Ginger Fox

I walk slowly, dragging my steps, watching the drops from my soaked clothes drip onto the floor. I’m cold, wet, my body trembling, but I don’t feel it. I feel nothing but the pain inside my heart. My fingers press harder against my chest in the silent hall. The sound of the rain pouring uncontrollably on the roof echoes through the walls. This mansion, these walls, have never felt so suffocating.
"Gim!" Soft fingers grab my shoulder, rubbing quickly, with their nervous breath. "God! You’re freezing! Gim, where have you been? We’ve been looking for you all day! Jonathan searched this whole island for you... Gim, look at me, is that blood?"
Her hand touches my fingers, but I just shrink back, clutching my closed hands against my chest.
"LIRA! Gim, look at me, your hands are bleeding... God, where the hell is that woman?!"
My eyes don’t leave the floor, I just press my fingers harder against my chest. I’m paralyzed, numb, and only the tears running down my face remind me I’m alive.
"What happened, Gim? Please... Who did this? God, Lira! Bring a damn blanket!" Baby’s screams are muffled by my pain.
Everything is silenced, like giant waves crashing over me. I see them coming fast and strong, dragging me with their currents, but I can’t save myself, I’m frozen. Warm arms wrap around my shoulders, pulling me away. I hear my heart, the lament whispering in my mind, and it’s bleeding, wounded, unable to heal. My eyes close, and I grip my fingers tightly, crushing my pain between the blood dripping from my hand.
"Gim, it’s going to be okay. Hey, trust me, we just need to warm you up." I trusted, and maybe that’s why I can’t look at her face.
Baby knows. All this time, from the beginning, Baby knows. But I can’t scream, I can’t pull this pain out of me. It’s consuming me, silencing my voice, coiling deep inside me like a serpent.
"Please, Gim, look at me!" My body is lowered and I’m sat near a fireplace. "I’ll warm you up, okay? Jonathan is on his way. God! We thought of so many things! Roy is out of control because we couldn’t find you..."
Baby kneels in front of me, rubbing my shoulders, but I don’t feel cold, I don’t feel anything. My eyes recognize this rug, the walls that mock me without needing to look at them, nor at the leather chair near the desk. My eyes close, squeezing my fingers tightly against my chest, wanting to tear every corner of my body. Betrayal and lies are like filth in the sewer; eventually, they resurface, sting, and destroy. My legs move, bringing my knees closer, supporting my head.
My legs won’t stop, won’t let me stop. I’ll die if my body remains still. The wind, the sound of the waves, everything is fading, just fragments breaking apart, making me aware of what’s been done. Like a silent plea from my desperate heart, I only stop when I’m in front of the secluded cabin. The stone is firm in my trembling fingers before I throw it at the door, shattering the glass near the lock. I don’t care about the sharp splinters that pierce my skin, nor the cut on my fingers as I reach inside to unlock the door, amidst the shards of glass. I don’t feel the tears, I just need to open the damn door, and when I finally do, I cross the small space and lift the photo frame with my injured fingers. I’m dying here, every second staring at her. It’s not just my color, it’s the eyes, the hair, the mouth, every feature of hers is the same as mine. The dress on her body makes me scream in disgust at what I’ve done, what I allowed and accepted, even though I had no idea what I was involved in. The pearl necklace around her neck makes my throat burn, as if I could feel the delicate pearls tattooed on my skin. I collapse to the floor, clutching the photo and seeing what I’ve become. Everything is a lie, everything is fragile and manipulable. My mind shut down when I stood by his side. I didn’t see him, didn’t see the truth in his blue sapphires, I only saw what I wanted to see, what he allowed me to notice. The box stacked next to me tumbles, scattering several papers from it. Amidst my tears, I see the stamp of a mental institution on an old yellow sheet. I pull it out and read the small name of the patient: Sonja Roy.
"Based on studies and examinations, the patient has demonstrated an inability to express emotions. During some tests that provoke emotions, she showed facial and verbal responses consistent with what others expect. However, when analyzing her autonomic activity, it’s inconsistent with these responses, meaning her bodily sensations don’t match her actions. She exhibits a severe lack of empathy for the pain others feel, often unaware that her actions are causing pain and distress to her roommates. She refuses to take responsibility for her actions, lacks remorse, and feels no guilt. I emphasize that her discharge is neither advisable nor healthy for her and those around her.
Clinical report: Severe Antisocial Psychopathy."

The disclaimer at the bottom of the page is signed by her spouse: Reimond Roy. Their father had unleashed the monster that would destroy Jonathan’s life, leaving him as cold and dead as she was. I gave in, I lost myself, and the only one I can truly blame is me. Betrayal is a blind beginning, and I betrayed myself, surrendered to the charms of what he did to me, failing to see the truth right in front of me. My eyes close, pouring out all the pain that envelops me, leaving only the tears I push out. There is no more time, no more hours; everything is frozen around me, everything remains cold and dark, snuffing me out like a candle in the wind.
"Where is she?" My body curls up tighter, crying softly, muffling my sobs into my knees.
The sound of his footsteps is heavy, storming through the office. I shrink away. I don’t want his touch, I don’t want anything more that belongs to him. I want my life, I want to forget his eyes, his voice, I want to forget what he did to me. His large hand stops on my shoulder, gripping tightly, and it only makes me retreat further. His arms are like steel, a nervous grip as he pulls me up, pressing me against his chest. His face is hot amidst his agitated breathing, burying his face in my hair like a mindless animal, crushing me until I can hear my own bones cracking. The cruel pain swallows me, the screams scratching my throat like the claws of a wild cat, desperate to open a way out.
"Hey, little one..." They’re pieces, thin slices he takes from me as he whispers in my ear, and I’m dying. Dying slowly. The arms I sought refuge in last night are the same ones that now hurt me. "Who did this? Who hurt you?"
You! You broke me! You shattered me into pieces with your pain, and now I’m drowning in the toxic ocean that is your soul, unable to find a way to thaw myself!
"The gentle stroke in my hair makes me sigh, rubbing my face against his chest, looking at him with affection.
"You like my hair, that’s why you play with it so much." He smiles, averting his eyes from mine, moving his head until his lips touch my mouth.
"I like everything about you, little Nautilus."
It was a lie, everything was a lie! Who was he looking at in that moment? Who was he searching for while he caressed my curls? He couldn’t feel, he had no remorse or pity in his eyes while he had me there, so his, inside that room. Was it me he saw, or the monster that made him just like her?
His body shifts, letting me back down to the floor, and I close up again, pressing my forehead to my knees. It’s coming, the great final wave, cruel and harsh, that will crush me, will break me, and the screams are anxious, nervous, desperate to be set free.
"Look at me, Gim." My head lifts, colliding with his deep irises. His hand grips my face, and the caresses that once took my breath away now hurt me, make me feel dirty.
His eyes fall to my fingers clenched tightly against my chest. I want to scream, I want to vomit again out of disgust for myself, out of disgust for him.
"Jonathan, let me warm her up." His head shakes no at Baby, who moves behind me. The heavy blanket she drapes over my body, over my shoulders, only buries me deeper in the grave my body has become.
I just stare at him, trying to find even a single glimmer of something real within him.
"Gim, tell us what happened..." Baby’s voice is cut off the moment his hand raises in the air, silencing her, his eyes still locked on mine.
The truth is there, written in his eyes as he watches me. His finger slides down my tear, wiping it away, knowing what brought it there. As if he knows the state he left me in, the price I paid for my curiosity, what he turned me into. Where are my dreams? Where are my desires? Where did I lose my soul? My heart knows, just as Jonathan’s dark soul does. They’re within his gaze, which stole everything for himself until nothing was left, trapping me inside that closet where I loved him and he punished me.