How Painful

*Chapter 101*

The night was still young as the cold breeze of the night was brushing against my fur. My powerful paws created a chaotic thud as I swiftly evaded the trees that almost blocked my way.

"Novalie!"

My wolf and I shivered as the voice of Frederick echoed so loud throughout the forest while I felt a bunch of wolves chasing after me.

I scoffed as I dashed off, wanting to escape from here. Did he really think that I would stay here for good? Did he think that I would just allow myself to suffer again?

No!

And my wolf agreed to that.

This was my second attempt at absconding from Frederick's villa house. I was easily caught on my first attempt because I was not familiar with this forest.

Also, Frederick's elite knights were something I must not underestimate off. They were flexible and vigilant werewolves that worked under him. They were almost parred with the watchers I trained back then.

Damn it... I must abscond from here. This was supposed to be my last chance.

Frederick did not tie me up the first time I did it. But he already paid to heed me a warning that he wouldn't forgive it if I tried to do it the second time around.

The thing was I was not familiar with this forest I was running to right now. I did not even know where I was heading. I was frightened that I might face a cliff after this.

But it looks like the luck did not want to favor again.

And my hunch was right.

I was at the end of the cliff with a river bank that has a strong current! The cliff was also high enough that you would die if I happened to be near the pointed stones.

Why, of all times, did I have to face this?! I just want to abscond from here!

I growled when I turned around and saw a bunch of pack werewolves surrounding me. I became alert, but I was already feeling helpless in my situation.

"Do not blame me if I shall lock you up and tie you this time, my goddess."

I growled more when Frederick appeared from the dark, having a sweet smile on his lips. Annoyed, I transformed back to my human form, not minding if I was only wearing a nightgown.

That was something I should not worry about.

"I do not wish to be here, Frederick! Release me now!"

Frederick stepped forward and approached me. I immediately attacked him in close combat and Frederick easily tackled me down. My hands were behind me as he made my back lean to his chest.

He breathed into my ear. "My goddess, you have lost your composure. I know that you do not easily get defeated unless..." he paused and planted a soft kiss on my bare shoulder. "...you are composed and not easily persuaded by your emotions. You easily lose your cool when it comes to me," he concluded.

I hissed and tried to get off his hold. But I halted when I realized that he was right.

I was never like this. I knew I could easily assess a situation and grasp the idea of it. But right now, ever since I got to know Frederick and Prince Atticus were the same person, after all, my emotions weren't at bay.

"Do you realize now?" he asked softly.

"I'll just jump off the cliff so you cannot have me," I said bitterly.

"Don't jest like that, Novalie. I do not like it whenever you wish to end up your life." His tone sounded annoyed.

He tied my hands with his belt before he wrapped his arm around me from behind. I secretly gnashed my teeth as I looked like a submissive woman to him. He started guiding me to walk back to the villa house while his elite knights were following us behind.

"Do not blame me if I end my life while you are not watching me."

I glanced at Frederick to see his face darkened. His expression looked hurt and annoyed at the same time.

He halted and suddenly scooped me up in his arms. I frowned when I felt his warm hands penetrate behind me and to the back of my knees. It made my wolf and I shiver in delight.

"How long are you going to keep me here, Frederick?" I asked after a moment of silence.

"Until you agree that you are going to marry me," he said nonchalantly.

"Why are you so persistent about marrying me? What shall be your benefit to that? I couldn't even get pregnant with a pup because I am infertile. I do not even have the qualities of a wife. All I want is to feel freedom and not be tied up to those things that made me unhappy. Thanks to you."

Ah, shit. I couldn't help blabbering. The taste of antipathy was smothering at the back of my throat. The past was lingering in my head these past few days so I couldn't help it.

"I know I hurt you..." Frederick said as he was sauntering his way to his chamber. "That is why I promise to myself that I shall make you happy."

"Happy?" I smirked. "That is not what you did in the first place. You. Broke. Me." I emphasized those words. I wanted to let Frederick know that it was because of him that I was being like this.

He already knew that. I just wanted to add salt to his opened wound so he could feel how much I hate him.

"Do not even think that you are my salvation. You are just a sacrificial lamb to my plans," I added. "Do not even think I can be smothered at your sweet actions. After what you did..." I paused as my voice croaked. "I have a hard time trusting men!" I raised my voice.

Frederick wavered as he pursed his lips into a thin line. I could see how hurt he was by my words. That was the plan. I intend to hurt him. Emotionally and mentally.

I would do the same thing as what he did to me. I could never recover. By that time, I was humiliated all over the kingdom and never had the nerve to face everyone.

Even my relationship with my father worsened as I started blaming him for setting me up to engage with Prince Atticus at that time.

Frederick did not say anything as he carefully put me down on his bed. I looked at him as he towered over me. "Too innocent, naive, credulous, and gullible..." I uttered. Frederick's eyes widened. He was even stiffened. "I will never forget how you described me at that time, Prince Atticus." I smiled bitterly.

"Novalie..." His voice was shaky as he clenched his hands. "I only said that because..."

"I have never felt insulted about my personality. So, I changed. For the worse, which is enough that you would not think of me from what you said before..." My voice croaked.

I remembered how I struggled so much. I started to be rebellious one. His words made me feel insulted and broke my whole being. I always questioned myself at that time if I had been fooled by other people or if they thought of me just like Prince Atticus thought of me.

"I fell in love with you yet you hurt me... Then you returned acting like you did not do something horrible to me. You even wanted me to marry you... Have you ever questioned how horrible you are?" My voice was croaking more than ever.

But I couldn't care less now if I was vulnerable. The pain I felt that time resurfaced. I wanted to let him know that what he did back then shattered my whole being. I did have a hard time picking up myself and did not know how to mend this broken heart.

I even rubbed my eyes like a kid already whining so loud. "What did I do to you to even hurt me so many times? Why did you have to make me a fool?" I looked up as my visions were blurry.

I felt Frederick's hand combing my hair as I felt his stare piercing me.

"Novalie... I only did that-"

"I kept seeking validation from other men hoping that I received a different point of view from others. I have concubines... They worshipped me. They told me sweet nothings and were grateful to have me. Yet you..." I sobbed. "Why do your insulting words prevail over the ones I kept hearing from them?" I started punching his chest when he released my hands from being tied up. "This is so unfair! I did my best to forget them yet why do I feel I was still the one you described me?!"

I wailed. My mouth kept releasing this anguish sound as the healing wounds from the past opened up and was sliced deeply again, bleeding.

I did not know how long I cried. All I ever knew was I was struggling against Frederick's hold as he spooned me from behind.

He only listened to what I said and he was not saying something. It suddenly made me feel worse than before.

But still... I still clung to him like he was some sort of my comfort. Even though I hated him, he was still the one I was looking for.

Why?

Why would I still want to be with him despite the things he had done with me?

He hurt me... He hurt my wolf...

It was just that I should hate Frederick more.

After all, he was the one who broke my heart when I was young and I still brought that pain until I was a grown adult.

Right?