Book 1: Chapter 74

I jolted awake and my neck cracked in the worst way. Massaging it, I tried to take stalk of where I was. For a second, I couldn’t remember why I was sleeping in the passenger seat of my car. As I rubbed my eyes, it all came back to me and I reached out into the command but it wasn’t there. Throwing the blanket into the drivers side, I stumbled out of the car, slammed the door shut, and ran to the front door the bar. It was locked and I cursed. Jogging around the back, I used the thumbprint to get in and I nearly slid past the stairs as I ran.

My hurried run stopped as I looked at the partially open door to our living quarters. What would I find on the other end of that? Finn had completely shut down the bond but I knew that fist only went down because Solaris needed him. What condition was Solaris in? I swallowed and took the steps up and slowly swung the door open. Stepping up to the bed, I tried not to cry.

Finn was curled up next to her, his legs intertwined with her, his head on her shoulder. Silas was sitting in a chair on the edge of the bed. His arm was stretched out as he was hooked up to a complicated tub system that fed into Solaris. He was reading a book and he flashed me a smile before going back to the pages.

Solaris peeled her eyes open and her gaze fell to me. A light smile graced her pale lips and I nearly broke there. She patted her lap and I flipped off my shoes before crawling into bed. Wiggling between her legs, I put my head on her lap. She ran her hands through my hair and I shut my eyes, forcing myself to not devour her in kisses and holding her close.

“I’m so sorry, Sol. I was stupid. So stupid.”

“Hush, Noah. It’s okay.” Her voice was hoarse and I nuzzled into her thigh.

I started to ask how she was feeling but the question caught in my throat. For a moment, I felt like I was going to choke on my own words. Coughing, I took a couple of gasping breaths as Solaris continued to run her fingers through my hair.

“I’m okay, Noah. Did you sleep okay? I was too out of it last night to pull the command. Silas said you slept in the Jeep.” Every couple of words or so she cleared her throat.

“Nothing I can’t sleep off.”

She hummed for a moment. “Did you have the nightmare again?”

I nodded and she brushed away some of the hair that fell into my face.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to dredge that up.”

Snorting, I didn’t say anything else. She knew better than to apologize for that. She was there that day, she almost was able to save my sister. It was too late and I was too far gone. I promised myself I wouldn’t lost control, I would find a way to not lose control or lose my cool. It wasn’t enough obviously. I needed to be better; for her and for Finn. The image of Finn screaming at me in fear as Wye wrapped his hand around our pup. There wouldn’t be enough bleach in the world for me to wash that out of my memory.

At some point, I fell asleep between her soft touch and Finn’s light snoring. When I woke up again, Finn was gone and so was Silas. Solaris was asleep, a book leaning against her stomach. Slowly, I got up and grabbed the book. I closed it and put it on the nightstand. Softly, I adjusted her down into the bed and gently placed her head on the pillow. Pulling up the blankets, I made sure she was covered before I headed down the stairs.

Silas was sitting at the bar, sipping some water and eating a sandwich from the local sub shop we ordered from a little too often. Finn was loading the dishwasher, his sandwich wrappers were already finished and balled up for the trash. Turning, Silas gave me a quick smile and nodded to Finn.

“We got you a sandwich. Figured you would be hungry. You didn’t get a chance to eat dinner last night.”

Finn didn’t look up at me but he did move and place a wrapped sandwich on the the bar. I sat a seat down from Silas and started to slowly open the sandwich. It was an awkward silence as Silas and I ate. Finn ignored me completely as he finished putting the dishes in and cleaned up the bar. He moved to wiping down the tables, chairs and booths. Sighing, I stared at the second half of my food, not really hungry.

“I’m going to head back up. Shep has me doing one more transfusion before I head home.”

“Did you need anything? Other than water?” Finn asked, coming closer and leaned against the bar to face him.

Silas shook his hand and patted Finn’s arm. “I’m good. The sandwich and water are fantastic. She might be up in a little bit so I won’t be bored. We’ve got some things to talk about.”

Getting up, Finn reached out and took Silas’ hand. I almost growled but stamped it down, looking intently at the wood grain on the bar.

“Thank you. I know you’re her brother but thank you. You saved her. We owe you.”

“Don’t even think about not like that. I love my sister, Finn. I’d do anything to keep her around any longer. Hell, I’d give up half my life if it meant she would get it. This is the very least I can do.”

Silas walked up the stairs and I heard the creek of the door closing but not shutting all the way. Finn stood for a moment, looking at the stairs before he went back to cleaning the tables. Wrapping up the last of my sandwich, I placed it behind the counter.

“I can do that Finn, you don’t…” I reached out but Finn recoiled.

“Don’t fucking touch me, Noah.”

My eyes widened as Finn spit at me. His reaction left me reeling and I watched him walk around me. Swallowing, I shook my head.

“Finn…please…I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry? I’m sorry? That’s all you’ve got? After what you did? I get that she didn’t tell us she was moving the guys in but to lose control like that? You almost killed her. She wasn’t even throwing up, Noah. Her mouth was just open with blood spewing out of it! The fear in her eyes. All because you decided to be so angry that you let Wye take over? Let him challenge her?”

I shook, my heart beat was erratic as I tried to not feel the dagger cut into my soul. “I…I lost control. I couldn’t pull him back. I tried. Fuck, Finn…I tried.”

“And failed. You tried and failed. What would have happened if you had actually killed her? If Wye had closed his hand around her throat? Would I have been next? Would you have attacked me?”

Shaking my head, I fisted the edge of my shirt. “No. Finn, I could never hurt you. Wye knows…he knows you’re our mate. He was challenging his Alpha. He felt like she wasn’t strong enough anymore.”

He snorted. “So he just gets to tuck tail and climb back while our love is laid up in that bed? She was doing so fucking good, Noah! Is it going to be a fight for her to hold on each day, now? Are we doing to have to resuscitate her every fucking night now because of this? You fucking…I…I can’t even…” Finn was screaming at me but by then end tears were streaming down his face. “I hate you. I hate you so much.”

Throwing the towel behind the bar, Finn stomped up the stairs. Breaking, I crumbed to the floor. He was right. Of course he was right. I scared him, scared him and scared Solaris. We were supposed to make this smooth for her. Help her the best we could. Her doing things without consulting us wasn’t new. Everything just compounded and I just lost complete control. Finishing up Finn’s cleaning, I got ready and opened up the bar as the few people were standing out front. Ryan smiled and put his bag behind the bar.

“Everything okay? The sudden closure yesterday…”

I shook my head. “Solaris is struggling right now. We needed a night to work out what we were going to do. Thanks for working with us with this.”

“Of course. Sol is awesome. Best boss to work for. I’m sorry she isn’t doing well. Give her my well wishes.”

I nodded as he headed out to his post in front of the door. It didn’t take long until I felt like I was getting a little over my head with the amount of people and it just being me. It was a Saturday night so it wasn’t going to be easy. Finn eventually came down, a smile plastered on his face. He engaged the regulars and it was like another night for him. Except it wasn’t. No matter how chaotic it is, never once did he accidentally bush up against me. He went out of his way to avoid being near me. It hurt, the knife twisting further at his rejection.

We hit a moment where everyone was good on drinks and I poured myself one. Throwing up back, I needed another one. Finn grabbed the bottle out of my hand at the sixth or seventh one.

“Stop, Noah. We need to work.”

I scoffed at him, my words slurred. “I’m fine.”

There was a buzzing in my head. It felt light and heavy at the same time. It was enough to quiet the incessant badgering of myself and the knife seemed to disappear for a moment.

“Noah, get it together.”

I chuckled. “No, you get it together. Maybe you should have a drink, lighting up.”

“Lighten and no. I’m pregnant, Noah. I can’t drink.”

I smiled wide. “Why didn’t anyone tell me you were pregnant! Congratulations! Who’s the sucker?”

Finn growled and grabbed the back of my neck. He turned on the water in the sink and drove my head into the cold stream. Sputtering, I tried to worm my way out of his grip but I couldn’t. The water started to cover my nose and run into my mouth and I coughed. Finally, Finn let up and I stumbled back, hitting a barrel with the back of my foot. I fell back, my head hitting the lower shelf of the bar. My vision filled with dots until it completely went black.