Ginger Fox Part 3

" If you're waiting for the ferry, you should hurry up, I think it's about to leave. — I look at her again, receiving her venomous smile.
" I'm going, and you should do the same while you still can...
" What's your problem with me? — I interrupt her, unable to stand being seen as a horror show any longer.
" I saw you yesterday, your absolute surrender to Roy. — I feel my face burn, crushing my fingers in the palms of my hands.
" You were the woman who knocked over the glass of drink, it was you! — I spit the words angrily, feeling hatred for this woman. — Aren't you ashamed of being dissimulated in front of me, looking at me like that, with an air of arrogance, when the one who was the intruder in that room was you?!
" You surrendered yourself so beautifully, that I even feel sorry for you. — She continues speaking bitter words, her mouth closing as her lips pull back at the corner, with an expression of disgust.
" I don't need your pity. I was there because I wanted to be and I'm not ashamed...
" Disgust! That's what you'll feel. — The words get mixed up in my mouth and I'm confused by what she's saying. — You'll feel disgusted with yourself, and with him, for having used you!
" You're wrong, and you're crazy. Jonathan didn't use me, I accepted everything that happened.
" Really? You accepted being Sonja's copy? — My face falls, looking at the floor, hugging myself tightly and feeling disoriented.
"I don't know what your problem with me is, but you're making things up. I don't even know who Sonja is. — The tip of my foot taps the floor as my nervousness grows.
" Jonathan's mother, the woman who turned him into that cold, heartless body.
" Look, I've had enough. — I try to get away from her to go after Baby and Jon at the market, but I'm stopped by the woman, who steps in front of me. — You're crazy! If you don't get out of my way, I'll hit you with your own purse!
" My sweet child, I'm anything but crazy. I'm not the crazy one in this story, on the contrary, I'm the only one telling you the truth. You're just a way for Jonathan to exorcise his mother.
" Look at me! Look at my color! Do you think I look like one of the Roys? Where did you get that daydream from, woman?! Why would Jonathan want to make me look like his mother... — The crazy woman starts laughing, clapping her hands and looking at me.
" You didn't see her, of course! That's why it was so easy for him to use you.
" Look, I'll be clearer this time: Jonathan didn't use me, and you're crazy. — I push her, getting her out of my way, just wanting to get away from this hateful woman.
" Sonja was black. Reimond Roy's wife was black. She had skin just like yours, even her hair is identical to hers. — I stop walking, looking at the asphalt and getting lost.
" I hadn't seen the photo of their mother, I just saw the photo of their father, by chance, in Aunt Charlotte's room. Jonathan is more reserved than Baby, neither of them has ever spoken about their mother.
" It’s not the end of the world for a white man to be born to a black woman and get involved with a woman of the same color.
" It depends. It could be the end of your world to be used to calm the anger locked up inside him for thirty years. — She throws her hair back, walking towards me.
" You’re crazy! Roy doesn’t see me as his mother, much less hates me.
" And he doesn’t even love you. Jonathan doesn’t feel anything! Not for you, not for anyone! — She raises her hand, stroking my face with the tip of her nail. I pull my face away, as if it were a snake next to me. — The only one who made him feel something was Sonja. Fear, terror, affection and disgust in the midst of the platonic love she felt for her son.
" Aren’t you ashamed to say these things about a dead woman? — I feel my fingers sweating. My heart stumbles in accelerated beats. I feel an invisible hand squeezing me from the inside, and I hold myself back so as not to fall. — That sick love she must have had was because of her lover. Jonathan feels this way about his mother because of the trauma of seeing his father kill her in front of him...
" What lover? — She laughs, shaking her head. — She didn't have any lover. There never was. Sonja wasn't with another man, I mean, that sick bitch was, but she was with her son. — Her hand presses deeper into my chest, pulling me towards madness as she speaks. — Reimond entered that room and saw her sweaty, with the oily skin of someone who had just had sex, but he knew what had happened and was distraught. I know because I bought the camera inside the bear...
" What bear?
" The bear that recorded Sonja raping Jonathan inside the closet. Only God knows how many times she did that. — My head spins, everything around me spins. — That bitch was a crazy freak!
I feel the air running out of my lungs. I lift my fingers, bringing them to my head, squeezing them tightly, refusing to believe in such a monstrosity.
“That’s why he found you useful. If Sonja had stolen his emotions, maybe he thought that by bringing up the past, and using you as her copy, he could thaw that dead heart. But he can’t. No one can make Jonathan feel anything. He died inside. The proof is that he’s dead.
The thing is, he doesn't feel guilty for having used you for this purpose.
It's a lie. She's lying, pouring venom with every word. Jonathan can't be so cold as to do something so cruel to me! My slow steps take me away from her. I rub my face in agony. It has to be a lie! I need it to be a lie, because if it's true, Jonathan will have destroyed my soul the moment he made me out to be an abominable woman.
Everything is taking shape... The photograph in the cabin of the interracial couple, the fact that Baby never uses the word mother, that no one in that house talks about her...
"We can't talk about this with Jonathan, just believe me. There are things that should stay in the past... Please, believe me! I didn't push Bob, and I'm protecting Roy."
That's why Baby doesn't tell him about the suspicions that Bob is molesting Jon. She
doesn't want to trigger Roy, that's why she says she's protecting him.
“Baby’s sudden sitting up makes me look at her, who stares at me, her face as pale as before.
“What closet?” She purses her lips, making me feel ashamed of the look she gives me.”
I cover my mouth in terror. I see nothing in front of me, only my destruction. It’s a game! Just a game! And I’ve been used like a piece on an old board.
When the door opens, you can come in.
My body shrinks and I hug myself as tight as I can, knowing when Jonathan used me. That closet, in the first game, was intentional. The anger with which he took me, the brutality of each thrust, which my body received as desire, was hatred, it was a way for him to punish her through me. The dress the woman in the photograph was wearing is the same one he made me wear for him, so it was familiar. My knee drops to the floor and I vomit everything I have inside my stomach, contracting my guts with each gulp that leaves my throat, disgusted by him and her. I feel disgusted, especially with myself. I stand up, wiping my mouth, moving in a desperate rush. I want to get out of here, I want to go home, I want to disappear and never come back.
“I'm going to hurt you, Gim. My demons from the past, which I carry with me, will hurt you so deeply, that you won't want to have me by your side.”
"My eyes narrow between the tears. I'm dying inside, feeling the monstrous mark they placed on my soul."