Ginger Fox Part 2

“Gim, I...” Her red face, with tear-filled eyes, lifts to mine, her lips pressed together as she cries.

“I’m so sorry, Baby. I’m sorry for the way I acted and the things I said...” I take the tray from her hand, noticing the cup of coffee and two pieces of toast arranged with a delicate flower in the corner. “I don’t have the right to question your choices about what was and is best for Jon.”

I place the tray at the foot of the bed, returning my gaze to her as I face her. My fingers hold hers between mine, gently caressing her hand.

“I’ve never felt or would ever feel disgusted by you, nor was I angry. I’m so sorry, Baby.”

Her body is already pressed against mine, her sobs filling the room. I hold her tightly, letting her know that her friendship is important to me, that the bond we’ve built over these weeks will be everlasting. I don’t want her to distance herself from my life.

“Forgive me... Forgive me, Gim. I should have told you... I should have told you before Sodom.” Baby wraps her arms around me tighter, burying her face in my shoulder, sobbing through the tears.

“It’s okay...”

I let her cry, knowing she needs this release as much or more than I needed it yesterday in Jonathan’s office. I gently guide her to the bed, making her sit down, then return to remove the tray from the foot of the bed and take it to the dresser. I glance at the empty dresser. I think Roy took the other tray with him when he left the room after forcing me to drink that juice. I return to the bed, sitting on the other side, feeling the pain that seeps through her crying. She is no longer the glamorous blonde curled up next to me on the bed. As I lie down and move closer to her, she is just a fragile, completely lost, and hurt woman. My arms stretch across her waist, moving my face close and resting my forehead against hers, letting her know I’m here and that she can take her time to free her soul through the tears she sheds. No matter how long it takes, I’ll remain here.

“You were right about Jon,” she whispers quietly after a long time of crying when she’s calm.

I place one hand under my head, looking at her sad face with red, swollen eyes.

“No, Baby. I’m not. You had your reasons for distancing yourself from him; you did what you thought was best for him.” My other hand on her waist stretches to brush a strand of her blonde hair away from her face, leaving it exposed. “You did what any mother would do, putting your son’s future above your own.”

“It was fear. I wasn’t a mother, I wasn’t the father. I silenced my voice that screamed inside me to stay with him; you were right when you said that. I abandoned the only person who needed me.” She closes her eyes, shaking her head slowly from side to side. “I failed Jon; I thought it would be safer for him to be away from me, away from what I am, and yet evil reached him.”

“It’s not your fault.” I hold her fingers between mine, squeezing gently. “Whatever is happening with Jon, it’s not your fault...”

“It is, Gim. Evil has always been linked to this family... And I didn’t protect my son from it, just like no one protected us.”

Baby speaks of her mother; something inside me knows this. I now understand why Baby doesn’t refer to her as mother. Baby didn’t have a maternal figure. Aunt Charlote, even though upset with Baby, shows her affection for the blonde when she looks at her and reflects her care for Jonathan in every smile when she sees him, but she is still not their mother. The evil Baby refers to is the betrayal of her mother, which triggered all the misfortune of the siblings, and that’s why she considers herself toxic and felt unfit to be Jon’s mother at the time.

“Baby, you’re not to blame. Not for Jon or for your past.” I bring our hands close to my heart, not taking my eyes off hers. “Evil is everywhere; it can’t be controlled, only avoided.”

“How did you end up here, Gim?” She uses her other hand to wipe her face, breathing calmly. “How did you end up in the midst of this sick family?”

I laugh, shaking my head, drawing a half-smile from her.

“You’re not sick, Baby.” I rub the tip of my nose against the side of her finger, smiling at her. “You’re not a freak. You’re you, Baby.”

I stretch my legs, which are curled up, stretching out on the bed as she turns onto her back.

“I had a boyfriend once, right after Baby was born.” I cover my mouth, yawning and turning my face to her. My bright eyes are fixed on the ceiling as I watch the chandelier.

“And how was it?”

“He was handsome. We met in Ibiza; I still remember that day. We were together for two months, and I knew that at some point I’d have to tell him the truth, because eventually, he would want to see me naked.”

We both laugh as she raises her eyebrows in a funny gesture.

“Troy used to send me flowers, jewelry, messages...”

“Well, that only makes him perfect. Tom only used to send me bill reminders when he forgot to pay the bills,” I say with a laugh, watching her roll her eyes and let out the laugh I love so much.

“Tom is a real jerk.” Her hand taps mine, holding my fingers once more.

“That he is, I know. Now I want to hear about Troy.” She takes a deep breath, looking back up at the ceiling.

“Well, Troy was more than excited and surprised me before I could literally surprise him, by telling the truth about the surprise toy he had between my legs.” She laughs, without a trace of happiness, and I can already imagine how her story will end.

“Did he try to hurt you?” I sit on the bed, looking at Baby’s face. I had read some headlines in the newspaper about transgender women being severely beaten or killed when discovered by their partners.

“No, on the contrary. He did everything a woman dreams of, from red roses to candlelit dinners. He took me dancing and when we got to his apartment...” Baby closes her eyes again, hiding her sadness. “God, it was filled with red roses scattered everywhere. When I saw him kneeling in front of me, I was in shock and started crying uncontrollably, unable to stop.”

Troy had fallen head over heels for the glamorous blonde, so beautiful and exotic. And Baby felt lost for not having told him the truth, letting it get to this point. Lies are never healthy or beneficial; at some point, the truth comes out, and everything built on sand is swept away by the tide.

“When I stopped crying, I realized that this would never be for me. The roses, the romance, the love... I wouldn’t have that fairy tale.” Her eyes open, lost, focusing on my face. “He was quite a gentleman when he asked me to leave his apartment, without looking at my face after I told him the truth.”

“Did you ever try again?”

“There was no place for me, Gim. I didn’t fit as a heterosexual person or as a homosexual one. A trans person is judged and condemned by everyone who thinks a transvestite is the same as a transgender person.” I don’t know what to say; the truth is I’ve never fully understood the difference between the two terms.

“I confess I’ve never seen the labels. Men, women, gays, lesbians, transvestites, trans people... I always see everyone as human beings, regardless of their choices.” I smile at her, trying to show that I love her in every way. “Even if I never fully understand the difference between a trans person and a transvestite.”

“And that’s what makes you special to me, Gim. Because you saw me, you just saw me.” Baby turns, arranging herself on the bed and pulling my hand so I can lie down next to her again. “Let me explain: a transgender woman was born male but doesn’t feel like one. We undergo gender transition, using feminine clothes, hormone therapy, and eventually, some decide on sex reassignment surgery. Transvestites, although they have the same desire to resemble the opposite sex and invest in feminine clothes and hormones, retain the male genitalia.” My eyes move between us, letting my gaze linger on her groin before looking back at her. “Transvestites are men who know they are men but present themselves socially as women.”

“Did you ever think about undergoing the transition?”

“Yes, at times I thought about it, but I didn’t want it. I didn’t think I needed surgery to define my gender; I just needed the courage to accept myself, to know who I am, even if never accepted by others, until one day I found my place.”

“Was that when Sodoma came into your life?” Baby nods, confirming my question. With a calmer look, a new side of her is presented to me at this moment, without lies, fears, or barriers, just a fragile human being like me.

“When I asked Jonathan to let me in, he was silent for three days, giving me no sign that he would give me his permission,” she sighs, rolling her eyes. “Until one day, when I was about to give up, he handed me the invitation. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so good in a place like I did there...”

Her hand rises, smoothing my hair and smiling. I feel the sweet aroma coming from her skin with a scent of strawberries, which seems to belong only to her.