Book 1: Chapter 42

It didn’t quell his anger. In fact, it only made it worse. Wren was starting to show more and I could see him struggling with keeping control. Sighing, I reached out and put my hand on his fist. It seemed to work, his shoulders slumping as he looked at my hand.

“I don’t understand.”

“You keep saying that. Some things we aren’t supposed to understand. Some things are out of our control and some things we can only do our best to help them along. I want to help, Nate. I would love to get to know the man you have become. At least reach a semblance of a friendship before I leave.”

He shook his head, filling up the wine glass again. “How? How am I supposed to just ignore you? Ignore our bond? We were made for each other. You knew that from the beginning. Why would you throw that all away?”

“I’m not throwing it away! Goddess, why can’t you get it through that thick head of yours? I’m dying!”

“I understand that!”

I caught his eyes and stared him down, holding him with my gaze. “Do you? Because I think you understand as much as Noah and Finn did in the beginning.”

He growled. “I don’t want to talk about them.”

“Fuck! They didn’t want to believe it. They would just brush off when I started to make plans. Started making plans for those closest to me to be set once I died. That was until I actually died. Stopped breathing because I had thrown up blood while I was laying on back. My body is shutting down, Nate. I’m already bleeding internally. Certain parts of me just shut down and at some point, everything is just going to stop.”

Shaking his head, Nate pinched the bridge of his nose. “Stop…I don’t…”

“No, I think you do. You see, my heart most likely is going to stop multiple times. I may need to be resuscitated, multiple times. But at some point, my body won’t be strong enough to walk or even sit up in bed. My whole body will look like it’s been in a fist fight that I’ve lost. I’ll throw up more blood than I can even replace.

Eventually, the magic in my limbs will leave and the metal will fall apart and I will die. Be in the hands of the Goddess and nothing is going to be able to revive me. At that point, you will know I died. Just like you knew I hadn’t yet when my father tried to convince everyone else I was. That would only be multiplied by tens of thousands if we mated. I will not allow it. You can be mad all you want but I am at my end.”

More tears fell as he was still locked in my stare. “But…”

“I need you to trust me. I need you to know I’m not going to leave you on your own. I promise. It’s the only reason I came back. The only thing I have left is for you and for Silas. Making sure the two of you are better off then the stupid hole you have been digging yourselves in.”

Taking his hand, I laced my fingers between his. “I realized that I could leave this world better off than it was. I had the power to do that. But none of it really mattered if the two people who were my world when I grew up, the ones who meant the most to me, were worse off. So I did my best to help those I could, all the while planning on helping you two in the very end. So I need you to trust me, Nate. Trust me that I know what I’m doing.”

He was shaking his head but I could see that small semblance of understanding. Pain came with it, I knew that all too well. Acceptance in my condition and what awaited me always brought pain to those who cared for me. I just needed to make sure I did my best to help them after I was gone. Help not make it any worse but also make it better after it was all said and done.

It was part of the reason why I started my letter project. I found a service and spoke to the company, actually investing in them to help them expand. What it did was took handwritten letters and delivered them at a specific date in the future. To anyone that you wanted at any time. They made a special request which pushed past their usual 10 year limit. I had started writing letters and making sure I marked which letters would be delivered on what days while I was gone. It seemed silly but it allowed me to go into more detail, be less secretive, while hoping to help show my support for the ones I loved.

My mind was taken out of my head when Nate squeezed my hand. I looked up at him and he wasn’t smiling, but he had stopped crying. Fiora chose that moment to bring the food up the stairs and our hands broke apart. With the food in front of us, we lapsed into another silent spell, eating the food. Moaning, I shoved a hand of the stuffed pasta shell in my mouth. This actually brought the first smile I had seen from Nate the whole time.

“How close was I?”

I chuckled, sipping some of my wine. “You got close three times. Twice I actually walked by you on the other side of the street.”

He coughed as he accidentally inhaled some of his chicken. “That close?”

Nodding, I cut into another pasta shell. “Last few years though you’ve slowed down. Been about two or three cities behind me.”

Nate’s brows furrowed. “Wait…if you already left, how did you know?”

“I was keeping track of you and Silas, of course. I may not have been ready to see you guys but that didn’t mean I didn’t keep tabs on you two. You are all I have left of my world before it crashed and burned. The first two to love me, even if it was because you had to.” I chuckled and took a bite.

“So, how much do you know?”

I hummed, tapping my fork against the plate. “I know that Silas keeps getting sent to other packs because the Elders want him to find a mate. I knew our father had been banished, though I didn’t know he deteriorated that grotesquely. I knew that Silas has had it out for rogues without realizing the enemy he really needed to be angry at was Hunters.”

“And me?” He was sipping more of his wine. 

“I knew you were leaving every so often to try and find me. I knew that you and Silas had gotten in multiple fights over it. I know you graduated the top of your class in high school as well as college, doing even better than Silas or Charles for that matter. You only seem to dumb yourself down to just being Beta.”

He sighed “I enjoy being your brothers Beta.”

“Oh, I know. I never said that. You take pride in being the strongest, the best at everything you do. Including your job as Beta. I just…think you could do more.” I smiled at him.

“You seem to know everything about us but we know nothing about you.”

I shrugged. “There isn’t much to know.”

He scoffed. “Please. You’re the First Alpha Prince, King of the Rogues, and an accomplished businesswoman. You seem to have money to throw around. Plus you have to fuck boys…”

This time I growled. “Watch it, Nate. Noah and Finn are not fuck boys.”

“Oh? What are two guys that you take to bed when you already have a mate if not fuck boys?”

“Noah and Finn are not only my Beta’s but my best friends. They are two people who have been with me from nearly the beginning of Solaris. They have saved me on more than one occasion and love me more completely than anyone ever could.”

Nate’s eyes narrowed. “Because you won’t allow anyone else.”

“Because I don’t have enough time left to build that kind of relationship. I’ve been with them almost as long as I was with Silas as my brother. We have also been through much more as well. I saw their bond solidify. I ended up in the middle of it and I think because of that is the reason why we’ve built the relationship we have.”

“Polyamory?”

I sighed and reached out for the bottle to pour more wine. As I lifted the half-empty bottle, my left arm locked up. My eyes widened as I felt the weakness creep in and make my arm give out completely. Nate seemed to catch the look on my face because he reached out and grabbed the bottle just as it started to tip out of my hand. Pulling my arm back, I held it with my right one. Staring at it, I tried to massage the muscles to work but they just tingled.

“Aelia?”

Placing my hand in my lap, I switched over to my right hand. “Yeah?”

“You okay?”

Chucking, I nodded. “I’m fine. Sometimes my muscles like to give out on me. When I helped you the other night, I used a bit of my power and it cost me some of my strength. It’s why they have been so protective over me. I was doing a bit of physical therapy in the gym we have set up when you came in. So it’s a little worse than usual.”

Nate nodded as well but didn’t reply. We ate the rest of the meal in silence for the most part. Fiora came back asking if we needed anything else and I ordered a slice of tiramisu while Nate ordered a chocolate chip cannoli. Once we finished the desserts, it was already dark outside. It was about eight and I knew the weakness that was in my arm would only be getting worse the later it got.

“Is there anything else you wanted to speak to me about? I mean, if there was anything else specific you wanted to ask when you came over to see me?”

“No. I spoke to Silas a little bit. He assured me I didn’t want to know what had happened while you were missing.”

I chuckled. “He even got the spark notes of it. I kept the worst of it out.”

Nate grimaced and shook his head. “I just don’t know where to go from here. Where we go from here.”

“One day at a time. I’ll be at the bar mostly. If you want to hang out or drink. If you want to reminisce or talk about anything specific. I’m still pretty strong on my good days if you feel like sparing. Or I can have you spar against one of the guys and critique the two of you. Like I said, I wouldn’t mind being your friend, Nate. I’d love to have more than you just looking at me with a frown on your face.”

As I smiled, he smirked a little. Adriano brought the check which I put cash down before Nate even had a chance to pull out his wallet. Getting up, I rolled my ankle a little trying to get rid of the tingling feeling in my legs. I needed to get back before I didn’t have the strength to walk anymore. The railing was my friend as I used my right hand to keep myself from tumbling down the stairs like an idiot. As we walked out, Nate seemed to feel my discomfort and wrapped his arm around my waist.

As we turned around to the side of the building where the parking lot was, we walked towards the back where his car was parked before Nate’s arm slid out from my back and grabbed my hip. He used his strength to throw me against the brick side of the building. My eyes probably couldn’t get wider as I looked at him as he pinned me to the wall. Wren was nowhere to be found, it was just Nate as he pressed me hard from my hip and then my right wrist.

“Nate…what are you doing…?”