Chapter 30 - Grief.

Xavier's grief was a living breathing thing.

His Nana was his family. Yet when the news came in, broken to him by the doctor who had little sympathy, she smiled in the cold and distant way professionals did. And he couldn't relax around her neutral expression
Xavier didn't know how to take it. He knew that it was inevitable. Nana had prepared herself for her death for quite a long time and he had rejected the idea that she would ever leave him. She was supposed to be the one who stayed with him.

But no, cancer had to take her. The minute he heard the news, Amelia was the first person he called, he was so disoriented and disorganised that he ended the call right after hearing her panicked voice. He didn't want her to worry although he wished she was next to him. With a steel resolve and a shattered heart hidden under a calm exterior, Xavier made the funeral arrangements, he called his family, one by one he broke the news to them. And when they asked him how he was doing, he almost crumbled.

He wished Amelia was next to him, he wished he could hold her or touch her.
All he wanted to do was to draw from her strength but no, she was far away.

He went back home tired and angry, his eyes bloodshot with unshed tears, it was a wonder he was able to drive home safely without an accident. The staff were in a frenzy, Xavier had broke the news to the housekeeper and they were all devastated. He had returned home briefly to get Nana's things since she was going to be admitted to the hospital after her checkup showed that her condition was drastically deteriorating. And when he went back that was when he heard the horrible news.

Xavier knew he had to be strong, there were so many things he had to do. But he couldn't help crying the minute he was in the confines of his bedroom. Nana. She was his grand mother, after his parents death he had grown even more attached to her, drawing solace and comfort from the fact that only her could imagine the pain of losing his parents. Because she felt the same pain too. Only it was the pain of a mother, losing her son and her daughter in law.

He gripped the sides of his bed and clenched his teeth as he tried very hard to stifle a scream. If only she had listened to him, she would be in the private cancer clinic, she would be there and she would be fine in New York. Her condition wouldn't have worsened. He should have insisted.

His grief surged with every expelled breath, reaching higher peaks, never sufficiently soothed by his long intakes of the cool air. Tears began to spill from his eyes onto the silken sheets.
In that moment the sure knowledge that life would go on without her, that time was only stopped for her, undid him completely.

"I'm sorry Nana...

I'm sorry I failed you."

He whispered as he closed his eyes and the tears streamed down his face. He slowly loosened his grip on the bed and laid down on his side. Staring mindlessly.




"Where is he?"

Daphne asked as she sauntered into Xavier's house. She was dressed in revealing clothes as usual, a black body hugging dress that flaunted every curve in her body and her creamy long legs clad in sexy stilettos. She had a smile of triumph on her face even after she heard that Xavier's Grandmother died.
The old woman never liked Daphne anyways and so she felt like she had no reason to mourn her.
The housekeeper glanced around nervously, careful to make sure that none of the staff noticed her.

"He's in his room. He's been there for four hours now! He won't eat or do anything."

"Poor thing." Daphne commented as she brought out a thin envelope filled with cash from her bright pink Hermes bag.

"For your troubles." She whispered as she pressed the envelope into the housekeeper grubby hands.

The housekeeper's face lit up in happiness.

"Thank you ma'am. You can stay with him as long as you want. I don't think Mrs Amelia would be back from her New York trip anytime soon."

Daphne smiled slyly. That was perfect. It was the perfect opportunity. Xavier, in his moment of weakness would never reject her. And Amelia, miles away from California would never know what transpired between them.

"That's excellent. We'll need some time alone. Make sure no one bothers us."

She said as she walked into the masters bedroom. Although the door was unlocked, the room was dark and Daphne had to grope around in the dark for a while before she found a light switch. When she finally switched on the lights and dimmed them a little, Xavier was sprawled on the silken sheets. Still in his grey suit and his shoes were still on. His hair was tousled and a few buttons from his sky blue shirt had been undone so they showed the skin beneath. His eyes were closed and his face was wet with tears. Slowly, he raised a hand to rub his eyes and his brilliant blue eyes opened.

He squinted a little as he slowly sat up in his bed. He tried to calm his raging headache with a hand to his temple.

"What are you doing here?"
He asked in a low raspy voice as he started to peel off his jacket.

"Oh Xavier! I heard what happened! I had to come right away! How are you doing?"

Daphne asked as she sat next to him, her slender hands on his broad shoulders as she looked very concerned and worried.

"How did you know?"

He asked as he shrugged off his jacket and tried to pull away from her grasp but Daphne didn't loosen her hold on him.

"Oh Xavier! Does that really matter? What matters is that I'm here for you. And I really care about you. I'm sorry this had to happen."

"Thank Daphne. But I'd like to be alone please."

He said as he finally shrugged her off himself and stood up from the bed. He staggered a little but he was fine. He walked straight to the ensuite bathroom to wash his face and Daphne followed him.

"I know its hard. Losing her..."

She started softly as she rested on the bathroom door with her arms folded.

"You once told me that she was one of the best things that ever happened to you. She was your angel. And you were relieved she was there for you when your parents died."

Xavier was busy splashing ice cold water from the tap to his face when he heard Daphne's voice. He remembered saying that when he found out that Nana had cancer. He had been so worried, so scared. He tried to move heaven and earth to heal her.

"Xavier. You don't have to pretend to be strong. I'm here. I'm your shoulder to cry on."

Daphne said as she approached him with outstretched hands. Xavier, he was hesitant looking at Daphne's sweet smiling face and her outstretched arms. He wished it was Amelia. He wished she was the one offering him comfort, but she wasn't.

"I'm okay Daphne. I just need space."

He said as he walked out of the bathroom, leaving Daphne hanging. Her mouth hung out in disbelief as she watched him go back to his bedroom. She rolled her eyes as she followed him, relentless in her pursuit.

"Why are you rejecting me? I just wanted to help you out with your grief and you're taking it the wrong way."

Daphne said as she faked a sob as she walked toward Xavier with folded arms.

"I just want to give you a hug. I know you need that right now."

She said as she threw her arms over him without warning.

"I swear, you'll be fine. I promise you."

"Thank you Daphne." Xavier murmured as he quickly broke away from the hug.

"Let me pour you a drink. You'll need it."

Daphne said as she walked over to the coffee table where the bottle of whisky was.

Xavier, went to the bathroom and started taking off his clothes, he wanted so badly to change out of the sickening clothes. The smell of the hospital was pungent on them and he hated it. He hated how they reminded him so much of his Nana's struggling moments.


Meanwhile, Daphne looked around. Xavier was still in the bathroom occupied. And his whisky was left unattended. She poured some out in a glass for him and looked back cautiously, Xavier was still in the bathroom. Nervously, with shaky fingers, she pulled out the tiny vial that had some crushed drug she had obtained from a friend. She had never used it before, she didn't even know what it was, but her friend reassured her that it was a mild drug that caused mild hallucinations, dizziness and a strange euphoric feeling. And people who used it passed out a few minutes after the dizzying sets in.

She didn't know what it was, all her friend said was that it would give her a chance to be with Xavier. She poured the entire content into the glass. It dissolved into the whisky with effortless ease.
Xavier came out of the bathroom in fresh and clean clothes as he approached his bed. He just wanted to be alone and sleep but Daphne was acting like she wanted to stay with him. He was looking for the nicest way to tell Daphne to leave.

"Uhmm... Daphne..."

He said as he approached her and she turned to him with a glass of Whisky in her hands.

"Here, this should help you relax. Drink up."

She said as she forced the drink in his hands.

"Thanks Daphne. I appreciate your concern and all, but I'd really like to be alone please."

Daphne shrugged as she smiled brightly.

"Sure!! That's really no problem. I'll leave right away. Drink up."

Xavier took one look at the glass and shrugged, it might help him with his nerves. He thought as he finished it all in one gulp.