Chapter Thirty-eight: Contained within

“What are you hoping to find in there?” Lukas asks, a bit hesitant. What is wrong with the request?

“I would like to have a look to see what’s in there. I’m interested to see if there’s anything about what is happening to me in there…..plus I’m fond of reading.”

I see him move his hand to scratch the top of his other hand which I think is some sort of nervous habit. What is he hiding, and why is the section closed off to everyone else?

I continue to watch him cower under my glare. He finally gives in and sighs loudly venting his frustration.

“It’s always only been available to Alphas and the Elders. The records books, among others are kept there. Every act, event law change is in those books, all of which have been kept for hundreds of years. This includes decisions being made in regards to the line of Alphas….”

I don’t sit around for my next question. “Why don’t you want me to see it?”

He looks down at his hands then back to me. “I don’t want you to see what I’ve done.” He frowns and looks back down at his hands.

What could he have done so far that would cause this reaction from him? It made me want to know even more now. I know he’s done things in the past that go against our bond together but I had thought we overcame that.

I think hard and look at my mate, trying to decide what has caused him to hide this from me. What else could he possibly hide? I think back to what the Moon Goddess said about him being specifically chosen for me but I don’t understand why he continues to hide things from me, as if I were to never find out. I remember his promise about not hiding anything anymore.

I close my eyes for a few seconds and take a deep breath. “Lukas, what is it? If you don’t tell me now I will find out sooner or later and this will make things between you and me much, much worse. You promised me you wouldn’t hide anything anymore!“ I say, agitation seething through my words.

He sighs defeat. “I suppose you are right. I was given a fall back plan and had it set in writing. It was to make sure if….if my mate…if you hadn’t come along, I would…would still have an heir to become Alpha after me.”

I opened my mouth in shock. Well, I was not expecting that. A thousand thoughts were going through my mind but I shook them away instantly, knowing that what’s done is done.

“Ok. That’s not too bad. When was that going to happen?” I ask curious to know.

He looks down at his own hands and frowned. “It’s been happening since I turned twenty-five.”

I gasp in shock as I was not expecting that. I can’t contain my curiosity however. I can feel both myself and Athena’s anger rising and I can’t help but ask the next questions lacing both of our voices into it. “Who with? How come I don’t see you with a child?”

He flinches at that last question. “With a she-wolf you haven’t met yet….Sara. She’s been hanging low since you arrived. We’ve not…we’ve not managed to conceive yet….luckily” He gives me a small half smile after that last word but the anger I’ve been trying to contain is managing to seep through, venom laced in my words as I feel Athena go crazy in my head, staking her claim on Lukas as mine.

“I thought you said you were waiting for your Luna? Who the fuck makes up these shitty plans? So much for waiting for me. What would have happened if you had had a child with her? Hmm? That it would be all fun and games? God dammit Lukas.” I ball my hands into fists which were just on my legs as I was sitting.

I can see he wants to say something but I’m not finished. “Who even chose her? Do you love her?” I spit out at him, no longer containing the fury I hold for what he just told me.

He winces at those questions, not liking them at all. I stop my bombardment of questions allowing him some time to answer. He finally sits up straight, taking a strong stance to show his dominance and resilience as Alpha of the pack.

“I have waited for my Luna. I said I would not take one unless it was the mate my Moon Goddess had blessed me with.” He looks at me sincerely and I can tell he’s telling the truth.

“I have been pushed since I became an Alpha to find my Luna, so she could birth me an heir, plainly put. But I wanted to have a family at some point. You seem to forget easily that I have been waiting for eight years for you, since I became Alpha. The Alpha line must live on, it cannot die with me.”

I can see he’s hurt by my words, but I continue to stand by them, Athena staying strong with me. He continues. “No. I’ve never loved anyone else before you and I will never after you. You are my gift from the Goddess…The woman was chosen by our Elders. I just accepted it and carried on with it. If I had met you after she had my heir I had hoped you…would have understood.”

I take a deep breath. I have never wanted to attack someone so much in my life before. I found myself to be someone who would rather heal and be friendly than hurt and destroy, but right now my own mate is making me go insane. How thick can this Alpha be?

“How would you feel if you had found me and I had been with, or at the least had a child with another person?”

That question alone caused the biggest growl come from his chest, and I could tell it was Ares coming to the surface to tell me how he felt. I could feel Athena inside of me stand tall, not whimpering at his outburst. I suspect anyone in his pack would submit, but not me. I am not yet in his pack and Athena is no mere wolf.

“I would hate it. I am unsure if I’d be able to see you like that without destroying the other male.” I could see the anguish in his eyes. He would hate it. At least he knows now how he feels.

I shake my head, knowing we were at a standoff. I decide to ask the remaining question. “So how come there is no child?” I ask in a chilled tone, not succumbing to the Alpha aura I can feel coming from him.

He thinks for a minute, probably calming himself and his wolf down. “It’s much easier when the she-wolf is in heat.” He says, not giving too much away.

I look at him, asking with my eyes to give more information. “It happens after a she-wolf meets her mate. It can also happen randomly throughout a she-wolfs life, even when she’s not found her mate, although it’s far less often. It’s known that first heat can happen anywhere from a few days to a few months after they first meet. It’s like a window of opportunity for a wolf to have a pup with her mate. Of course it can happen outside this window and with someone who is not her or his mate, but the chances are very limited compared.”

I take all of this information in and look to the other side of the room where I go into deep thought. I remember in human biology that woman had something like a period where it would happen every month but I never experienced it and remember being worried when I didn’t get it. The Doctors had just said I wasn’t matured yet. I find a laugh come to my lips now when I think about it and I get a stare from Lukas. I snap my head back at him and remove the laughter from my face.

“What is being in heat like?” I ask, interested to know.

“Maybe it’s best if you speak to Mandy, but from what I can tell it’s like having a high fever for a few days….and having the insatiable need to mate and be marked.”

“Marked?” I ask, unsure what that means.

He peeks at me, unsure whether he wants to tell me. I raise an eyebrow at him before he gives in. “It’s where I mark you as my mate. It tells everyone else that you’re taken, and that you’re not….available.”

I act coy about my expression to throw him off my thoughts but I wonder why he hasn’t marked me yet. I instinctively put my fingers to my lips brushing them along where we hungrily kissed last night. Was it not good enough for him? I decide not to ask him right now and instead go back to my original ask.

“So are you going to let me take a look into the Library or not?”

He sighed as he started to get up, obviously defeated. “I’ve got nothing more to hide now……Let’s go.”

I smile at him knowing I’ve just broken through a barrier. We both get up and head out towards wherever this library is meant to be.