Ginger Fox Part 3

I threw my pillow next to Jon, lay down with him, and that night, I couldn’t close my eyes anymore. This time, I didn’t take it to Mrs. Lorane to avoid being silenced again; I did what I thought was right. On the sixth night, Jon was sleeping in my bed with me, and the door between the rooms was locked, blocked by the wardrobe that I had moved and dragged in front of the door every nightfall. I didn’t know if I could tell Baby what had happened, or if she knew about Jon’s disorder and self-harm, despite how cheerful and talkative she was around him, always showing sincere affection. Yet, the only feeling I had was that no one really cared about the harm happening here. Everyone had dark secrets hidden within the mansion’s walls.


***

“Oh my God! How do you expect to live like this?” I laugh at Baby, who is sitting next to me, watching Jon walk on the beach.
I’m happy to have finally gotten him out of the library. He’s lighter, even calmer, since the day I brought him to sleep in my room. Jon didn’t open up when I asked him if anyone was hurting him; he just raised his headphones, telling me with his gestures that he wanted to be left alone. Not wanting to press him, I decided not to ask him anymore, but I still stay alert to the signs that are happening.
“Actually, it’s not that bad…” I shrug, turning my face to her as she stares at me.
“Really?” I can’t help but laugh at the way she asks.
I’ve developed a rare affinity with Baby, that rare feeling you get when you meet someone and are sure they’ll be your best friend, almost like they’re your soulmate. Baby is mesmerizing. Not just for her beauty, but for her charisma. She speaks freely, without shame, and is spontaneous. I share with her all sorts of craziness that I used to think about but never had anyone to share with. Baby is thirty-three, has been to more places than I could in two lifetimes, even if I were reincarnated several times. She loves designing clothes, some of which she has made just for her own use. We’ve talked about everything, from the brand of birth control I’ve been taking for years to her dream of starting her own clothing line.
“Okay, maybe it’s not what you’d expect, but Tom makes me happy in his way.”
“The guy is grossed out by anal, Gim! What can you expect from him besides a frustrated sex life?” I cover my face, laughing loudly.
In a short time, I’ve shared things with Baby that I’ve never even said out loud to myself my whole life. I talked about how I felt strange for being curious about my body, about sex, and always feeling frustrated with the old, vanilla stuff Tom offers me, and she, in her unique way, didn’t make me feel like I had serious sexual disorders but just listened to me without judgment, without looking shocked, just listened. To Baby, I wasn’t inappropriate; I was just the old curious Ginger. I told her about my platonic desire for my professor during the last semester of college, how I used to imagine various moments between us, how I could be fucked on his desk or in his office. But every time the bell rang, I’d leave the classroom, and the fantasies and desires stayed there, and I’d go back happily to Tom, making him my sexy and hot professor. Baby doesn’t make me feel like a crazy person but a curious woman who wants to explore more of herself.
“Have you ever told him, Gim? Have you ever looked at Tom and said: I want a strong and rough fuck?” Baby talks about these things with such naturalness that it just makes me more comfortable to lay out my thoughts.
I never had time to make friends, neither in high school nor in college. I found it strange to communicate with other people, especially about topics like these.

“Once, we were having sex, it was good, I was hot and wanting more…” I close my eyes, remembering that day. Tom was happy, we had just bought the apartment and were euphoric. “So I asked him to give me a smack,” I whisper, lost in my memories. “Just a smack, you know? Anywhere: on my ass, my thighs, even my face if he wanted.”
“And did he smack you?” She looks at me more intently, smiling.
“No. Actually, he was completely turned off.” No matter how hard I try to forget, I can’t erase the look of disgust Tom gave me that day. “He said that a decent woman shouldn’t be asking for those things.”
“Oh my God, what a jerk!” Baby responds quickly, raising her fingers and stroking my face. I find myself drawn to her clear, vibrant eyes. I’m used to these spontaneous touches she gives. “He’s an idiot, Gim. He definitely doesn’t know what a woman really likes.”
“Tom, actually, is a good guy. He was raised the same way I was, in a traditional family. I think he’s just not ready for my fantasies.”
“It’s not about upbringing, Gim. Sexuality is innate, regardless of your gender. It’s something natural and spontaneous that blooms within us, and there’s no need to be ashamed. Sex, the union of bodies, is a beautiful thing!” Baby speaks in a low, almost purring voice.
I’m in shock, sitting on the sand next to her, with my body warm and my breathing euphoric, as if I’m waiting for her to kiss me, imagining what it would be like to feel her lips on mine. Her fingers glide over my face, gently caressing the side of my cheek in an intimate way, her gray eyes analyzing each of my reactions. I blink rapidly, still perplexed by my body’s response, receiving only a smile from her, in complicity.
“Sexuality is beautiful, little one. Don’t be ashamed.”
“It’s easy to say when you’re as beautiful as you are, Baby.” I turn my face toward Jon, not having the courage to look at her again. “What happened to Jon’s parents?” I change the subject, noticing the rhythm of her breathing shift from calm to heavy.
“James, when he was younger, got involved with a sex worker. One day, she came back with Jon, saying he was James’s son.”
“James is the father, right? Where was he when Jon was born?” Baby’s attention is now on Jon, her eyes reflecting a hint of sadness.
“James was no longer around.” I remain silent, debating whether to ask how he died or not.
“Good thing he had Mr. Roy and Mrs. Lorane to take care of him,” I respond softly, tracing patterns in the sand with my fingers.
“Actually, James also left Lorane.” I lift my gaze to Baby, not understanding. “Lorane was engaged to James when he left. Roy, out of pity for her situation, married her, just to not leave her unsupported or make a scandal.”
“Wow, I could have sworn…”
“That they loved each other?” Baby shakes her head. “I don’t think Roy ever truly loved anything in his life. He wouldn’t start with Lorane, that I can guarantee.”
“I don’t even know what to say…”