Jonathan Roy

“Does she hate me, doesn’t she?” I finish adjusting the clean tie on my collar and let my eyes check if it’s straight while I adjust the blazer of my suit.

“No.” I walk to my desk, opening the drawer, pulling out the damp tie from my pocket, and putting it away.

“I saw her eyes. She feels disgusted by me... I don’t blame her; I was a coward with Jon and with her.” Sitting in the chair, I pull out the first folder of documents waiting for my signatures.

“She doesn’t feel disgusted by you, Baby.” I sign the document after a quick read. The new oil extraction has given us a privileged cash closing. “Miss Fox is just upset. You did what you thought was best for your child at the time.”

“No, Jonathan. I made the decision to distance myself from him out of fear. Fear of bringing him into this world of mine. And Gim, she sees me as an abomination. I know, Jon would see me that way too...” Baby walks, stopping near the desk, making the empty chair next to her move. “She will want to leave, she will leave us, leave Jon, and it’s my fault. And he will want to distance himself even more from us...”

I divert my gaze from the documents, focusing now on Baby’s tearful face, with her red, distressed eyes and her fingers tightening, agitated. The only decision I didn’t interfere with was Baby’s relationship with Jon. It was her choice to omit her parenthood, preferring to watch him grow from a distance, becoming his aunt. We didn’t have a family base or structure to model ourselves after. Baby had left his upbringing on my shoulders and Aunt Charlote’s until Jon reached school age. Sending him to a boarding school was my choice. I couldn’t deal with Lorane’s delusions and scandal threats with a child in the house. When this year’s summer approached, Baby informed me she wanted her child close, that it was time to bring Jon home. Jon was the last Roy descendant, and he would be the one to run everything after I was gone. But Miss Fox’s discovery had destabilized Baby. Gim made Baby see the guilt eating her from within for having distanced herself from her son. And the fear of losing Miss Fox was destroying her.

“Are you in love with her, Baby?” My back relaxes against the upholstery as I spin the pen between my fingers.

Baby diverts her gaze to the window, letting her fingers move to her hair as she pushes it back. I’ve never seen Baby like this, anxious and frightened. These are not Baby’s traits but James’s.

“I’ve grown fond of her, if that’s what you want to know.” Baby releases the air, closing her eyes. “She saw me, Roy. Ginger really saw me, and I like having her around. Her friendship, her joy, the light that radiates from her infects me.” A calm smile appears on her face when she opens her eyes, turning her face to me.

“That wasn’t the question. Answer!”

“Yes! Is that what you want to hear?! The answer is yes! There are many ways to love someone, Jonathan, and I love her in all those ways.” She relaxes her body, shifting her weight as she takes another step towards the desk. “And don’t give me that look, not when I know you’re also in love with her. The difference between us is that I really see her. And when you look at Ginger, you only see that...”

“Watch your words, Baby. Keep in mind your smooth neck without bruises when you speak.”

The soft click of the pen between my fingers occurs as I release my grip on the material. I turn it, crushing it in my hand, staring at Baby.

“Just say what you want, I have work to do.” Baby lowers her eyes, fixing them on the floor.

“I need to talk to her, I need her to listen to me, to understand that I never wanted to hurt Jon...”

“Later. You’re not going after her right now.” I shake my head, returning to the paperwork.

“I heard her screams in the hallway when you dragged her in here. Tell me you weren’t harsh with her, like you always are with everyone who finds out about this.”

I relax my grip on the pen, letting my gaze fall on the empty chair next to Baby.

“It depends on the point of view,” I whisper intrigued, looking at the furniture. Her sweet scent is still lingering in the room, from the walls to my suit blazer.

“She’s just curious, not nosy, and I’m sure Gim won’t make any kind of scandal that could tarnish the family’s name or your business.” The scent is still on my skin, still on the blazer, clouding my mind. “I’ve seen you, Roy. I know you would crush her between your hands, as if Gim were an insect...”

Why didn’t I swap it out?

The question pounds in my brain, making me tune out from what Baby is saying. I notice that I’ve changed the tie, the pants, which got stained with Ginger’s squirting, my shirt covered in sweat, but I hadn’t changed the blazer. It still carries her scent, it’s fresh. I move my eyes to my arms, looking at the black fabric, which exudes Ginger’s aroma, because her scent makes me agitated, as if it’s stirring something locked away in my mind.



***




“Oh my God, I can’t feel my legs.” The small body recoils with low murmurs, curling up and rubbing her arms.

I toss the tape into the trash can, put the tie in my pocket, and turn back to the small woman sitting in the chair. Her sweaty face and disheveled hair match her disheveled appearance. I pull the belt from the table, looping it around my waist and returning it to its place. The loose lace on the floor is picked up when I grab it, approaching her. I stretch her leg, adjusting her foot to rest on my bent knee.

“My feet are numb.” I raise my eyes, seeing her cover her face while laughing, pulling her leg muscles back. “God, who taught you to tie knots like this?”

I focus, threading the lace through each hole of the sneaker, putting it back as it was when I removed it.

“I was in the scout group when I was a kid.” I pass the lace over, then thread the other one underneath. I see the deep marks left on her ankle. I know they’ll be there for a few more days, and I feel okay with that.

“Do they teach restraint knots in the junior scout groups?” Her teasing laughter comes out softly, amid whispers.

“No, I perfected that over time. I could have used Hellermann tape, but since you don’t stay still, the hard plastic might cut your skin.” I finish tying the sneaker, letting the tip of my finger touch the mark the lace made on her ankle.

When I lift my gaze to her face, I’m caught by the curious black pearls staring at me.

“Thank you.” The red lips, still marked by the tape and the tie, whisper, forming a small smile as she falls silent.

“You’re welcome. It’s just a knot, Miss Fox.” I release her foot, placing it on the ground, standing upright, feeling uncomfortable with the sweet way she looks at me. She lets out a new laugh, this time relaxed and gentle.

“As for the lace, I would have had to fix it anyway, since you were the one who took it off.” Gim stands up, her leg faltering as she steadies her weight on the floor. “I would probably end up begging you to do it, since my motor skills haven’t returned yet.” Her upturned nose twists, moving the rounded tip. She raises her fingers, pushing her stubborn hair back behind her ear, looking at me shyly. “Actually, I said thank you referring to the fact that you chose not to hurt me with the plastic tape.”

She’s strange. Her curiosity mixes with her delicate and feisty essence at the same time. My eyes stay fixed on her face, observing the side of her lips as she bites them, when she averts her gaze from mine, using her cascading black hair to hide.