Unveiling Burdens

I call for a taxi, and thank God it arrives quickly enough to avoid giving X a chance to come outside and look for me. Or perhaps he wouldn't come, which wouldn't surprise me either. I slump into the backseat and close my eyes, replaying everything Pandora told me. After several minutes of mental torment, I conclude that all of it is too much for me to handle. The taxi driver finally pulls up in front of my building, and I get out, straightening my clothes. As I enter the lobby, I come face-to-face with Filomena talking to the receptionist.



“Filomena? What are you doing here?” I ask, surprised.



“Hello, Dália,” Filomena responds, eyeing my dress from yesterday. “We need to talk.”



“Filo, can't we reschedule for another day?” I ask, running my hand through my hair. “I'm exhausted.”



“I can imagine...” Filomena says there is a hint of mockery in her tone. “But we need to talk... It's a very important matter.”



“And does it have to be today? I've been trying to reach you for a long time, only to be met with your disdain. I also had important matters to discuss with you,” I say, irritated. “So, I suppose you understand why I wouldn't want to talk today.” I finish, walking past her.



“Dália,” Filo calls out loud enough to attract the attention of those present.



“What?” I ask, turning back towards her.



“We will talk today,” Filomena says, showing me the slightly yellowed and crumpled envelope, which I immediately recognize as Juan's paternity test envelope.



***

I barely open the loft door before Filomena slips inside, admiring every corner until she reaches my main living area. She touches one of my decorative pieces and then looks at me, saying:



“Wow, when you gave me your card, I confess I didn't believe you were living here... But seeing X with you made the possibility obvious.”



“I bought this place with my husband, Filomena,” I explain, moving closer to her.



“I understand...” Filomena says she is lost in thought. She takes a deep breath and then sits down, staring at me. “Dália, you can't keep living like this: married to your husband and still seeing X. It's not right.”



“Coming from the voice of experience,” I scoff, sitting on the couch opposite her. “Filomena, who are you to judge my marriage and even my involvement with X? By the way, if I recall correctly, it was you who insisted I join that damned game!”



“You have no idea how much I regret the choices I made.”



“Really? Does this regret include all the infidelity you committed against your husband before he died? Or, better yet, did this regret only come because your husband died?” I blurted it out without thinking, immediately regretting it. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that...”



“You're right to question that, because it's true,” Filomena admits, her emotions making me feel even worse about what I said. “I regret every minute of my days since Antônio passed away. I regret every second I spent in someone else's arms instead of being with him. Oh, Dália, the time I wasted believing that getting involved with others would hurt less when he was gone...”



“But there was no way for you to know he would have a brain tumor...”



“Dália, that's where you're wrong. Antônio was diagnosed a year before I met you,” Filomena reveals. “I knew well that he was going to die, and I made all those decisions fully aware that it would happen one day. When he worsened almost four years ago, I decided to step away from everything and focus solely on him. Antônio always said that when the time came, he wanted to be gazing at the blue sea of Crete in Greece. I fulfilled his wish, and we moved there, where we lived out his last moments. I wanted so badly for that to be enough for me, to fulfill him in his final moments. But instead, when Antônio was truly gone, I felt this overwhelming sense of remorse, this anguish, and this absurd desire to make amends with everyone. And that includes you, Dália.”



“Me?”



“Yes, you. You're right; I also share the blame for your situation with X,” Filomena confirms. “And for all the things that happened following that day, I told you about RED. I shouldn't have tampered with your fate.So yes, I am responsible for everything that's been happening since then.”



“Filomena, don't carry this burden with you,” I plead, looking at my friend with pity. I take a deep breath, adjusting my hair, and then continue, “After you stepped away, a lot happened...”



“As far as I know, you were planning to run away with X,” Filomena recalls, lost in thought.



“Yes, but X left me stranded at the airport,” I recount with slight apprehension.



“And are you still with him?” Filo asks, her eyes widening in my direction. “Dália...”



“Things are much more complicated than you imagine,” I say, seriously. “For starters, I didn't stay with X. After he chose his family and sidelined me, I went back to my house. Then Carlos appeared, asking for another chance, which I decided not to give him. However, Carlos persisted, we went to therapy, and we signed a postnuptial agreement to keep things from falling apart. We were happy, Filomena. I had a beautiful daughter, Marisol, and Carlos supported me greatly during the treatment I had to undergo to be able to love my daughter.”



“Postpartum depression,” Filomena concludes.



“Yes, but I overcame it. We bought this wonderful house for our family in a new phase. But when Carlos quit his job, the country went into crisis. Things got worse, and our finances... Everything turned upside down, and that's when X reappeared. But, Filomena, I chose not to be with X, even when he claimed to have divorced, to have regretted, and came back to help me...”



“Typical.”



“Until I found myself trapped, and he proposed one night with me... One night for a million euros,” I reveal.



“I hope you didn't accept,” Filomena says, looking very serious.



“I didn't accept for a million...”



“I'm glad for your decision...”



“I slept with him for three million euros.”



“Oh my God, Dália,” Filomena exclaims, outraged.



“Filomena, I needed the money... He was my last resort.”



“I'm sure you had other options.”



“Not even my father wanted to lend me that money,” I claim, shrugging. “Would you lend it? Oh, that's right, even if you could lend it, I was off your radar, and you weren't responding. So... he was my only option.”



“Can't you see he's manipulating you? He sees you as an object. He'll put your marriage at risk, and I can guarantee you this time there'll be no turning back. Not with Carlos, and certainly not with X, because as soon as he realizes you're alone, he'll undoubtedly abandon you once again,” Filomena finishes, as a tear silently slides down my face.



“Well, are you here to give me Juan's paternity test? Or to blackmail me with it?” I ask before wiping the corners of my eyes. “If you're here to blackmail me over my husband, know that it's too late, as soon he'll be my ex-husband by his choice. By the way, Saint Carlos cheated on me with Duny. He cheated on me during the MAMA period and cheated on me a few weeks ago. And I bet he's with her right now.”



“Dália, I didn't come here to blackmail you,” Filomena says, opening her purse and carefully taking out the envelope. “As I told you, I'm seeking redemption. This secret of yours is the last piece I need to finally redeem myself from everything I've done. To make things right...”



“Filomena, as I've told you, don't feel guilty or burdened by my life as if it were yours to carry. It's too late to try to fix things.”



“Dália, even if your marriage is ending, or whatever you believe, you can't keep harboring this secret. If this is the end for you all, then let nothing remain hidden. Move forward, but with the certainty that everything has been resolved. That all the gaps have been filled. And the paternity of your child is one of them,” Filomena finishes, getting up from the couch with the test in her hands.



“I don't know... I don't know if this will help. I think bringing this to light will only make things worse,” I say, staring at the envelope.



“Dália, I understand,” Filomena affirms, extending the envelope towards me. “However, do it for Carlos, for Juan, for X, and... for yourself. You all deserve the truth. You need this truth in your lives, so you can have peace and the certainty that everything is in its rightful place.”



“Do you already know... do you already know who Juan's father is?” I ask.



“No, Dália. This truth isn't for my life. I just want you to take this envelope and do what's right,” Filomena pleads. “I need peace, Dália. Please, free me from this burden...”



I lock eyes with Filomena, tears welling up, and then I take the envelope from her hands, causing her to close her eyes in relief. Filomena wipes her face, adjusts her purse, and walks towards my door without saying goodbye. Now, the burden was in my hands, and I had no idea what to do.