Book 1: Chapter 27

*** Solaris POV *** 



I stood outside outside the pack house, cigarette between my fingers. Numbly, I placed it up to my lips. My hands were shaking and as I exhaled, I worked the nerves out of my hands.

“You okay?”

My body reacted and I nearly jumped as Finn touched my shoulder. He sighed.

“I’ll take that as a no.”

“I’m fine, I’m fine. I just don’t like being here.”

He eyed me up and down before crushing me into a hug. “I’m proud of you today.”

I wiggled my head out of his pecks and took a drag from my cigarette. “You really shouldn’t be.”

“I mean, you could have toasted and roasted his ass right there. You’ve wanted revenge on your father for years. But you turned your back on him and prioritized Silas and Nate.”

“That man back there…that was not the man I wanted revenge on. Maybe ten years earlier I may have gotten the revenge on the man that I needed to move forward. But that man? If you can even call him that? Is a stark raving mad lunatic who’s already in his own hell. Alone, forgotten and left to rot with that whole fucking cabin.”

Finn sighed and rubbed my back. “Still, you could have, but you didn’t. You kept your brother from falling.”

Noah walked out of the pack house. He grabbed the cigarette out of my hand and took a drag.

“The head omega, Meredith, took over. She’s gonna watch the two of them till the wake up. Told her to have some buckets nearby because both of them might just throw up their entire belief system.”

I chuckled. “Thanks for helping you two. You didn’t have to.”

“Oh no, we absolutely did. Cause you don’t like to tell us shit. So how are we supposed to help when you don’t tell us.” Noah pointed the cigarette at me.

“So what now?” Finn let me go but I stayed, burying my face back in his chest.

I sighed. “We go home. There isn’t anything for us to do here. Plus, it’s Friday night.”

“You still haven’t fully recovered.”

“I can still make drinks better than you two. Even working at partial capacity.”

They laughed but we headed back down the road together. I heard someone calling my name before I saw Silas’ Gamma coming barreling towards up.

“I’m sorry…I just…didn’t think you…would leave yet…”

I chuckled. “What’s up, Sam?”

“Before Silas left to speak to the previous Alpha, he gave me this letter. Said I should get it to you.”

“Did he say in case something happens? Cause nothing happened…”

He shook his head. “No, just said to give it to you.”

I looked at the letter. It didn’t seem new. In fact, it seemed like years old. Nodding, I put it in my back pocket.

“Consider it delivered, Sam.”

He smiled and nodded, racing back into the pack house.

We started the trek back to the bar but I took the shortcut through the forest. Luckily, we managed to sneak between patrols otherwise we would have been fucked. Both Nate and Silas were out and I didn’t know how much power Sam really had when it came to his pack warriors.

“He reminds me of a squirrel.”

Finn chuckled at Noah. “You should have seen him drunk. Poor kid was dead on his feet after one drink. Asked me how we have sex.”

Both Noah and I burst out laughing. That would have been a conversation.

“We definitely need to get him drunk again. That sounds like popcorn and a soap right there.” I giggled. My eyes narrowed and I turned around, walking backwards as I faced Finn and Noah.

“Speaking of, when are the two of you going to have kids?”

Noah choked on the air he was breathing and Finn turned bright red.

“What the hell, Sol? Why are you asking?”

“I dunno. I think it would be fun to be an aunt.”

Finn narrowed his eyes. “Aunt? Sol, you are ours. You would be their mom as much as we are their dads.”

Turning back around and walking ahead of then, I didn’t want them to see the tears in my eyes. Both from happiness of them thinking that I would complete their family but also sadness. Sadness for what I would never achieve in this life.

“Sol, sweetheart, turn around.”

I spun around but by then I was clear and dry.

“We didn’t want to complicate things right now for you. A new baby in the house would put so much more strain on us but you more so.”

Sighing, I shook my head. “You guys shouldn’t put your plans on hold just for me. You know that bar is yours. I built it for the two nerdy loves in my life who wanted to travel back in time and own a medieval pub. This was always for you.”

Noah smiled and raced up, kissing my lips and pulling me flush against him. “We thank you but you didn’t need to do it.”

I shrugged. “Maybe not. But I could and so I did. I’ll be gone soon so you guys don’t have to keep putting your life on hold.”

“Goddess, Sol, could you be more nonchalant about fucking dying?” Noah snapped at me as I pulled out of his grip.

“How am I supposed to be, Noah? Would you like me to break into tears every second? Would you like me to yell at the sky and blame the Goddess for everything that’s gone wrong in my life? How the fuck do you want me to react every time I think about leaving you two? How? What is appropriate for you?”

Neither of them were expecting me to snap back. Normally, I didn’t. But I was so damn tired of their anger. Always directed at me.

“You guys act like it’s my fault I’m dying! You don’t think I want to have a family? To embrace my mate? Have kids? Lord over everyone that I turned down the position of Alpha King? You think I haven’t thought about the years I’m missing? You think it’s so fucking easy to wake up and not think that this might be the last time I make breakfast for you? Or the last time I watch either of you kiss? So how? How do you want me to react? Because if it means you stop being angry at me all the damn time for accepting my lot in life and trying my best to not fuck up even a moment of it, please, en-fucking-lighten me!”

I was yelling by the end of it but I knew there were tears streaming down my face. Those angry tears were mirrored by the shocked and horrified looks on both Finn and Noah’s faces.

Turning, I left them where the stood, opening up the back door with my fingerprint and stomping up the stairs. I slammed the door to my office shut and locked it. Sliding down the back of the door, I curled up into a ball.

I didn’t really want to blow up on them like that. Their anger just hurt every time they focused it on me and for the last six or eight months it’s all I heard.  My shoulders shook as I broke down into sobs, hating my own anger for probably hurting them. That was the very last thing I want. The two people I loved most in this fucked up world.

There was a faint knock on the door. “Sol, please…”

I didn’t answer Finn. I just buried my head further into my knees and curled up.

“You can’t stay in there all night. Just come out. Please.”

The still angry part of me wanted to yell back ‘watch me’ but I held back. Opting for the silent treatment.

“Sol, please…” His voice cracked and my willpower nearly went with it.

But I clutched my legs tighter and took a strained breath. I heard his steps fall way and soon one of the cupboard doors slammed shut. It shook the wall and I watched as some of my file folders shifted. The last thing I needed right now was their anger. They needed some time to cool down as much as I needed it.

After a few minutes, I got up and sat at my desk. Pulling out my pen, I figured if I was going to sit in here that I might as well get some work done while I was at it. At one point, it sounded like it got a little rowdy downstairs but it quieted down after a minute or so and I continued to work on my paperwork.

Another knock on the door jolted me awake and I realized I had fallen asleep at my desk.

“Sol…” Noah was on the other side of the door this time. Walking over to the door quietly, I placed my forehead against the door.

“Please come up to bed, Sol. Finn’s already asleep but I…I can’t…please…” I could hear the tears in his voice.

I rested my hand on the doorknob. My heart broke knowing how much my distance and silence probably hurt them.

“I’m sorry. The anger, it’s all been me. You know Finn doesn’t have an angry bone in his body but my anger seeps into him. I’m so frustrated and angry with myself, not with you, Sol. That I literally can’t do anything. We just have to stand here and watch you die. Watch the woman who we love and cherish the absolute most in this world, die. Die before you ever really had a chance to recover. I’m sorry I took it out on you. I’m so sorry. I was so stupid and selfish…” Noah hit his head against the door once, then twice and as he went in for a third, I swung the door open and put my hands on either side his head so he would stop hurting himself. His legs buckled and we fell to the floor on our knees, his head still in my hands as I held him at my chest. His arms held me tight as he sobbed.

“I’m sorry, Sol. I’m sorry.” Over and over again. Tears streamed down my face as I held him to me.

His body shook and he couldn’t take a full breath, it hitching near the apex and turning into a cry. I looked up to see the crying eyes of Finn looking down at the two of us. Finn sat down in the doorway as Noah continued to cry, eventually turning into a hiccuped whimper and then his body went slack, his breath evening out. He cried himself into passing out from exhaustion.

Slowly, I placed his head in my lap and brushed his long hair out of his face. He at least stopped crying for the moment.

“Sol…?”

I looked up at Finn. His eyes were closed and his head was back against the door.

“I’m sorry. We never want to hurt you. We didn’t realize…”

“Realize that you two were channeling your frustration and anger at me?”

He nodded. “We never…”

“I know, Finn. I know. I shouldn’t have said all that shit. I was fed up and angry and hurt and I should have just shut my mouth.”

Finn shook his head. “I don’t think either of us would have realized how bad we had gotten unless you blew up at us. I’m just sorry it’s been for months. I’m sorry this is what our relationship devolved into.”

“No, Finn. This doesn’t define us. We just need to work through this."