Book 1: Chapter 51

*** Nate’s POV ***



My eyes opened and immediately I regretted it. The searing pain radiated throughout my entire body. The pillow under my head felt like it was making my neck hurt more than it was helping. What the hell happened? I closed my eyes for a second, trying to go over the information of what was missing. It was like a lightening bolt. The pain in my heart hurt worse than anything coming from my back. Goddess, Aelia had to stand through two hundred lashes. Any mate having to do that to another, mated or not, would crumble. Letting a sob escape, I deserved this pain but she didn’t. Aelia didn’t deserve anything she’d come across in her life.

The door opened up and I watched Silas and Shep step through. Silas made eye with me and sighed.

“How you doing? How’s the pain?”

I turned my head. “It’s nothing.”

“Nate…”

“How’s Solaris?” I used her new name since Shep was here. She never really said who knew and who didn’t.

Silas came around, sitting on the stool that I had in front of my arcade machines that sat against the wall in the corner of my room.

“Not great. She passed out. Noah and Finn said this is the worst they’ve seen her.”

Tears welled up and I buried my head into my pillow. Shep was touching my back but as much as it hurt, I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. 

“Her concoction is incredible. It not only helped the healing, but it looks like it’s barely even going to scar. Beta Noah said that once it turns white, all the healing properties have been applied. So to just shower it off and apply normal medicine after if still needed.” Shep was still touching the wounds, checking under what felt like a stiff board on my back.

“I’ll help.” Silas got up and came over to me. “We have to get you sitting up first before you stand.”

I groaned, shaking my head. Moving was not something I wanted to do right now.

“I could just carry you. Would you prefer that?” Silas’ teasing tone did not help and I growled at him.

“Fuck off, Silas.”

He chuckled, getting a hand under my arm and helped me slowly sit up. The paste that Shep had been talking about felt like a hard dried shell on my back. It crackled but it didn’t bring any more pain than what I was feeling. Tentatively, I put weight on my feet and it felt as expected; absolutely terrible. Gasping, I shut my eyes against the onslaught of pain. The muscles moving in my back was nearly unbearable.

“Nate?”

I peeled my eyes open to look at Shep and Silas. Both of them had the same worried looks.

“Give me a second. I don’t think I need to say that it hurts like a bitch but it does.”

“You’ve been out for a couple days. So we didn’t know quite how bad it would be when you woke up.”

My eyes widened. “A couple days? Not a couple hours?”

Silas shook his head. “The concoction of weakness turned you human. Your tolerance and strength is super low. Your healing abilities, even when one of us handles you, we have to handle you like you were human.”

“Fuck.” I reached out and grabbed Silas’ shoulder as I tried to get up.

He helped lift me up and slowly ambled my way over to the bathroom. Shep was already in there, adjusting the shower water to be a specific temperature. I was shirtless but I scrunched up my nose as Silas helped me out of my pants.

“Never again.” It was a low enough grumble that I thought he wouldn’t hear it but Silas chuckled.

“Good.”

We lapsed into a silence as he helped me get into the shower. It was warm but not too hot. My hands immediately balled up as the water beat down on my back. The hard goop that was covering my back now slipped off in the water and I could see it was almost like a white foam. However, once that layer was gone, the sting of the water on my back brought tears to my eyes. Closing them, I just let the water beat on my back. This is what I deserved. After everything, this pain was nothing. 

I wondered how much negotiating that Aelia did on my behalf. There were rumors of the things the king did when it came to crimes against your mate. Ones that would make your toes curl and would have given you nightmares as a pup. It was probably one of the worst things you could do and the punishments were equally terrifying. Two hundred seemed like a lot but it wasn’t anywhere near what I should have received.

“Well, at the very least, it’s not actively bleeding. It looks like it’s already created the protective barrier over the skin. You should be good in a few days, Nathaniel. Then after that, your wolfs healing will kick in.” Shep smiled at me.

“Thanks. I appreciate you looking after me.”

He chuckled. “Alpha did most of the watching. I just checked the wounds. Have a good day you two.”

Leaving Silas and I in the bathroom, I sighed. “You can go too. I’m fine.”

“You sure? I don’t want you passing out on the floor.”

Rolling my eyes, I shook my head. “Thanks Silas, but I’m good. I value the privacy of a shower.”

I could hear Silas chortling. “Sure sure. Just making sure you don’t die on me. We’ve lasted this long. I’m not about to lost my Beta to something as stupid as a few lashes.”

Shaking my head, I watched Silas leave the bathroom. As he closed the door behind him, I sighed and leaned my forehead against the tiles. I wished I could mind link or at least reach out to Aelia. Part of me wondered if she would even speak to me again but I wanted to make sure she was okay. Make sure that I hadn’t completely ruined any time she had left. 

Being careful not to touch my back, I scrubbed my body with soap and leaned farther forward to shampoo my hair. It had gotten long over the past couple weeks and I wondered if I should get it cut or try to grow it out. Silas used to make jokes when my hair got too long that I would end up having a male mate because they would mistake me for a woman. As much as it was a jab at my hair, it was also a jab at my height as well. 

Sighing, I rinsed off and turned off the water. The towel dry went much slower. I wanted my back dry but wasn’t about to rub it down like I normally did with the rest of my body. Patting my back, I was slow and it hurt like hell but the towel didn’t come back bloody as I slowly dried it. Going into my room, I threw on just a regular cotton shirt and some sweats. Grabbing my phone, I headed down to the kitchen. My empty stomach had made itself known in the process.

Mer smiled at me. “Alpha told me you were up. You hungry?”

“Starving. I can make something though.”

She scoffed at me. “I don’t think so. Not after you being out for multiple days. I’ll take care of cooking. You just sit down and drink some water.”

Giving her a smile, I sat down and was never so glad the bar stools we had didn’t have a back on them. Pulling out my phone, I stared at my text messages. I didn’t have many, mostly just some for work in regards to the projects that were going on around the pack. My eyes narrowed as though I could will the decision on who to text. Finn was an easy choice, but I didn’t know if he would still be mad as well. Noah was definitely a no. I had serious doubts that wolf was just a Beta. There was something about him that screamed Alpha. Then there was texting Aelia directly.

“You’re thinking too hard about it.”

I looked up to see Mer smirking at me. “What?”

“Text the girl. Trust me. If you could have seen her…” Mer’s voice trailed off for a moment. “If I have ever seen love in my life, that girl loves you. I know only a little of what’s going on but just from the scene that day, it tore her a part to do that.”

Swallowing hard, my eyes fell back down to my phone. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

“You know, she was the first one to you after it was done. She cut you free and held you as she cried. Held you as she put on the medicine on your back.”

My heart dropped into my stomach. “I didn’t think…she would…touch me again.”

“Oh sweetheart. That girl loves you much more than you know. You did something terrible. You paid your price. Don’t keep punishing yourself for that. It’s done.” Mer turned back to the stove where she was cooking over a cast iron pan.

It took another couple minutes of courage but I finally brought up her phone number and stared at the message bar. What do you start out with? A simple ‘hey?’ or ‘how are you?’ sounded awkward and we all knew how we were doing. Sighing again, I just typed the only thing that I felt made sense.

**‘I’m sorry.’**

Turning my phone down, I focused on what Mer was making. She was throwing some spices into a mix of onions and garlic. Taking those out and plating them, she toasted a split bolillos before heating up some roast beef with cheese in the same pan. Once she stacked everything on the bread, she plated it, cut it in half and handed it to me. Smiling, I took it from her.

“Sorry, no bell peppers this time. I need to go to the store tomorrow. We are just about down to the kitchen sink.”

“This is perfect, Mer. Thank you.”

She smiled. “Of course, Beta. If you need anything else, just tell me. Dinner will be in a few hours.”

Nodding, I took a bite. It was hot and I had to suck in some air with the bite to cool it down. Mer laughed but turned, doing the dishes from her impromptu lunch for me. I finished off half the sandwich when my phone vibrated. Picking it up, my eyes widened.

**‘It’s okay, Nate. I’ve already forgiven you.’**

My heart both leapt and sunk at the same time.

**‘Silas said you were struggling.’**

She replied nearly immediately.

**‘Noah and Finn like to exaggerate. I’ve been worse. Which I’m not sure is saying much at this point.’**

The end of the message had a little smiley face emoji and I shook my head. I was surprised to see her typing another message.

**‘How’s it feel being human?’**

I chuckled.

**‘I tried to move something in my room and didn’t realize it weighed as much as an elephant.’**

She sent a crying-laughing emoji.

**‘It’s not funny. How do humans do anything? Move anything?’**

I took another bite of food as I waited for her reply.

**‘Ask Charles. He would know. Poor guy struggles with a keg.’**

It was a mistake taking a sip while reading her message. Coughing, I inhaled deeply, trying to clear my throat after the liquid went down the wrong way.

“You okay?”

I looked up to see Sam’s head peaking around the corner, worry written all over his face.

“Fine. Just was reading something that made me laugh.” I looked away for a second and then back at Sam. “I’ll finish up the paperwork you need for the city project by tomorrow. Sorry to make you push it back.”

He shook his head. “Don’t worry about. Feel better first. We can work on your time right now.”

I let my face drop into mock shock. “Who are you and what have you done with our Gamma?”

Sam laughed and disappeared back down the hall, probably to his office. Turning back to my phone, I replied to Aelia.

**‘Maybe that’s why there are so many of them. Humans need multiple people just to carry a keg.’**

Her reply was almost immediate.

**‘It’s why they should stay away from packs. Imagine getting ousted because one of the young pups was carrying a lamppost around.’**

I bit my lip.

**‘We would just apologize and say we needed to move the entrance to Narnia.’**

Another crying-laughing emoji came through.

**‘Alright Mr. Tomas. Just don’t like Ice Queen Silas catch you.’**

This time, I laughed out loud. Mer was right. Aelia would always be something else. She never ceased to amaze us when she was younger and she was still her, despite all that she had gone though. I realized I needed to ask her; hear her story. Not the spark notes that she gave Silas and not the short of it Silas gave me. I wanted to know it all. All about her now. 

At the time, I had just been livid she refused to mate but now, I realized she was right. About everything. It would never feel like enough since we had the bond, but at the very least I wanted to be close to her. Be a friend she could count on like Finn and Noah.

**‘Can we talk, for real this time? Can we be friends?’**

Her reply wasn’t immediate. I finished off the last part of my sandwich and was putting the plate in the sink when my phone vibrated again.

‘**I’d like that. Give me some time and we’ll work something out.’**