Chapter 42: Maybe the truth about Julianne.

There are a lot of things on my mind, like a lot, but Alec's silence as we eat is not helping matters at all.
“Alec" I start. He looks up from his food, giving me one look that says, ‘I'm not talking to you’. The fact that he didn't even bother with a fake smile tells me everything I need to know. Still, I press on. "I need to go back to Astrid," I think that does something because he snaps his head over to me so fast he nearly gets whiplash.
”Why?!” he demands. His voice is harsh and rough. "You can't!" he practically shouts. I stay silent for a few seconds, he speaks again, "Bella" this time it is quieter. He sounds desperate.
Now I grin at him, "You didn't want to talk before, I got your attention with that" Alec doesn't look amused, just irritated.
"So you are not going?"
I shrug, "Not yet, there is a reason why I landed back here, I should find out" Alec stares at me for a long time before speaking again,
"I'm sorry about what happened at the packhouse, you didn't have to see that"
"Well, I did. Which means you have a lot to tell me, right?" Alec frowns slightly, "Right," he sighs then, "Alright, where do you want me to start?"
I raise an eyebrow, surprised at how easily he agreed, "Is this how you always start?"
He huffs and goes back to eating his food. I wait patiently. Finally, he asks, “What do you want to know?”
I shrug, “Julianne, what really happened to her?" Maybe I shouldn't have asked, he flinches slightly, but he answers regardless, "She was killed by rogues" There it is. It still hurts, I can tell, to have seen her lifeless body, but he keeps his face emotionless.
After a few moments, Alec seems to gather himself, looking away from me to the side instead. “They had tried to kill her before, and that evening Logan had asked her to come with him for a run, I trusted him.. it was getting late, and so I had gone in search of them and there at the borders, my brother stood with a dagger to my mate's neck with rogues behind him baring at my injured warriors and I..”
His hands are clenched into fists, he won't meet my eyes. He doesn't speak for a while, and I can only imagine the horrors running through his head, I wonder if he has flashbacks or nightmares. I reach out for his hand, and he lets me take it, intertwining our fingers together. He smiles softly at the contact, then goes on.
“I don't know how it happened, but in fury, I phased to my wolf form and killed all the rogues, I saved her that day, but it was worthless. She died by the rogue's hands either way"
Alec clenches his other fist now too, "I couldn't save her, it only goes to prove how unfit I am to be Alpha" He swallows hard,
“That isn't true” My voice comes out louder than intended, Alec gives me an almost grateful look.
"You don't have to make me feel better Bella, did you not see? I even almost killed my brother today"
He says his last sentence quietly, and he refuses to meet my eye. I want to scream at him, but I don't. Instead, I give him a sad smile and rub his hand.
“If Julianne were alive she would forgive you, if she knew you she wouldn't blame you. You know that right?" I tell him softly, but even still my mind travels back to what Logan had said at the dining. What if what Alec knows about his first mate was all a sham?
“Maybe” he whispers, then stands up abruptly. “Where are you going?"
“To my room, I need some time alone. I'll see you tomorrow”
With that Alec walks away, and I watch him retreat up the stairs, I can still see him when he reaches the door of his study, he stops and closes his eyes. For a moment it looks like he's trying to control himself, before finally he turns away and enters his office, closing the door behind him.
I sit there staring, and after several minutes of sitting there, I decide that I need to go back to the pack house. I still have a lot to do. I pack the plates of our unfinished food and get up, heading to the kitchen sink. The water is warm, it feels good against my skin. I turn off the tap and start washing the dishes, they aren't much and I don't have enough hands to properly carry them all up so I leave them in the sink for now. I turn around and grab Alec's car key from the counter, I put it in my pocket and walk outside.
The wind hits me in the face as I step outside, it's brisk and cold, it suddenly reminds me of Astrid. A strange pang stabs my heart, I need to find out what happened in my Kingdom, and why I was brought back to Winter Pack, because with the pool of transition frozen, there is no way I can go back which means I am stuck here till I find out what happened and being stuck here, even though it has its pros, the risk is so high especially now that a bounty is on my head.
I hate the feeling of being hunted and hunted down. So many people want me dead, my once-normal life has faded into the background and now a lot of responsibilities are weighing on me.
I sigh and move to Alec's car, pulling the keys out of my pocket I open the door and get inside. I start the car and begin to drive slowly to my destination, I try not to worry too much about the fact that I still have no idea what I'm going to do and that Alec is probably still sulking after his dead first mate. I don't want to, but a pang of jealousy hits me when I realise that Alec may still care for Julianne.
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When I arrive at the pack house, it is more silent than usual. There are no pups running about and even as I enter, I realize that the place is somewhat empty except for a handful of people.
"Luna" these few people mutter greetings to me as I pass. I stop at the Kitchen, and like always Hera is there.
"Princess Bella" she smiles when she sees me. I return the expression and ask, "Why is everywhere empty?" Hera shrugs,
"I don't know. Perhaps because their alpha isn't here, or maybe they just want time alone" I nod, understanding her answer. She continues, “Would you like anything to drink? Tea or coffee?"
I shake my head. "No, thank you, Hera. Is he here though? Logan?"
She frowns, "Alec won't want you anywhere near his brother, especially after what happened this morning" Hera takes a deep breath, "And besides, he's in the woods."
"Oh" Well, that could work... I guess.
"You still want to see him?" Hera asks, looking at me carefully.
"I do, I think we also need to hear his side of the story, don't you think?" I say it hopefully, I know I shouldn't, and that I shouldn't care about what happened. But something inside of me just wants to know, so badly. So desperately.
"I don't think that's a good idea, Bella" Hera states. I furrow my brows, "Why?". Hera looks troubled as if she wants to say something, but she hesitates.
Eventually, "It is complicated" she admits, “Look, there are a lot of things that need to be addressed at the moment, I don't think Julianne's death should be on the list, opening old wounds will set a lot of things back"
My lips purse slightly, and then my gaze flicks towards the window. I'm not sure what exactly I expect to see, but as I stare through the glass at nothing but the white snow-covered grass, I realise like I always have, that a lot is happening, and too fast at that.
"Hey, Sis" Leila's voice announces her presence in the doorway, startling both Hera and me. When did she come in, I never noticed her.
"You wanna go for a run with me?" She asks with a small smile on her face. As she moves closer I notice that her cheeks are slightly red, and her eyes are shining bright with amusement. She's obviously been drinking something, I can smell the alcohol on her breath.
"Sure thing" I reply with a smile,
Leila nods eagerly and grabs my hand, dragging me out of the house without another word. We go through one of the doors leading out of the kitchen, we go outside the pack house, Leila starts running through the snow with me right behind her, laughing loudly.
But as we near the woods, I cannot help the sinking feeling in my chest. Something bad is looming, and for some reason, I think this might be the last.
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