúbia to finish analyzing my tests.



"Is my son okay?" I asked, anxious. I hate suspense, always have, and now I hate it even more.



"Your son is doing great," Rúbia assures me. "I'm concerned about you and your weight loss. How have you been eating?"



"Well, I..."



"She's been quite nauseous, doctor," my mother interrupts. "Nothing stays in her stomach; she's always lying down... I've told her that pregnancy is not an illness, but she... She hasn't even bought baby clothes."



"This condition of discomfort may be due to the low amount of nutrients you have been absorbing since you've been experiencing so much nausea," Rúbia explains. "I will wait for you to reach five months, and then we'll decide what to do about your nutrition. Until then, I ask that you try your best to eat."



"Alright," I said, uninterested. All I want is a photo of the ultrasound with the sex of my son to show Carlos.



"Now for the good part," Rúbia announced, finally handing me the photo. "Congratulations, and I hope Daddy loves the news too."



"No doubt he will love it," I replied happily.



I admire the photo of my son on the way home, completely ignoring my mother's words that it would be best if I stayed at her house since it's much closer to the hospital, and if I had any problems, it would be easier for me to get help there, and Carlos leaves me alone for long periods... She's right, but I don't want to give in. I enjoy the freedom I've gained, and living with them, in my opinion, would be a step back.



I enter the house and immediately start preparing everything for when Carlos arrives and receives the big news. In two hours, everything was ready. I wait for him to arrive, and then the door opens.



As soon as Carlos sees me, he smiles eagerly, just as I do. He approaches and kneels, kissing my belly. He spends some time talking to the baby, then he stands up and kisses me.



"Hey, stranger," he says, smiling. "How was the ultrasound?"



"Hey, stranger," I replied, happy. "It was great. Come, let's have dinner."



Carlos sits in his seat, and then I approach him with his plate. I place it in front of him, and he looks at me confused. Inside is a light blue envelope with "To Daddy" written on it. I sat in my seat, looking at my husband, anxious. Carlos opens the envelope carefully and takes out the ultrasound photo.



"This is the first photo... of our little boy," I announced, radiantly.



"So, you mean...?"



"Yes, Carlos... we will have a beautiful baby boy," I replied.



He stands up from his seat, kneels next to me, and touches my belly, moving.



"Hey, little guy. Know that your mother and I love you and can't wait for you to join us. My son."