Starting Over: A Last Chance for Love

Yes, I still remember how it felt to be left by X at the airport. As far as I knew, he liked me. However, I couldn't live forever at that moment; it was necessary to start. Or rather, to start over. So, the second decision I made was to leave MAMA AFRICA. It didn't make sense to stay in a place that would only bring bitter memories and the terrible possibility of running into him. However, as soon as I arrived at the NGO, I learned that Filomena had also resigned, and I needed to stay a little longer until someone was found to take our places. I took it upon myself to select the next "Dalia," and I made sure to choose someone completely different in appearance. Perhaps it was a way for me to become unforgettable in that place...

I won't lie; it was tough working at MAMA without Filomena. I tried calling her several times, but she never returned my calls. I even went to her house, but coincidentally, she had gone on vacation. The message to me was clear: she didn't want contact, and I had to respect that. Finally, after three long months of living with the possibility of X showing up at any moment, the training of my replacement came to an end.

The third decision I made was to change careers once again. One of the things that MAMA undoubtedly gave me was the opportunity to discover that I'm good with real estate. So, I entered the real estate business as a broker. It was this new job that also led me to make the fourth decision: enrolling Juan in daycare. I could no longer allow my parents to take care of him for the sake of our relationship.

And as for the first decision? Well, it was made at a table outside Mallorca, under the watchful eyes of Carlos and Elson. I can still see myself sitting there with the pen and the fate of my marriage in my hands. I look at my husband one last time and say:

"I won't sign." I decline, placing the pen on the table, while I observe my husband's saddened face. "However, it's not because I believe this is the end for us. If I sign this, it will be the end for us. We'll postpone this marriage for another month until you forget about the things that are here."

"I swear I won't forget," Carlos assures, trying to touch my hand, but I pull away.

"You will," I assert with conviction.

"Then what do you suggest?" Carlos asks, sounding desperate. "Tell me, and I'll do whatever you want."

"If this is our last chance, we have to make it worth it. We need to go all in," I begin, while also reflecting on my words. "I feel like we've tried almost everything."

"Please, Dalia. Please, don't say that," Carlos pleads. "Don't say it's over."

"It's not over for me," I say, shaking my head. "There's still one last thing we should try."

"What is it?" Carlos asks, curious.

"Couples therapy," I reply, looking at my husband, who despises the word "therapy." "So, are you willing?"

"For you, I'll do anything," my husband responds.
***
Couples therapy wasn't exactly how I imagined it. What I had in mind was that the therapist, in this case, chose Valeria, a woman with short black hair in her fifties, who would help us find a way to fix our relationship. But the first thing she said when we sat down for the first session was:

"If you're seeking couples therapy as a last resort because one of you is already considering divorce, I'm sorry to inform you that it will probably have the opposite effect. Don't get me wrong, but I don't have a magic formula to solve your problems... What I'll do for you is align both of your expectations and try to find common ground. And no, I'm not talking about your child."

My urge at that moment was to get up and leave. However, it was my idea, and I wouldn't back down. So I looked at Carlos, and we agreed to continue. I thought it couldn't get any worse than it already was. I was wrong...

As we attended the sessions, I felt like we were drifting further apart, and it even seemed like Valeria only opened her mouth to cause more friction between us. After each session, I felt like our marriage was already over. Until that session when Valeria sat down with us and said it was the last one, and she already had a clear understanding of our marriage. In other words, she already had a verdict for us:

"After all the sessions, I must say that the level of wear and tear in the relationship indicates that it would be best for you both to put an end to the relationship," Valeria reveals, shaking her head. "Desire brought you together, as it does with all couples. However, I see that you skipped several stages that are necessary for a healthy relationship. We're talking about two people who, before living together, had their habits, priorities, and ways of living their lives individually, and suddenly, they were married and living together. Of course, conflicts would arise. However, I must admit that a series of situations have led you to this point. Dalia, I noticed that all the major decisions in this relationship were "forced" by you. You imposed all your desires, castrating Carlos, in a way."

"Great, so the failure of my marriage is my fault. Perfect!" I say, irritated.

"No, it's both of your faults, but I'm trying to explain that the way you impose decisions without opening up for dialogue with Carlos has also brought you both to my office. I see that you have difficulty respecting his limitations, Carlos' time to act. It has been evident since the beginning of the relationship. You need to learn to share the burden with your partner, understand when to compromise, and, above all, accept each other's decisions."

"Fine," I say seriously.

"Carlos, as for you... it seems you're unwilling to listen, you avoid conversations, and you maintain the same behavior in the face of Dalia's complaints or observations. Besides, you're maintaining the same pace you had when you were single. Your expectations and desires are of a single person, but now you have a family, the one you begged Dalia for and have now left behind. Every time you broke a promise, you caused disbelief in your partner."

"What do you suggest we do?" Carlos asks, nervously.

"Well, the best thing is to bury this way of relating," Valeria replies. "Let's start over."

"Okay, start over," Carlos repeats.

"However, this time we'll completely change the way you act. Imagine that you're in a car, where Dalia is behind the wheel, and Carlos is on the pedals. Now, let's switch positions," Valeria says, receiving confused looks from both of us. "To explain it better: at the beginning of the relationship, Dalia was the one pursuing, creating situations for you both to be together and even for the marriage. Now, let Carlos do things his way."

"From what point?" I ask, curious.

"From everything. You'll go through all the stages again. As far as you've told me, Carlos is at a friend's house..."

"Yes, I'm at my friend Elson's house, but I'm still working on the project in Portugal."

"Great. And Dalia is still at the couple's apartment, right?"

"Yes," I confirm, still not understanding where she's going with this.

"Your marriage ended in this session," the therapist asserts. "The Dalia and Carlos who came in here with this baggage will also stay. As soon as you leave through that door, you'll be two single people willing to explore the world."

"And when can we see each other again?" I ask.

"That will depend solely on Carlos," Valeria responds. "He will decide whether he wants to get to know you again."

I look at Carlos, who is now staring at the therapist. At this moment, I'm in his hands.