Book 1: Chapter 90

My legs were crossed as I sat in my chair that looked more like a throne with how we were set up. I had my hands intertwined in my lap and my back was straight. Keri said I had to choose what I needed to do but I worried about hurting them still. I loved Noah and Finn. They were my best friends, my partners, my Betas and my lovers. We had gone through so much together and hurting them was never my intention no matter how much it seemed like my actions did.

Keri was on my right, Nate and Silas were standing to my left. Behind me, Colton and Dylan were standing to step in front of me. Some of my warriors who weren’t actively engaged in planning, or dealing with other orders, were standing to attention in the clearing. All armed and ready.

I looked up at Keri. “Whatever you do, don’t hurt Finn.”

“If he comes after you, Alpha, I’m going to put him in his place. I will avoid all vitals and his pup but a broken arm won’t hurt anything but him. Noah is free game.” She almost looked gleeful.

I sighed and shook my head.

“Incoming.” Silas shifted where he was standing, staring at the back door that was open.

Nothing would prepare me for facing these two wolves. It was going to decide how to keep them away from the battle, I needed to think of it now. Otherwise, it was going to be a shit show in the middle of a battle. One that I needed to go well enough that I could still get to Silas and Nate. I would have loved to have Noah and Finn next to me with Nate and Silas. The four men I loved most in this world working side by side but that couldn’t happen. Now, I just had to protect them. Even if it meant breaking them.

We kept the front door open along with the back door to minimize the property damage. I already owed Silas two doors. I wasn’t about to make it three or more. Noah was the store that came in first. He wasn’t in lycan form but his eyes were completely black. Many of the guys standing around put their hands on their weapons, pulling them out slightly to be ready in case something happened. Finn followed after him. He wasn’t angry though. His face reflected the exact opposite. Tears tracks were dried down his cheeks, his eyes were red and puffy. My heart started to break and I tightened my my clasped hands, my nails digging into my skin. I could not break. Not now.

“I can not fucking believe you, Solaris!” Noah yelled as he stomped across the yard to us.

“Show some respect, Noah, for Goddess sake.” Keri snapped at him.

He growled at her. “Shut up, Gamma. Nice for you to show up when it fucking suits you.”

She smirked. “It’s Beta now, actually.”

Noah threw up his hands. “Of course you are. You couldn’t earn the title yourself.”

“I’m Beta because the two previous Betas couldn’t keep it together.” Keri stepped forward, her canines slipping out with her hands becoming claws. “They continuously force our Alpha to use her power and shorten her life!”

Noah looked like he had been slapped in the face and he reeled back. His canines slipped out as he growled at her.

“That is enough!” I bellowed and everyone in the clearing either stopped or stood a little straighter.

Keri stepped back to her position, but her canines stayed out. Finn cowed a bit and Noah stood a little straighter, a frown on his face.

“I will not have you bickering like children. It’s exhausting.”

“The only child here is you! You’re so fucking selfish, Sol. I know what I said and what I did but I will not apologize for it! You keep risking your life! For them! We are your Betas, your best friends, and your lovers. You’re choosing them over us! We proved ourselves to you over and over again. Yet to strip us something that we earned!”

Taking a deep breath, I stood up. Silas tried to reach out for me but I waved him off.  As I walked toward him, I could see the anger start to sputter. Noah tried to stand tall in front of me but as I got closer, it was wavering. Finally, I cocked my head up to stare Noah in the eyes.

“You let your anger take over, again. I warned you. I fucking warned you, Noah White. You almost hurt other wolves. You almost hurt me, again. You almost hurt your mate, again. You couldn’t even prove to me that you wouldn’t question me. Here you are, questioning my decision without even asking me a question.”

“I…I wouldn’t have…”

My voice rose, cutting him off. “Yes! You would have! I’ve seen it before Noah and you know that. I took the blame for it multiple times but you know your lycan doesn’t differentiate between friend or foe; from mate or enemy. You could have killed Finn, killed your own child!”

Taking a deep breath, I continued. I had to use my power to stop you. A power that’s killing me every time I use it. If I had died from using my power, because your dumb ass couldn’t keep your anger in check, you think you would carry the weight of the lives lost in this battle without me? You think you could carry the burden of knowing that killed me and before I even got the chance to finish what I needed to? You think you could hold the weight of that guilt knowing if I was alive that we would have a chance of taking out every Hunter with minimal loss of life, but if I’m not we would lose more lives? You were willing to risk the lives of your fellow brothers because you were made I made is safely somewhere.”

Noah fell to knees as the grass moved around us, the wind slowly picking up.

“I was your Alpha and I am the First Alpha Prince. I understand why you treaded me more as your lover and friend but the fact remains. I will always be stronger than you and I will always outrank you. You do not dictate my movements and you do not question my choices. I dictate your movements and I decide on the choices you have.”

Bowing his head, Noah’s shoulders were shaking as he started to curl up into a ball. Behind him, Finn was struggling as tears streamed down his face. His hands were balled into fits but he didn’t move forward to help Noah. He also didn’t make eye contract with me.

“I…I know I couldn’t be by your side if you decided to fight. But…that doesn’t mean…that we deserved to be cut off.”

I closed my fists tighter and I felt my skin break, the blood start to pool around my nails. “I have no need for Betas who can’t do their job.”

Finn’s choked out a sob as he covered his mouth with his hand.

“You don’t get to say that, Sol. Not to him…” Noah whispered to me.

“It’s First Alpha Prince to you.” I clenched my teeth together.

Behind my Nate stepped forward. “Solaris!”

I ignored him as my eyes flared gold and the wind picked up as my Alpha Command exploded out.”

“Noah White and Finnegan White, you are to go back to the Wayward Tap and stay within the limits of the purchased land until the battle with the Hunters has been resolved.”

The command was specific and powerful as it swept over the entire area. Finn cried out against the command but started to back away. Noah tried to fight it hard, shaking his head and roaring against it.

“We are yours! We are supposed to protect you!”

“It’s time for you to go. You have no place here.”

Noah stood, glaring at me. “I won’t forgive you for this.”

I didn’t say anything as I watched Noah turn and take Finn’s hand. He pulled his mate back towards the pack house but Finn looked over his shoulder. ‘I love you.’ Finn mouthed the words and I started to shake as they disappeared. Letting go of the power, I swayed a bit but managed to stay upright.

Keri came up to me and grabbed my hand, unpeeling my fingers. “Alpha. You’re bleeding…” Keri looked up at me.

“Yes, I know. Thank you.”

She shifted a little. “Did you want me to…”

Shaking my head, I let her lead me back to the chair and I flopped down on it. Rubbing my forehead, I leaned my elbow on the armrest. I waved off everyone in the clearing and they all broke away going back to their tents within the forest.

Silas leaned down, his eyes looking at me softly. “They are headed off the territory.”

I sighed. “Let’s get the finishing touches done and make sure we double check our patrols in the area that we have no holes. I don’t want a single fucking Hunter to go unnoticed.” There was a resounding ‘Yes, Alpha Prince’ but I smiled up at Silas. “That means you too.”

“You okay? You don’t need…?”

I sighed. “I’m fine, Sil. Seriously. Go. Please. I don’t need you hovering like a parent. You’ll make me on edge and I don’t do well on edge.”

He chuckled and kissed my head before following after Keri and a few of the guys behind me. Colton and Dylan stayed behind me as I watched everyone go off in different directions. I watched for a good fifteen to twenty minutes of hustle before I got up. My leg was shaking but it wasn’t so weak that I couldn’t walk on it.

“I’m going to go for a walk. I’ll be back soon.”

“We should go with you.” Dylan, my ever-exuberant self-appointed guard, smiled brightly at me.

I shook my head though. “These forests are my home. I know them like the back of my hands. I’ll be dine. Don’t tell anyone I’m gone. Just go ahead and help out where you can.”

“But Alpha…”

Smiling, I patted him on the shoulder. “Sometimes even a prince needs to be alone.”

The two of them scurried off  and I headed into the forest behind the pack house. The light streamed through the trees but it was a lot cooler under their canopy. Lifting my hands, my one good one had blood coating it but I could reach out and touch the suns rays. I got further south than I thought I would. Each step got harder and harder until after a while, I felt the weight on my heart take its toll.

Falling to my knees, I splayed my hands out on the grass. For the first time in a long time I let my soul shatter into a million pieces. I screamed at the top of my lungs. Letting loose the shear amount of pain. I cried, tears pouring out of me as a continued to scream. Over and over again, I screamed into the forest. I wailed and sobbed, my breathing now just slight wheezes. The weight of what I had done, continued to slam down on my. My words and watch it crack their hearts. Watching their faces, Finn’s face as tears fell. Noah’s pure hatred. They were my mates. I’d destroyed my mates. The men I loved.

My forehead met the ground and I screamed. I pounded my bloodied fist into the ground, once, twice, and the third time I felt the ground crack open. My body shook as let it all out. Snot and drool from my mouth combined into spittle that met my tears on the ground. Suddenly, a body covered me, arms wrapped around my shoulders and sparks electrified my body. It didn’t matter though. I’d already done the damage. Screaming again, I rocked back and forth, my forehead hitting the ground. He didn’t move off me though as he held me.

Another scream caught in my throat and I wrenched, blood splattering out into forest floor. I sobbed as I looked at now red grass below me.

“I abandoned them. I did the one thing I promised not to do. I left them. I told them I would be with them till the end and I commanded them to leave.”

Tears continued to pour down my cheeks and I wiped my mouth with my hand. Fresh blood smeared with the blood from my hand and I looked down out at, my hand shaking uncontrollably.

“I took everything from them. I stood there and tore their hearts out. The man I promised to cherish and love. The two who loved me despite everything that I am and the ones I loved back just as fiercely.” I took a breath before I yelled. “I destroyed us.”

My forehead hit the ground again and I screamed. I hated myself. I felt dirty and broken. I felt like a thief and a murderer. I couldn’t control my body anymore as it shook. As it rocked back and forth. As my first pounded into the ground. Nothing helped. Nothing took away the pure pain I was feeling. I started to wish for death. Wish for the earth to swallow and condemn me to a life in eternal darkness.

My body shook horribly but the arms around my just tightened. I know they were supposed to be a comfort. But I pushed it away. I didn’t want or need comfort. Not from anyone. Not now.

“Aelia.”

Nate’s voice was soft and quiet. It blew through the forest like the breeze picking up a leaf. 

“You protected them. You did it for their sake. They will be okay.”

I took a haggard breath. “You don’t know that.”

“I know that they love you, more than anything. I know they are the two people in this word who love you more than Silas and I do.”

I swallowed. His words cut like knives. Like someone was throwing daggers and each one hit my heart. 

“Finn knew. Finn knew exactly what you were doing but Noah was too wrapped up in his mate, their bond, and his anger. You had to. To keep them safe. They forced your hand. But they have each other.”

I slowly sat up, my eyes looking up at the sky. I wished it would rain. I wish I was pouring so at least I didn’t have to deal with brightness. It was the world still laughing at my expense.

“Just like you have Silas.”

Nate inhaled sharply. “I’m not loosing you, Aelia. No matter this battle. I’m not loosing you.”

Despite the confidence in his words, my head turned to see the fear and pain in his eyes. Pulling up my robotic arm, I brushed his face.

“I’m already gone, Nate. I’m only here to fulfill my final duty. You need to lean on those who love you.” My eyes looked into his. He was searching for answers in my eyes when there were none. “Love your mate, Nate. Love Silas. Love this pack. Love Sam and Charles. Hold them close. Protect them. They are your family.”

“So are you…Aelia.”

I smiled. “I don’t need protecting though. My job has always and will always be to protect you two.”

My head craned back to see Silas, on his knees as well, looking at me in pure sadness. I felt dots fill my vision but I pushed the back. If I passed out now, if I slept now, I knew I wouldn’t wake up. 

“I can’t walk.”