Crossroads of Reflection: A Dinner Invitation
I open the door to my house and find only darkness and emptiness. I close the door slowly as I let my hair down, take off my shoes, and then walk to my bedroom, where I finally remove the dress. I enter my bathroom, wash my face, and lean on the sink as I observe my reflection. Faint wrinkles appear at the corners of my eyes, I have dark circles, a lost look, worry lines on my forehead... tiredness... the woman in the mirror doesn't even resemble me, or who I used to be. I look at least ten years older than I really am. Where is Dália? That determined girl who always knew what she wanted... Where did she go? Dália, either all or nothing... Who didn't allow herself to suffer... to fall in love... to love someone other than herself... Where are you? Where am I?
I take a quick shower and lie down on my bed, watching the hours pass slowly on my bedside clock... I see the night turn into the day slowly... I hear my phone ringing in the distance, but my body chooses to stay in bed, my eyes watch the hours pass, and my mind concludes that it's my mother calling because Carlos undoubtedly informed her of the latest drama I caused... I watch the day fade away... the hours pass... I hear my phone ringing... over and over again.
My phone rings again, and then I get up and walk towards the living room, where I left my bag. I pick up my still ringing phone, and on the screen, there's an unknown number:
"Hello?" I answer, rubbing my face.
"Good evening... Sweetie," X says from the other end of the line. "Sorry, good evening, Dália. The force of habit."
"What's up, X?" I ask, annoyed.
"Are you okay?"
"Fine. And you?"
"Well... would you like to have dinner with me?"
"X... It's not a good idea," I reply, running my hand through my hair.
"Dália... I understand that you may be apprehensive after everything that happened..."
"Apprehensive? You say that because you weren't the one who received only a farewell note in return."
"Dália... I'm not happy or proud of my behavior, but I tried to limit our relationship so it wouldn't be so painful for you. I didn't succeed. You were hurt, and I'm sorry. I can't go back in time and do things differently. I sincerely doubt I would if I could. I'm alone in Switzerland, and I can't get you out of my head. I think we need to give ourselves a chance to try to understand what's going on with our feelings, even if it all ends in friendship. That's why I'm asking you to have dinner with me."
"I don't know, X."
"Please, Dália. For both of us..." X pleads.
"I think it's better not to. I have some problems..."
"You know I'm a good listener. Who better than me to understand you?"
"Let's leave it for another day..."
"I'll do better; as proof of how well I know you, I'll reserve a table for eight o'clock in my name at the hotel restaurant."
"How can you be so sure that I'll go?" I ask curiously.
"Because I know you better than anyone," X replies. "Well, I have to hang up now. See you soon, Doce."
It doesn't take long for the line to go silent, leaving me with only the strong beats inside my chest.
***
I sit on my bed and look towards my small closet, with my clothes mixed with Carlos's, not my fault, he always had this terrible habit of putting his things anywhere. I lightly touch the white linen sheet as my mind raises hypotheses about what might happen if I accept X's invitation. Or what might happen if I don't go... Deep down, I know I shouldn't go... but I want to go... But I shouldn't go... why can't I go? It could just be a dinner among long-time friends... With X, it's never just a dinner...
I get up from the bed and start organizing my closet, putting Carlos's clothes in their proper place, and feeling his scent... then I remember... him laughing with her... let me get into the elevator...
The choice was quite simple... he chose... he stayed.
I look at my side of the closet, admiring some dresses, and then a slight smile appears as I come across the beautiful white dress with long sleeves, a plunging neckline, and an elegant slit that accentuates my leg. I remember buying it in Greece on my honeymoon, hoping to one day have a dinner with Carlos that would be worth wearing it. Something that never happened, and it got lost among so many other dresses. I take it off the hanger and hold it in front of my body as I analyze my reflection in the mirror. Its length goes beyond my feet, but nothing that a beautiful gold sandal won't fix. I will also need the gold belt I bought in Greece and a low bun with braids on the sides for my hair. A light makeup, and in just a few minutes, I am ready, putting my belongings in my handbag. I stop in front of my door, admiring the photo on the bridge in Paris for a few minutes... then I open it and leave for dinner with X.
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